My parents are against my vocation

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Hey everyone! ( I am sorry, I just noticed a lot of confusion due to my name and I appologize. I am a girl named Jordan :). My childhood nickname was Jordo, given to me by my brother haha! Just thought I’d clarify 😅) I came upon the forums by accident and was hoping if anyone could give me advice. I am in the process of finding a spiritual director in hopes of being able to pursue a religious vocation with a Franciscan order near me. They do great work for the poor and truly love Our Lord. The main issue is that ever since I told my family about it it’s been a constant guilt ride for me. I have a very loving family, all around amazingly close family but, though we are Catholic, I have to admit my family is not the most devout. Either way today my mom said something to me that really hurt me to my core. My parents are 60 and 61and they are starting to have health issues, especially my dad. He’s worked his whole life to get my siblings( I am the youngest of 5) and I the best life possible. She told me basicallly that she didn’t understand why God would ask me to go take care of other people when I had my dad who has degenerative arthritis and will eventually need all the help we can give him. I told her the order I want to join would allow me to come home to care for him if he got sick, but she said that I was confused if I thought he’d only need me now and then. She basically told me that’s i didn’t love them and that my dad had hoped that ( my brother and I are the i my ones who have tried to pursue a career) I would be able to help him with my work. I told her everything I could, and when o mentioned that my siblings would help too. I told her that since I wasn’t an only child I was sure that They wouldn’t be alone. Right now my brother actually bought a house where we can all live so they will be with him, but she said as soon as I join the order she’ll return to our country ( which is not safe) with my father. I have no idea what to do. I was so
Overjoyed at the idea of giving myself completely to Our Lord, but now all I feel is guilt. My parents are in potential danger if I join and there is no way of changing their mind. If I join they’ll return to our country. I coulnp help wonder if my mom hopes that I’ll stay home forever with them being that I am the youngest, and don’t get me wrong, if this is what God wants me to do I’ll do it, but I long for a more perfect union with Him. I want to give everything up to be only His. Would it be sinful to pursue a vocation being that all this is happening? Would I be sinning against the fourth commandment?
 
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If I understand correctly, your mother is effectively blackmailing you, threatening to return to your (dangerous) country if you don’t do as she wishes? Do I have that right?

If so, then you should feel no guilt whatsoever in disregarding her wishes. Your brother can adequately provide for them, and if they go to a dangerous country just to spite you that is their problem.
 
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this Jordan. I will keep you in my prayers.

Keep praying that you make the right decision in regards to your vocation. Pray the Rosary for this intention, and visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament as much as you can. God will reveal what He wants you to do.

I don’t think that pursing God’s vocation for you would be going against the fourth Commandment. We should always obey God first, then others. Just like if our Government banned Catholic masses, it wouldn’t be a sin to disobey the authority and attend an underground Mass.

I think there are a lot of Saints with similar stories to yours. I know she’s female, but Catherine of Siena had parents and family members that strongly disapproved of her religious vocation, and punished her for not wanting to be married. She continued to love them, to bear her sufferings and to be cheerful, and eventually they gave in and allowed her to become a nun.


Maybe the trials that you are facing are God’s way of helping you to cultivate patience, compassion, and faith in Him. Keep being respectful to your parents. Love them, forgive them, and pray about your vocation. Keep praying and all will be well. God bless.
 
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Hello, I am so excited you are choosing a vocation serving God. As a mom, I honestly think there’s sadness bc we feel we’re losing our son. In a religious vocation you are joining a new family. As a parent maybe they were envisioning a different future. I would assure them this is your calling. This will fulfill what you desire and they will see the peace and happiness that you bring home. Maybe make sure you call, write and stay connected so they see your grace of God. Reassure them constantly now that you are their son, you always will be and because of their love, you were able to develop a strong faith in God.
I hope this help. God love you! 👼
 
Jordon, It’s sad that your mother is using what amounts to emotional blackmail to stop you from following what may be a call from God. Feeling the guilt is actually a natural son’s reaction, but you shouldn’t succumb to guilt. Your mother needs prayer to accept God’s will for each of her children. To threaten to take herself and your father back to the country of origin if you join the order is insulting to the brother who has specifically bought a home where they can live with him, and also unfair to your other siblings. She probably wouldn’t do that. She is just trying to force you to change your intentions by making you feel as guilty as possible.

And you shouldn’t feel guilty, because your parents are provided for, and because if it’s God who may be calling you to be a Franciscan…remember the commandment of God to love God above all.

You are not an only child, but one of five, and already one of your brothers is making provision for your parents. Would your mother wish to prevent you from marrying and having children so you could provide full-time care as she doesn’t think that helping where you can isn’t enough? Would you feel guilty and give up marrying someone you loved and raising your own children? If not, why should you feel guilty about following God’s call to be a Franciscan, (although at this stage you appear not to have sought advice from the Order)?

I am a mother, and one of my sons joined a Franciscan Order. My husband has arthritis and chronic depression but it isn’t my children’s responsibility to care for him, no it’s mine. Parents have a responsibility to raise their children but not to cripple their futures. It is the parents’ obligation to work hard for their children and do the best for them. It’s not a favor, it’s an obligation that parents raise their children the best they can.

I don’t mean you to judge your mother for her attempts to make you feel guilty in every way she can think of, she is only human, but please think past her threats to what God wants, and recognise that she needs your prayers to accept God’s will for you, whether religious life or marriage and a family, both of which would render you unable to always be there, as your primary responsibility would be your own spouse and children if you married.

I don’t think there is much point in trying to argue with or persuade your mother.at this stage, so perhaps just be quiet and go ahead with contacting the Order and talking with the vocations director.
Be extra kind to your Mom in thoughtful little ways, but quietly go ahead with testing your vocation.

It’s your gift of life from God, and how you live HIs will for your life that you will have to answers to God for when you die.
 
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I thank you all for your advice, and for the information about Saint Catherine. I will pray all I can and ask you all to please pray for me and my family as well. My mom actually just came in and I convinced her to pray with me. Either way, I also wanted to mention I am a girl 😂. My name is Jordan, but I am a girl haha!
 
Matthew 19: 28-29

'Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, i… everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for the sake of My name will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life."

Matthew 8:21-22

"Another of His disciples requested, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”
But Jesus told him, “Follow Me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”

Those sound like harsh words, but Jesus was simply demonstrating that if God calls us to serve in a particular way, it is imperative that we do so.

May God bless your parents, your siblings, and you.
 
NO it would not be sinning against the fourth commandment. God would never call you to sin. The best thing for you now is a good spiritual director to help you discern God’s Will.

I’m a little hesitant to share this, but maybe it will help. I was in a similar situation. Four years ago I came home, joyfully told my parents I might have a religious vocation, and mom almost started crying. She said I didn’t love her anymore and wanted to abandon her and dad.

I went looking for a spiritual director. My pastor died, throwing my parish into chaos. When that settled down, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I was forbidden from mentioning discernment, talking to or visiting communities until the danger passed. When it did (thank God it went into remission) our parish was given two new priests. I figured the pastor was too busy. The other was fresh out of the seminary and had a strong accent.

It seemed like the world was against me. I missed being able to talk to my parents about God. My lifesaver was spiritual reading and Eucharistic Adoration, and a devotion to Our Lady.

In time, I felt brave enough to start contacting communities and visiting. Over time, my ability to understand my priest’s accent has improved, and he is now my spiritual director. I am so glad that he is, because he is very patient and devout, and I don’t think I would’ve had the same experience with the previous priests. But if he came earlier, I wouldn’t have been ready for some of the things he’s taught me. God sends the right people at the right time for the right reasons.

My parents came around…mostly. It’s a work in progress, but we’re almost there. It took time, a lot of prayer, and the guidance of the priest, who helped me understand my changing role as their daughter. Family Rosaries helped a lot. I recommend these things to you. As for moving back - that’s not on you. They make their own decisions. They just want to keep you. Pray for them. Remind them of your love for them, especially when they’re at their worst. That’s when they need it most.

Find a spiritual director. Give them some time to cope. Sometimes the initial emotional outburst fades, as my parents’ did. And pray like you never prayed before!

God will never ask anything of you without the grace to see you through. God bless 🙂
 
This gives me so much hope! I am so happy to hear that things are moving along for you as well! I will take your advice! Please pray for us, I will pray as best as I can for you as well!
 
I will pray for you - and thank you so much! I never would’ve believed how well it worked out. You know, I just came back from a weekend at a Carmelite convent, and they were actually happy for me when I hesitantly said “I think this is the one!” What a difference from four years ago!

I wish you all the best. I’ll pray for you, your family and intentions, and all the graces you need to be a saint 🙂
 
The life of a Carmelite is absolutely beautiful! You will literally be hidden in His heart! I will pray the same for you! In His mercy we’ll meet each other in Heaven one day, and if He wills it and everything goes just as well for me, you will always have a Franciscan sister somewhere praying very hard that you become a great saint! Thank you again and God bless you very much!
 
Listen to all in your parents that is wise. They love you. Listen to all in your heart that is holy. God loves you. God will make all things clear at the appropriate time if He is calling you.
 
What a beautiful thing, to be in a Franciscan sister’s prayers! Even if you discern it’s not God’s Will, it’s a delight to be in your prayers, and you will always have a Carmelite sister! May we meet again in Heaven (haha though I must say, I’m open to earlier updates on your discernment, if you like!)

May the dear Lord bless and keep you!
 
Here. Fr. John Bartunek had this same problem with his parents. I would try calling him. He’s in a parish in South Carolina or somewhere south now.

Peace and Good Luck.

 
I would be more than happy to update you when anything happens as things move along in whichever direction Our Lord wants them to go, and please do the same if you wish!
 
Thank you so much Jill! I will watch this right away, and thank you for your good wishes!
 
Trishie, thank you for your posts. Coming from a you, the Mom of a Franciscan, It gave me peace to read your advice and experience. I will pray with all my heart so that if this is Our Lord’s will my mom will come around and see things similarly. I truly appreciate your help and the scripture you shared with me. I’ll carry it with me!
 
Thank you perite_reverie! You are right, maybe this is the Lord molding my heart. I’ll take your advice as best as I can with the help of His grace! I will also ask Saint Catherine to help me. You gave me a saintly friend to turn to. Thank you!
 
Jordan, I think the day will come that your Mom will be very proud of her Franciscan son if that is your calling.
She’ll be telling everyone about you.

In the meantime, she’s afraid. There are two huge changes in a parents life, when they bring home the babies, and then when the ‘babies’ leave home to begin their adult lives. Some find it harder to let go than others do, and for some cultural backgrounds, it can be even more difficult.
I understand your mother’s fear, including regarding her future and your Dad’s, but hopefully, with time and prayer, your mother will outgrow her fear and encourage each of her children to live their vocations too, whatever their path may be.

You and your family are in my prayers, Jordan.

Thank you for your warm words.
 
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