My husband denied my request

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Marilena

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Do you get disappointed when your spouse wont take into consideration a verbal request? i did. we were both playing on the same server today of wolfenstein. i asked him to ask the members there if we could play a different map and he refused to consider my request. why? he didn’t want to play the map and he refused to listen to my request. first time in our marriage he has refused to even consider a request from me. i don’t make unreasonable requests of him. this one was far from unreasonable as they get. why could i not ask the owners of the site? because iam not an FC member so i could not ask. you have to be voted as an FC member. you just dont get to be one at the drop of the hat. my husband is a member and i asked him to ask all the members if we could switch maps, and he refused because he did not want to play that map. he never even took it into consideration, he simply said no. i was disappointed, you betcha. and rightfully so. he states that because he didn’t feel like asking or want to play the map he would not consider my request. in this, i put my foot down and told him he should have respected me and at least took my request into consideration before he said no. and he believes iam wrong. but iam not. marriage is not a one way street. couples should work together and when one partner asks the other partner for something, or just a simple request, the other partner should not automatically veto it without thought, my husband automatically said no. that to me was unfair of him to do so. what do you think? i never demanded an answer from him either. i repsectfully asked him a question and he denied me flatly. that is a fact that he does not deny. so people, what would you have done in this situation?
 
Marilena said:
Do you get disappointed when your spouse wont take into consideration a verbal request? i did. we were both playing on the same server today of wolfenstein. i asked him to ask the members there if we could play a different map and he refused to consider my request. why? he didn’t want to play the map and he refused to listen to my request. first time in our marriage he has refused to even consider a request from me. i don’t make unreasonable requests of him. this one was far from unreasonable as they get. why could i not ask the owners of the site? because iam not an FC member so i could not ask. you have to be voted as an FC member. you just dont get to be one at the drop of the hat. my husband is a member and i asked him to ask all the members if we could switch maps, and he refused because he did not want to play that map. he never even took it into consideration, he simply said no. i was disappointed, you betcha. and rightfully so. he states that because he didn’t feel like asking or want to play the map he would not consider my request. in this, i put my foot down and told him he should have respected me and at least took my request into consideration before he said no. and he believes iam wrong. but iam not. marriage is not a one way street. couples should work together and when one partner asks the other partner for something, or just a simple request, the other partner should not automatically veto it without thought, my husband automatically said no. that to me was unfair of him to do so. what do you think? i never demanded an naswer from him either. i repsectfully asked him a question and he denied me flatly. that is a fact that he does not deny. so people, what would you have done in this situation?
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let it go…all this over a computer game??
 
I think it’s very cute that you and your husband enjoy playing games together 🙂 Don’t let this silly little incident cause marital unrest. Next time you play you can kill him 😃
 
it did not turn into an argument. we do not argue. he said no, andthat was it. i posted this because i was disapopointed in him. simple as that. i told him i was disappointed, and he acknowledged that and i posted here. that was all there was to it. iam still disappointed yes. becaus ethis is the firs time in 9 years that he has flat out refused to consider a request from me. i never make demands or unreasonable requests, so please, allow me a little shock.
 
I have a different perspective, rather than just “let it go”.
Respect is respect. Consideration is consideration. It doesn’t matter how small or trivial the request, it is his reaction that is important.
If I were you, I would bring it up to him again, emphasizing that the request isn’t why you are upset. Stress that if he would have given you his reasons for not wanting to ask and giving you a tiny bit of consideration, you would have been fine with him saying no.
This smacks of a parent saying no, the kid asking why, and the parent saying “because I said so”.
Marriage IS a two way street, and if he expects you to consider his requests for things like which movie to rent or what to have for dinner, he better consider yours.
Malia
 
Marilena said:
it did not turn into an argument. we do not argue. he said no, andthat was it. i posted this because i was disapopointed in him. simple as that. i told him i was disappointed, and he acknowledged that and i posted here. that was all there was to it. iam still disappointed yes. becaus ethis is the firs time in 9 years that he has flat out refused to consider a request from me. i never make demands or unreasonable requests, so please, allow me a little shock.
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Didn’t see this before I posted. If this is truly the first time in 9 years that this has happened, then maybe, after you get over your shock, you can say a prayer of thanks for having such a great husband;) He must have been having a bad day…
Malia
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
Didn’t see this before I posted. If this is truly the first time in 9 years that this has happened, then maybe, after you get over your shock, you can say a prayer of thanks for having such a great husband;) He must have been having a bad day…
Malia
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you still have time to edit your post 😃
 
If this is the FIRST time in NINE years that’s happened.

Darlin’ consider yourself the most special woman on the planet.
 
Marilena said:
it did not turn into an argument. we do not argue. he said no, andthat was it. i posted this because i was disapopointed in him. simple as that. i told him i was disappointed, and he acknowledged that and i posted here. that was all there was to it. iam still disappointed yes. becaus ethis is the firs time in 9 years that he has flat out refused to consider a request from me. i never make demands or unreasonable requests, so please, allow me a little shock.
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The first time in nine years??!!??!! Wow! Well, my (now ex-) wife and I went about 6 years before we had a disagreement. In fact, we really only had two during our entire 9 year marriage.

It happened when I converted to the Catholic Church from atheisism. Since she remamined an atheist, she demanded that I never go to church again, ever! Well, that did not happen.

The only other issue came up shortly after my conversion. I refused to continue to use artificial birth control because that is what the Church teaches. She gave me a choice, ABC or celebacy. I had to remain faithful to the techings of the Church. I chose the later and she kicked me out of the bedroom. A little less than three years later, this past summer in fact, she fled the country and divorced me.

If this is the most serious disagreement that you and your husband have had, you are truly a very fortunate woman!
 
don’t get me wrong, iam not mad at him. far from it 🙂 i was disappointed and surprised, but certainly not mad. perhaps i over reacted by being disappointed, but see it from my point of view. we do not argue. the maddest frank gets is a timy little frown in his forehead. the maddest i get is cranky. as for arguing, no. never solves anything.

discussion? indeed. we do talk about things. we talked about this and it is done. i was only a little surprised and disappointed that is it. we do have a good marriage. indeed we do:) just because i was disappointed does not mean i don’t love frank because i do:) 👍

i think we are all inclined to be disappointed at sometime in our marriages. what marriage never had at least 1 minor disappointment? i do agree with you, iam fortunate:) God has blessed me with a wonderful man, and iam deeply thankful for that 🙂 i tell God that often:)
 
Never ever get between a man and his hobbies. What sacrilige -you dared to ask him a question-tut tut!
 
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