No Idea What I'm Called to

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Melodeonist

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I am rather confused as to which vocation God is calling me to. I find myself attracted to all the vocations, but mostly the Priesthood, lay single hood, or married life.

I struggle with a strong attraction to women, which at times makes me feel God is calling me to marriage. However, I also enjoy being single and having the ability to go out and do whatever I want, unless it’s sinful of course. I also see the draw of the priesthood as I am an extrovert and I love interacting with people and helping them.

I’m currently attending my 4th full semester at college for a computer information systems degree. I get good grades, but I know that I couldn’t stand an office job. I plan on joining the Police force when I turn 21 next year and after I get my associates degree. I know I’d like being a cop because, as it’s very nature, you are helping people and interacting with people all day. In a way, you are doing good deeds for your job.

I’ve never dated before because I never really cared for marriage. But I feel if I met a holy Catholic woman with similar interests as me I could grow in faith.

I should get a spiritual director, but it seems my area is lacking spiritual directors who are priests (at least my parish is). It also seems that most Catholics in my area are either senior citizens, or middle aged families who drag their children along. There are also some people who take their faith very seriously and go to confession frequently and follow many traditions. However, it seems there aren’t very many young, faithful Catholic women in my parish (not that I ever really looked) and if there are they probably already have boyfriends so marriage is probably out of the picture.

This is probably some sort of a long rant, but I’m kind of lost in regards to vocations. I feel that I probably am called to marriage because I have a strong attraction to women (without a wife I’d probably struggle with lust till I die) and I like the idea of being a father.

Please help. Thanks! 👍😇
 
I think you’re right and what’s in order is a good spiritual director.

Also, please don’t think a CIS degree is useless to humanity. You could do a whole lot of good working with NPO’s or even something like the dioceses. I’m not dissing cops and their work in the community, but I promise you that CIS knowledge could provide invaluable to a Catholic school, to an anti-drug program or something like Big Brothers, Big Sisters.

One of my favorite priests was an electrical/computer engineer for 40 years, and then felt God called him to be a priest. He did MUCH good in his community as a single person, free to come and go as he pleased with the extensive knowledge of an in-demand field.
 
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While you are correct, I don’t feel it’s for me. I like interacting with people face to face far more than online. Besides, the intellectual persuit is quite tiring and I already dread the computer stuff. That’s why I feel computers really aren’t for me. I love making graphic designs in photoshop and illustrator, but that’s about it.
 
Spend as much as time as you can daily before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. He will make things clear to you in time. Best time you will ever spend on Earth! Eucharistic adoration is a key aspect of discerning your personal vocation.
 
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Have you shadowed a current cop? Most do not get to be beat cops, and even those cops who are out in the community have hours of paperwork a day.

It’s understandable that after 4 years of education you are tired, but I’d recommend trying to see what jobs you can do with your knowledge rather than fantasizing on what you think a career may be about.

With your CIS knowledge, a police department would likely not want to assign you to patrol.

It sounds like you need to sit down with a career counselor as well because while the majority of CIS jobs are more or less solo, there is a good number of jobs that require working with people.
 
Actually I’ve only been attending college since January 2016. I really only chose the degree for the money and boy did I regret that decision.

My father works in the CIS field and from what he goes through seems kind of hellish. Threats of transferring him across the country to brutal deadlines. No thanks.
 
Melodeonist said:
Actually I’ve only been attending college since January 2016. I really only chose the degree for the money and boy did I regret that decision.

My father works in the CIS field and from what he goes through seems kind of hellish. Threats of transferring him across the country to brutal deadlines. No thanks.
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I mean this with all sincerity, Melodeonist, you need to figure some of these things out for yourself and not rely on second-hand knowledge. I have worked in higher education for over a decade. The past few years have been with non-traditional students who are in the IT and CIS fields.

Your father’s experience is not necessarily the norm, especially for newer graduates. It’s also very dependant on his personality and his willingness to keep himself in a position like that. Perhaps because he feared he wouldn’t provide for your family, perhaps of other factors but in America, no one needs to keep a job. Your father, perhaps for good reasons and perhaps not, put himself in the place he is in.

You NEED–not really a choice–NEED to get good career counseling. Fortunately, most colleges offer it for free. You NEED to understand the aspects of the options of the careers you want to do. I don’t mean to be cruel, but you seem to have no comprehension of your major’s career outcomes or any of the jobs you think you’d like.
 
@Melodeonist have you talked with a counselor at your college? Have you filled out an interest inventory or aptitude test? Talking over the results of the test with the counselor may help you zero in on something, or maybe a few things, you might enjoy. Also consider that you may be a multipotentialite. It may take some time to figure out your path but know there are a lot of options and it’s okay if you major in one thing now and then have the opportunity to do something quite different.
 
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I think you may be right about that. I enjoy many things, be that music, art, crafting stuff, working retail, working deli, and pretty much anything where I get to use my hands. I can solve thinking problems pretty well, but I don’t enjoy them in the least.

I can’t say I’ve ever talked with a career counselor per se as I was homeschooled from 2nd grade onward, but I did have a psychologist in kindergarten and first grade who said I do best or enjoy most when I work with my eyes and my hands. I feel that also extends to ears and hands as I also enjoy music.
 
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Pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your discernment.
 
Melodeonist said:
I think you may be right about that. I enjoy many things, be that music, art, crafting stuff, working retail, working deli, and pretty much anything where I get to use my hands. I can solve thinking problems pretty well, but I don’t enjoy them in the least.

I can’t say I’ve ever talked with a career counselor per se as I was homeschooled from 2nd grade onward, but I did have a psychologist in kindergarten and first grade who said I do best or enjoy most when I work with my eyes and my hands. I feel that also extends to ears and hands as I also enjoy music.
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Having a psychologist in kindergarten is not the same as a professional career counselor in college. Some high schools have guidance counselors to help a student figure out life paths, but they differ greatly from career counselors found in college. The major difference is that in high school one prepares for college or trade, but in college, one prepares for the various demands of the workforce.
 
More of a parish priest to be honest. I don’t think I could ever be any sort of a teacher, but I could be wrong.
 
I’ve asked my priest if he could be a spiritual director (unfortunately he was unable to do so), but I never asked him about being a parish priest to be honest.
 
Melodeonist said:
I am rather confused as to which vocation God is calling me to. I find myself attracted to all the vocations, but mostly the Priesthood, lay single hood, or married life.
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Well, to be honest there’s not much other than the priesthood, lay single hood, or married life, unless you’re going to become a religious! You’ve just about ticked all the boxes before you even make a start.

I gather you’re the ripe old age of 20. While concerns about the tuture seem important to people of your age, God is eternal. Another couple of years won’t make much difference to Him.

I remember when I was a new Christian, and asking the same question viz. “What am I supposed to do, and how do I find out?” I asked one of the pastor’s sons (I was Presbyterian then…) and his reply wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear, which was -

“You might be waiting a long time. Moses was 80 before he was called.” Much as I didn’t like to hear it, he was right. And I doubt if Moses wanted to spend 40 years out in the backside of the desert of Midian as a shepherd, or another 40 years shepherding a bunch of complaining Jews through another desert. But that’s what he ended up doing. One thing was certain - it wasn’t HIS plan.

I think you might need to develop a bit of patience. Now no doubt you made a decision to study IT, and it seems you’re doing fairly well at it. So while you had a hand in making that decision, in another sense God put you there, and until He makes it clear what He wants you to do, I think you’ll find He expects you to stay there.

You don’t know - an opening might come up while you do your studies. Moses was just doing his boring job minding a bunch of sheep when a burning bush caught his eye. The rest is history.

But if you wander off and make your own decison without reference to Him, you can cause yourself a lot of grief. No doubt you won’t see a burning bush (unless you’ve got a flammable screen saver, as in one hilarious episode of “The IT Crowd”), but you know what I’m getting at.

So if I were you, for the time being at least, i’d just complete your course of study, get a job, even if you don’t like it much, and wait for God to make your paths clear. It’s not always easy, but patience is a part of faith.

Just stay where you are until you get some sort of divine guidance. And when you do, you’ll probably find it comes through another Christian, preferably Catholic Christian in your case.
 
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Melodeonist said:
I’ve asked my priest if he could be a spiritual director (unfortunately he was unable to do so), but I never asked him about being a parish priest to be honest.
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I have done this myself so don’t take it personal… Sometime we see things we think we want to be because of what we project our image on them. We don’t see the situation for what it really is. I kind of think that is where you are at. Probably most people your age are like this. Their vocation and career choices are made up on images of of their limited interactions and what they see in the media.

I was listening to an interview with Dayton Moore, the general manager of the KC Royals. The topic was young ball players in his organization. He said most high school kids when they get drafted want to be professional baseball players. The first year when baseball playing become a real job and the have to live\learn\practice\produce 8+ hours a day six days a week things change. For many that idea becomes a desire for them, but not really the vocation they want to live.

You are young and in school still. Are you in this situation? The way to find out is to see if you want to experience the priest “lifestyle” for a while. Do you want to deal with budgets. Do you want to hear confessions over and over and over and liver again? Do you want to listen to parishioners complain about the Mass? Do you want to spent time in the hospital giving Last Rights? Do you want to console grieving parishioners? Do you want to hear the abuse of people who wronged by the church years ago and refuse to let go? Do you want to hear from right wingers who only want a communion rail and women to veil in Mass? Do you you want to hear from left wingers who think the church needs to ordain women and approve abortion and gay marriage?

You may be cut out for this. That is great! The church needs leaders. The point I making is find out if you are interested in being a priest or are you interested in the IDEA of being a priest. You will find out by spending time with a priest.
 
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“Seek ye therefore first the kingdom of God, and his justice, and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Mt 6:33)

“I love them that love me: and they that in the morning early watch for me, shall find me.” (Prov 8:17, vulg.)
 
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Don’t take this the wrong way, but you seem to have some kind of social abnormality around women.

I’ve read some of your comments in the past and it appears you have a distorted view of women and marriage. If you’re an extrovert but never dated women, what is holding you back? Not every date has to be scrutinized whether the girl is suitable for marriage. Everyone needs to make mistakes, we learn from them. Relationships are no different.

My suggestion is go out and get your feet yet. I think this will go a long way in sorting out any confusion.
 
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Truth is, I don’t know how to date. I’d feel like a creepy pervert if I asked women out unless I was also going somewhere with friends. I have a crush on a Christian woman at work who’s the same age as me, but she probably already has a boyfriend. She also goes away to college so I only see her when college is out. She seems to be very pious as she apparently turned down a non Christian who wanted to date her.

Another reason I’ve never dated, besides not knowing how, is fear of my parents rejecting me and being uncomfortable discussing such matters with them. Their fallen away Catholics who are now best classified as non religious. This is honestly the biggest thing holding me back. If I had a girlfriend I’d want to keep it secret until I got married because I don’t know how my parents would react if I told them I had a girlfriend. I still live with them, and the area I live in has rents too high so I can’t escape my fear of my parents. I’m honestly more afraid of my mother as I am always afraid she wants me to be her “little baby” forever.
 
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