Praying with my spouse

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Looking for advice on how to begin praying with my wife. We go to church together. We are both Catholic. We talk about spirituality. But in the 9 years we’ve been married we have never really prayed together at home (other than grace before a meal).

I am think of suggesting it to her, and I suspect she will accept the offer, but I don’t really know where to begin. It seems uncomfortable for some reason. Should we just pray a few prayers before bed (Our Father, Hail Mary, etc)? She does not yet appreciate the role of Our Lady, so I don’t want to suggest the Rosary. Just not sure where to begin.

Any advice?
 
A few suggestions:
  1. Before getting bed each night, kneel down and pray quietly for a minute by yourself.
  2. After saying grace before meals, add a spontaneous prayer of thanks to God for any one of the many qualities that you love about your wife.
  3. Begin a discussion with your wife by asking her “Do you ever ask God for anything?”
  4. Sacrifice something regularly (like meat on Fridays); offer the sacrifice up to God for the strength.
  5. Show your wife items on the catholic.com website that might interest her.
Don’t try all of these at once! Choose one that suits you best and try it. Know that the Spirit has begun to knock… you only need to open the door. The Spirit will take over. Be not afraid.

Peace.
 
I imagine that your wife, who like most women is wired to desire more communication, closeness, and spirituality, would turn a cartwheel at your suggestion. Nonetheless, it can be awkward, especially to someone who has never prayed with others. After 13 years of marriage, we still struggle to be completely open at this time. Imagine, however, the blessing to your children when this is already an established tradition in the family into which they are born.

I have bought different books with prepared prayers, mostly for occasions, but you may find them useful. One I like is called “Prayers for Married Couples.”
 
Another suggestion is to just start discussing prayer life with her. My wife and I were/are in a similar position.

A nice first step was to discuss with each other how we prayed individually…(this had the side effect of us realizing how much more we need to pray!). What this discussion moves into, quite naturally I think, is a discussion of praying together.

I do know what you mean, though, when you state that is seems a little awkward. When you think about it objectively, there is no reason that it should be awkward – quite the opposite in fact. I think that because of the deep personal nature of prayer, and the fact that most of us pray only within large groups or alone, that it is quite understandable.

Like many things in life, though, I imagine this to be the case of something being very hard to start, but once you get momentum, it will become natural and something you can’t imagine not doing (think about starting an exercise program, starting a new routine for waking up early in the morning - those first few days are tough, but once you are in the groove, it becomes second nature).

Please let us know how it goes and if you have any advice for the rest of of in a couple weeks!
 
Chris W:
Looking for advice on how to begin praying with my wife. We go to church together. We are both Catholic. We talk about spirituality. But in the 9 years we’ve been married we have never really prayed together at home (other than grace before a meal).

I am think of suggesting it to her, and I suspect she will accept the offer, but I don’t really know where to begin. It seems uncomfortable for some reason. Should we just pray a few prayers before bed (Our Father, Hail Mary, etc)? She does not yet appreciate the role of Our Lady, so I don’t want to suggest the Rosary. Just not sure where to begin.

Any advice?
My wife and I have been praying together for many years now. It started on a Marriage Encounter Weekend when while holding hands we “Thanked God for the gift of eachother.”
From there it has grown through the years.

This may be a way to begin and give her a opportunity to respond.

Praying for you sucess! :yup:
Deacon Don
 
This is an area I wish my wife and I were more faithful toward. In other words, I wish we more devoutly and consistently prayed together because I really beleive that prayer inthis form is extremely powerful as it so closely represents the intimacy of Christ and his Church.

The suggestion about spontaneous prayer at meal times is a good one. We do this and it has had definate impact. Another suggestion is to do either the Morning or Nightly prayer from the Office or from Magnificat (periodical). This would be structured and allow you both to participate in a way that takes pressure off of one who doesn’t “feel” like they are good at (verbal) prayer.

Seeking God’s face together is very holy IMHO.
 
My spouse and I teach Marriage Prep to engaged couples. We provide them tools to begin their prayer life together.
First of all,we stress the importance of considering praying together and the wonderful blessings you get by doing it.
We encourage them to begin small…even if it means just by saying grace before meals. It can progress further, by including morning or night prayers together. My husband and I recite the Liturgy of the Hours together. Before you leave the house it is common to give each other a kiss…consider making the sign of the cross on each other’s forehead as a sign of your connection and your desire for their safety and a good day.
Worship together…make a committment to attend mass together.
there are prayer books available at most Catholic book stores that will give you a host of prayers that you can recite together.
Most especially…choose a time of day that is good for both of you. Don’t ask a morning person to pray at night…they are just too tired, and it frustrates both of you.
There are many marriage magazines…like Marriage Partnership, Marriage Magazine, Catholic Parent, Faith and Family etc that will provide articles to get you started and keep your prayer life fresh. I can keep on going and going on this topic!
Check out your family ministries in your diocese…there are usually workshops or retreats you can attend together or alone to make this a continuing blessing that will strengthen not only your prayer life but your marriage which will be reflected in the your entire family. And don’t forget…the many website offered regarding Catholic marriages…there are a myriad of them including: growthtrac.com for instance. The importance of it all is this: When we love we want our spouses in heaven…that’s why we love! God bless you!
 
Some couples pray the Evening Prayer form the Liturgy of the Hours (Christian Prayer / Brievery) together. You can pray antiphonally like the Psalms and the way you do the Hail Mary etc.

A shorter similar alternative is doing the same with Evening Prayer in Magnificat Magazine. Just get two subsciptions.

The good thing about this is that the scripture reading and Psalms themselves ay generate some dicussion after the prayer.

And of course there is always the Rosary.

I know a Protestant minister and his wife who pray the Evening Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours together after getting the suggestion form a priest friend.
 
Wow. I hesitated to post this thread because it seemed a little too personal, but I am glad I did.

Thank you all for the advise and prayers. Oddly, I get emotional just thinking about my wife and I praying together. I guess it could perhaps be an indication of how powerful this could be for us.

What a great blessing this web-site forum has been already!
 
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stbruno:
My spouse and I teach Marriage Prep to engaged couples. We provide them tools to begin their prayer life together.
First of all,we stress the importance of considering praying together and the wonderful blessings you get by doing it.
We encourage them to begin small…even if it means just by saying grace before meals. It can progress further, by including morning or night prayers together. My husband and I recite the Liturgy of the Hours together. Before you leave the house it is common to give each other a kiss…consider making the sign of the cross on each other’s forehead as a sign of your connection and your desire for their safety and a good day.
Worship together…make a committment to attend mass together.
there are prayer books available at most Catholic book stores that will give you a host of prayers that you can recite together.
Most especially…choose a time of day that is good for both of you. Don’t ask a morning person to pray at night…they are just too tired, and it frustrates both of you.
There are many marriage magazines…like Marriage Partnership, Marriage Magazine, Catholic Parent, Faith and Family etc that will provide articles to get you started and keep your prayer life fresh. I can keep on going and going on this topic!
Check out your family ministries in your diocese…there are usually workshops or retreats you can attend together or alone to make this a continuing blessing that will strengthen not only your prayer life but your marriage which will be reflected in the your entire family. And don’t forget…the many website offered regarding Catholic marriages…there are a myriad of them including: growthtrac.com for instance. The importance of it all is this: When we love we want our spouses in heaven…that’s why we love! God bless you!
As was everyone elses!

Making the Sign of Cross on each other is so sweet! I do it for my children all the time but only for my husband when he is ill.

What an excellent idea.

Stephanie
 
My wife and I attended a couples prayer group at our church a year or so ago, and we have been praying together ever since. It is a great comfort and a blessing. There is no right or wrong way to do it, and the sessions gave us a number of ideas on how to find our own particular style. Pick a time of day that works best for you. After dinner, end of the day, beginning of the day, whatever works for you. Spiritual music in the background, formal prayer or informal (freestyle - not your staple teaching in the Catholic faith, but it can be an acquired habit), a lit candle. We have gotten in the habit of using some good Catholic books to find readings in to read and reflect upon. Sometimes we use the bible. You could contact someone at our church ( holyspirit-highland.com/ ) to find out who the guy is who ran the class (it was a six week class, one evening a week) and see if it is something you could have put on in your parish. Good luck and keep prayin’! 👍

Doc
“He who sings prays twice.” St. Augustine
 
An idea that worked for my wife and me…For our anniversary I made a set of kneelers to keep next to the bed.

At first she didn’t realize what they were. But once the first mystery was solved, it broke the ice and we have been praying the mysteries (glorious, sorrowful, joyful, luminous) since.
 
Since before we were married, my husband and I have been praying together at night. Depending on just how tired we are, our prayers at night range from a Rosary to a few standards (Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, Memorare).

In the mornings, we spend quiet time together in contemplation. This is a great way to start the day, especially if one of you (or both) is not big on talking first thing in the morning.

We say grace before meals, and have been trying to be more faithful the the Liturgy of Hours, at least for evening and/or night prayer. If DH comes home early enough, he can read the Office of Readings to me while I make dinner.

I know that all this sounds like alot, but maybe starting with just night prayer would be a good first step. We have also benefited from spontaneous trips to the church to pray together-- quietly or otherwise.
 
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