My Wife and our marriage

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James33

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Hi,
My wife says I am too horrible to love. I cannot get her to see that even if that were true about me, that that is not the response God wants from her.
Are there any suggestions as to helping her see this is the wrong path to take. She refuses reconciliation with me and no longer receives Holy Communion-but that seems to have not made her think again.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
God bless,
Jim
 
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Did this come out of the blue? Are you aware of things that may have hurt her?
 
I think because to admit guilt in humility is far more difficult than to blame someone else and feel a sense of justification for acting in a way contrary to the Gospel.
 
Then stop acting in a way that is contrary to the Gospel. Humble yourself, pray, seek forgivneess both from your wife and from God.
 
James33 said:
My wife says I am too horrible to love. I cannot get her to see that even if that were true about me, that that is not the response God wants from her.
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Then work hard at making it not true.

Try thinking first about what response God wants from you. You owe it to Him, and to her.
 
No one is the villain in their own story. I would conjecture that both of you feel you are justified in how you feel and act toward the other. You feel she’s being unfair and unreasonable. She feels you are being “horrible”. The truth usually falls somewhere in the middle.

My best advice is to address the one thing you can affect. Take care of your side of the street. Maybe there’s a lot to address, maybe not. However, improving that area will be much more constructive than trying to “fix” her perceived attitude.
 
Since you wont elaborate I can only comment on how it appears. It appears that you did something wrong and are pointing the finger at someone who will not forgive and forget as fast as you think she should. I think that is a horrible thing to do.
 
Think about it as fairly as you can. Does your wife have reason to be angry with you? Has she told you why she is unhappy? Have you truly listened and tried to work on things, or have you dismissed it and told her she’s not acting how you believe God wants her to act?

You don’t have to answer these here. But think on them.
 
Actions speak louder than words.

Watch the movie “Fireproof” produced by Sherwood Pictures and get a “The Love Dare” journal $7 on Amazon. 40 days of ideas/activities to mend marriage.
 
I think that is a horrible suggestion.
Watching a movie and reading a book does not spiritually fix ones marriage, especially if there is hurt and deception.

The fireproof suggestions are odd. Saw the movie, liked it. Would NEVER recommend it as a form of marriage assistance…
 
Especially for a Catholic marriage.

The movie lost me when it seemed peachy keen that insulted wife started dating the dude with a boat.
 
It doesn’t sound like you have “The Love Dare” journal or have seen it before. It is demonstrated in the movie Fireproof, but is an actual journal you can buy and follow. It is 40 days of loving your spouse with actions. The kind of unconditional love it sounds like this relationship may need. The kind of love that we promise in our wedding vows…”in sickness and in health, richer or poorer, better or worse, until death do us part”. Very often difficulties in marriages are with hurtful words back and forth and this 40 days are a time to show with actions what a loving relationship looks like even when we don’t always feel like being loving. It sounds like the complaint is about not being a kind and loving husband. Sounds like this is a husband asking what he can do to save his marriage. This is a very concrete thing to do. It can change his wife’s perception of what kind of person he is. I can personally attest to it’s ability to change a marriage as it was used in my marriage and turned the negativity into productive healing. Marriage is worth putting the extra effort into to save. It certainly couldn’t hurt to try concrete actions opposed to “thinking about what you’ve done”. At this point sounds like a good option.
 
There is no magic one size fits all. You have no idea if it could help or not. The OP has not elaborated on what the issue is. So saying a book can help is a tad bit presumptuous. The defense of this idea is quite odd.
 
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Wow, it’s amazing how the fireproof/love dare are great suggestions on most CAF threads, but on this thread are a “horrible suggestion”.
 
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I’m only posting in this thread to point out that Fireproof is an absolutely horrible suggestion for a movie. It in no way can be considered Christian.

First, the wife is essentially ready to cheat on her husband. For which she is never shown apologizing onscreen even though emotional adultery is almost as bad as actual adultery. That’s a huge sin to be accountable for but not once does the movie hold her accountable for this sin.

Second, then at the end the wife allowed herself to be bought back like a common prostitute for whom only the money spent on her matters.

Not going to comment on Love Dare as I barely know anything about it.
 
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It is simply not presenting a Catholic marriage. It may be helpful if there were no Catholic resources available, but, I would suggest Catholic resources be exhausted before trying things written by someone who does not have a Sacramental Theology on Marriage.
 
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