Priests Who Fall In Love

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Someone sent me this Vox article today. I hadn’t seen it before and thought I would share.

www.vox.com

I’ve spent 30 years counseling priests who fall in love. Here’s what I learned.

Vox is a general interest news site for the 21st century. Its mission: to help everyone understand our complicated world, so that we can all help shape it. In text, video and audio, our reporters explain politics, policy, world affairs, technology, culture, science, the climate crisis, money...
www.vox.com www.vox.com
 
“It is here that love can bloom more easily. Not the theoretical, theological kind of love discussed in training, but the actual, sensuous, immediate, and non-intellectualized power trip of falling for someone.”

Here they replace true love with a mere theoretical one.

I found it interesting that they said it’s a macho, manly thing to be a priest. This is true, priests should be manly. This is one reason why we don’t ordain women, it is a manly, Adam like thing to be a priest. That stuck out to me.

If someone must, then he maybe shouldn’t be a priest. Even in the past when priests were married they’d still be celibate.

Every sin hurts the Body of Christ in some way, but the sins of priests strike at the Heart. Let us pray for all priests, and for the ordination of good priests.
 
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The Thorn Birds always struck me as just plain icky.
I know it’s supposed to be a classic of literature…it still felt icky reading in detail about some girl having a love affair with a priest.

There used to be a lot of movies and books where priests fell in love but managed to NOT give in to temptation. “The Cardinal” and “I Confess” were two of them.
 
But such changes call into question a major thrust of Catholic moral teaching, which emphasizes procreation at the expense of relationship.
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Huh? How?
The Church does emphasize procreation, but I don’t see how that is “at the expense of relationship”.
 
I attend a christian mens workout group and I have thought about inviting the priest, though no one else’s pastor works out with us. I have often thought it seems like they, whether a catholic priest or a protestant preacher, get moved around without any family/friendship structure. I would guess that is hard.
 
There’s a lot of room for improvement where priesthood seminary training is concerned, particularly for a celibate lifestyle. Their relationship to Jesus Hostia; the mystical theology of the priesthood; contemplative prayer; spiritual warfare; just to name a few. They’re sending these young guys to isolated places, which is essentially making them hermits, and not teaching them how to “fight.” They prolly need hermits on seminary faculties who can teach them that. Animals are nice companions, but it’s Adam before Eve all over again.

Blessings,
Mrs Cloisters OP
Lay Dominican
http://cloisters.tripod.com/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/charity/
 
hoping4more said:
I attend a christian mens workout group and I have thought about inviting the priest, though no one else’s pastor works out with us. I have often thought it seems like they, whether a catholic priest or a protestant preacher, get moved around without any family/friendship structure. I would guess that is hard.
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Invite him, it might be fun! 🙂 My uncle is a priest. He’s retired now, but when he was working in parishes he used to complain about what he’d call “the priestly bubble.” He was referring to how respectful - but also how distant - parishioners are to a new priest. My uncle is a laughing, cheerful person who thrives on company and good conversation, so always the first few months of a new assignment were the hardest.
We invited one of our priests out for my dad’s 70th birthday. He looked at us with such surprise, even asked us why we would invite him, but said yes. I think he enjoyed himself. We were glad to have him, he’s a lot of fun.
 
“A more challenging development would be to expand priests’ knowledge of human sexuality and intimacy as well as increase their regard for those critical parts of the human experience.”

I don’t think you can just tell somebody about human sexuality and intimacy. The best way to learn would be through experience, which is not allowed to priests. And I’m sure priests do regard these aspects of life as important. They counsel many people about them.

As for levelling the playing field, parishioners and priests spending more time together, I’m not sure that would ever take away the awe, respect, or distance we feel as parishioners. It’s a bit like when you were in grade school. Your parents might get to know one of your teachers and even invite him to your house, but it would never be a close relationship from the student’s point of view. There is always the knowledge that this is his teacher.

Basically, this article was disappointing. It doesn’t appear that much was learnt in thirty years of counselling that we as laity can grab on to. We’ve all heard that some priests end up in affairs.

My takeaway is just pray for priests.
 
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And ““Mermaid’s Chair”” but in this one he was not a priest actually but a monk awaiting to tell his vows so not fully a monk either.
 
Articles like this are another reminder to pray for priests. They live their lives for God and souls and sacrifice so much along the way. They have the hardest job in the world.

It’s easy to complain when they seem to fail in their duties to us, but do they ever complain when we fail in our duties to them? When we neglect them in our prayers, see only their mistakes, or are excessively offended by a sharp word from Father? Maybe he didn’t feel good that day, or spent all night with a dying parishioner, or all morning fielding complaints about his homily, another priest, the church being too drafty, etc.

I remember once approaching a priest to offer him a favor. It was the end of what was probably a long day for him; he looked exhausted. As I neared, I got this look that could only be translated as “Oh no, what do you want?” But once I made my offer he warmed up considerably toward me. I don’t say this to toot my own horn - God knows I’ve said and thought things about priests that I sorely regret now - but even the kindest and most patient priests are still only human.

I’m not excusing priests who go against their vows, but it’s true that a parish can make or break a priest. And as much as I love CAF - and I’m not directing this at anyone in particular - but in the short time I’ve been here, there have been a lot of complaints against priests. Some were serious and legitimate concerns, but other times I just felt really sorry for the priest in question.

Ok, I’m done, getting off my soapbox now 🙂
 
I only saw the movie and I kind of like it in a way, except for her character because she picked between her sons based on her romantic affection. But I got that, the author was bringing in some Cain vs. Abel tragedy except instead of God now stood a mother with an impossible love affair with disastrous effects on a lot of people’s life. Imho the fact that her lover was a priest was just because the author wanted to depict some strong tragedy of impossible love and this seemed like a good enough theme. So the fact that he was a priest was not really the theme of the story for me just a detail of the tragedy.
 
I thought this was a good, well-written, well thought out article and not the kind of priest-bashing you see in some secular outlets.

However, I think it’s important to remember that married couples often face not-so-different challenges, such as loneliness, sexual frustration, and temptations to marital infidelity.
 
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I personally don’t believe it should be so hard for a priest to not fall in love.

-He must guard his heart vigilantly. And keep always a distance from women that befits his calling. Being overly familiar with a woman is not acceptable for a priest.

-If he feels drawn to a women, he must be particularly cool to her, perhaps even unfriendly at times and shun her company, if necessary.

-He should have a strong devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary.

Priests are sinners, as well are, but if he falls in love, he has truly done it by ever so gradual degrees that could have been nipped in the bud at the very beginning.
 
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Sadly, I disagree. I think it’s near impossible to stop yourself from falling in love with someone, no matter how huge the steps you take to prevent it.

Lust can be controlled. Love really cannot.

It’s not their fault. It’s part of being human and my prayers go out to these men.
 
I rarely pester priests because they’re so busy, but a month ago I happened to see a pastor I know somewhat from being on two pilgrimages with him and having him minister to my mom when she was in the hospital. There was a new statue in his church for a few months, I didn’t recognize the saint, wasn’t finding out who she was from Google, and just really wanted to know who she was. I went up to him as he was locking up the church and said, “Father, I have a question that’s been bothering me for months and I just have to ask.” He said, jokingly, “Am I in trouble?” I said, “Oh of course not” and proceeded to ask about the statue. But that has made me wonder just how many times somebody has approached this priest to complain or tell him he’s “in trouble” for something.
 
JamalChristophr said:
Priests are sinners, as well are, but if he falls in love, he has truly done it by every so gradual degrees that could have been nipped in the bud at the very beginning.
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It’s not just a question of avoiding particular people, but of managing an inherent component of the self that hungers for love. I’m a celibate 20-something and, for me at least, desire isn’t a dormant thing that’s turned off until someone attractive flips the switch. It’s more like an ever-present yearning that desperately wants to find focus.
 
I remember reading The Grapes of Wrath in a breakroom (I was 23-24) at my job and a young woman of similar age entered and asked what I was reading. After I told her she said “Oh. How can you read a book like THAT? Why don’t you read something good like The Thorn Birds.”

I took the high road and let her have that last word.
 
True and understandable, but what some people don’t understand is that a priest is already married and anything else is adultery.

A priest is consecratted in the truest sense of the word. He is set apart. And he must live his consecration day in and day out.

Also, it can be easy, I think for a woman to become close to a priest because of his holiness which is very attractive and she considers him “safe”. Herein can lie danger for both.
 
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And a married man who would fall in love with a woman other than his?
And a single who would fall in love with a married woman?
And a single who would fall in love with a single woman who does not love him?

the question asked is not a problem specific to priests …
 
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