NFP and fear of childbirth

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Duguefab5

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Hello,
I am a mother of 5, and a Catholic from birth. My husband and I have been married for 11 years. I do agree with nfp, but it has been causing me lots of anxiety and panic. I know that nfp is used for times where it would serious that a child not be born…and I don"t have a very serious reason…other than I have a serious fear of childbirth!

Such a silly fear for someone who has had 5 kids! My last child was a nfp surprise, my fertility signs and ovulation did not line up perfectly and I was a mess the first few weeks. I have a fear of dying in childbirth and my children loosing a mother over something that can be prevented. Every month I drive myself sick with worry wondering if I will be pregnant. I am at the point where I am thinking of getting professional help to over come this fear…if it is even possible. ETA- My 4th childs delivery was very traumatic. I suffered a post partum hemorrhage. The scenario was very scary…the floor was a pool of blood. The dr that stopped the bleeding told me to get my tubes tied, and never to get pregnant again. I didn’t het them tied and went on to have a 5th child. That is when i found out the anxiety! Bit other than that delivery, my other 4 were beaitiful, and uneventful!

I have also been having my battles with the catholic church. I have let friends (who don’t like the catholic religion) get me thinking if this is really the true faith. I hate all the abuse in the church. I haven’t been to church in almost a year, stopped praying the rosary, etc. I tried looking at other Christian faiths…but I don’t get the same out of it. They are always lacking something, and I can feel it. My soul felt like it was missing something. I have gotten back into watching videos on the catholic faith and praying again, s well as going to church…and I feel less anxiety…but this nfp and the fear is still there!

I’m getting off topic!

Can anyone relate…or have any advice. I would love to have a large family…always wanted to! But this crazy fear of childbirth death is making me rethink it.

Blessings
 
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Duguefab5 said:
I am at the point where I am thinking of getting professional help to over come this fear…if it is even possible.
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This.

We know that Christ tells us “Be Not Afraid” but sometimes we need a professional to help with the anxiety.
 
Do you have a legitimate medical concern regarding a future pregnancy, or is this completely out of the blue? I think most people are prone to concerns about the “what ifs” of childbirth, but if they get to a point that they are delibitating, that could be serious. You could “solve it” by simply avoiding pregnancy going forth, even using immoral means to do so, but would that really solve the problem? Couldn’t the subject of your anxiety switch to something like high-blood pressure, car accidents, or cancer, all of which kill a lot more women than pregnancy and childbirth? I think you might be on the right track with getting some therapy or seeing a priest about this irrational anxiety.
 
Thank you for replying. I do have anxiety in general…and with this part i thought maybe i just wasn’t trusting enough! But, i see the difference.
Actually, and i forgot to mention this part in my post, but my 4th child’s delivery was very scary. I never processed it until i was pregnant with my 5th…and that’s where it began. Makes a lot of sense now that i have written it out!
 
Thank you for replying.
Actually (and i just edited my post because i didnt think to mention it!), I had a very traumatic 4th delivery. I didn’t notice the impact of it until i found out ibwas pregnant with #5…and the floodgates were opened!

I totally agree…we did use barrier contraception…and i was still anxious until my cycle came around!

Writting it out in the post made me realize that it is probably best to get help with this! Can’t be like this for thebrest of my fertile years (i’m 34)!
 
Oh man. I’ll. Very similar to my wife who is currently pregnant with our seventh. The answer for us was to completely surrender and give up nfp.
 
My advice is that irrational fears may need some professional guidance from a counselor or other mental health professional.

We all have them, but if they are ruling your life, it’s time to get help.
 
Oh wow! It’s great that she could work through it! Does she still worry about it much…or do you find that giving up the “control” has helped some?
 
Fear of childbirth based on a traumatic experience could be considered a serious reason.

I hemorrhaged with my first, and had some other delivery complications that made me terrified to have any more. I did want another though, and just had our second- but had some really serious anxiety before and during labor because of it.

These kinds of situations are very individual. I think that if you’re being sick with worry every month over it, going to see a mental health professional is a good idea.
 
Don’t let anyone tell you your fears are irrational. You hemhorraged in childbirth. Very dangerous. You are lucky you are still here. You have five children who need a mother.

Your fear is completely rational. You have five kids. Maybe that is enough. Only you and your husband can decide that. NFP doesn’t always work as well as ABC. It depends on the circumstances.

Remember, your kids need their mom. Your job is to be there for them.
 
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Thanks for your outlook…that’s how i feel most times. Why chance it after 5 births, you know. But i also know ABC is not right!
 
Know that God loves your kids more than you do. Know that not a sparrow falls to the ground without the Father seeing it. That it is appointed to each of us a time to die, should that time be today or 100 years from now, God in his infinite love, will use even that pain for glory and for good.

There is a very powerful little book “Searching For and Maintaining Peace” by Fr Phillipe. Give it a read.
 
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I really really read a ton of what we went through in your post. After our 6th my wife went into a severe PPD. Coupled with severe anxiety attacks. And due to blood thinner issues and other medical issues there was virtually NO medication she could take. She saw a therapist once. It was a rough year and a half. She had PPD after our third as well. But the anxiety and panic attacks were something I’ve never seen before. She knew she was not being “logical” but could not stop the anxiety from setting in. And once her cycle returned NFP (which one would think would make it better only made it incredibly worse.) Rationalizing NFP to a person suffering from anxiety is, well, almost impossible.
As I continue the story please remember that NFP and your situation may be massively different. I’m just telling our story and in no way am I suggesting you do as we did or anything really.
One of the things that seemed to really keep coming up was the back and forth. I’ve always been against NFP and she would occasionally see my side but then the anxiety and just plain old life would get in the way. The theme that kept coming up for us was control. Pure and simple. Control of our marriage, control of when and how to bring forth life, control of her job, our house, our finances. But mostly control of her own medical issues and depression and anxiety. It got to the point she could not take the kids out of the house without me. We went to many doctors and because of her medical blood issues she could not take any antidepressants or anti anxiety meds. This only served to make her more depressed and anxious. And for the first time ever. Our marriage suffered. Not horribly, but …cont
 
Yes p, that is true as well…but its not even the subject of ABC or NFP…it’s the anxiety. Because abc can still fail…and i’d be anxious of that happening too!
 
cont…
yeah, her parenting suffered, her job performance suffered and she knew it but couldn’t stop it. After months of daily breakdowns and tearful nights and after a trip to Italy just to get away from it all, we reached the conclusion (well, I reached the conclusion) that we would abandon NFP and any attempts to “control” our lives to God. It sounds so protestant, and it sounds so traditional and it sounds so illogical but to give up this idea of struggling to control everything we needed to let go of everything. And yep, her worst fear came true that very cycle. I was shocked. She was even more shocked. There was a lot of anger and frustration on both sides. But now, for the first time in years, there is peace., acceptance, And love and smoothness. It wasn’t immediate. After she found out she was pregnant there was 4 weeks of some pretty rough times. But the last while has been so good for us.
As a background if you are new. I am a stay at home dad who homeschools our 6 kids aged 13-1.5. My wife is a super smart super successful scientist and business woman. She is published in the biotech field and now works as a PM. She travels a lot for business and just got back form about a month in Australia. We live in the Western USA.

Also, I believe you said you had 5. When my wife was preggers with number 5 we lived in Indiana away from all family and friends. She worked full time for a large biotech company that rymes with now. and while pregnant, thousands of miles away from family and friends she and working as a scientist full time, she managed to get her MBA in one year… So she is capable of superhuman levels of stress and bandwith. Which is why this chemical change in PPD and anxiety were so out of character. When she had her “breakdown” we had just purchased an awesome house, moved back home, she has an amazing job. Everything was going well on the outside. I usually don’t share this level of personal detail but I felt that just knowing that there are others who struggle with these issues could be helpful to you.

Also after number 5 my wife suffered a Pulmonary embolism that was insanely scary. She will be on bloodthinners for life.

Prayers your way!
 
Duguefab5 said:
Yes p, that is true as well…but its not even the subject of ABC or NFP…it’s the anxiety. Because abc can still fail…and i’d be anxious of that happening too!
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This is very true. It didn’t matter to my wife and I which form of avoiding was discussed. We knew it was wrong and we knew that what was going on was not sustainable and could not be trusted for life.
 
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