Purging and Reconciliation: How detailed must I be in Confession?

[sanchopanza]

I am about 8-9 months into conversion and on the verge of beginning RCIA to be Confirmed. Earlier this year was my first Confession ever, and the first three or four led to very powerful emotional purges only hours after being absolved. But because I essentially was allowed to skip CCD once I began 5th or 6th grade I never went through penance and Reconciliation, so I never confessed my sins until this year at age 35. And with countless sins to confess from almost 20 years of being dangerously immersed in the world, some things no doubt slipped my mind, though I did reveal the big ones, though not necessarily in a detailed context.

However, what I consider some of the more wicked things I did during my years as a very lost sheep I confessed more or less by category of sin instead of weaving the horrific tale that would truly show just how conniving, selfish and immoral I was in my dark past. (I say wicked because they were beyond willful - they became natural.) I just went through a bunch of Michael Gaitley’s Consoling the Heart of Jesus this weekend and it resulted in some powerful insights along with much progress along the road to healing and closer union with Christ. My concern is, I feel like I kind of slipped some of my past mortal sins under the radar in a sense by simply confessing them by category instead of expounding to reveal the true horror and evil they represent. At the time I was so ashamed because I’ve become increasingly close to the priests in my Church and one of their more avid pupils, making a more detailed confession something that I feared would make them look at me differently (despite my having revealed a littany of sins already). Am I thinking this out too much or is my pride simply trying to cling to what l haven’t yet succeeded - with the grace of God - in destroying? How much detail is expected? Do I need to reveal every last repulsive detail to a priest, especially if I’ve cried a river over every one of them at the foot of my crucifix many times?

While driving home from the market the pain from the more serious sins I committed hit me very hard and resulted in a torrent of emotions letting loose. I have a lot of raw nerves that have been exposed during my conversion, I’m confronting some grotesque scars in my psyche that are the result of living a life that opposed and rejected God for so long. In short, the closer I get to God the more debased and disgusting I see my dying old self to be. I don’t deserve, nor do I expect, any significant relief from the crosses I must carry for disobedience to the Lord because I know that these very sins are part of the inconceivable pain He felt and died for on Calvary. I want to help others, especially others who are in the same deadly boat I was in not so long ago, and I want to help out of love, not just because I feel indebted, for clearly the debt is one I could never pay in one million years.

Do I need to expound on my life of sin more than categorically or can I continue to work towards amending my behaviors, healing and letting the Lord use me as an instrument to bring others back to the fold?

Thanks a lot for your attention.

 

[maltmom]

If this is bothering you so much please make an appointment with your Priest to discuss these things. I’m a new convert and it’s my understanding that during confession we are to give enough details for the Priest to have an understanding of the sin and the number of times it was committed. When you meet with the Priest he should be able to tell you if there are things need to confess b/c they weren’t covered before.

Please remember that once you confess and you are forgiven for your sins God forgets them as far as the east is from the west. You need to then forgive yourself. The past is the past. Move forward and learn from your mistakes.

I’ll be praying for you.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Please remember that once you confess and you are forgiven for your sins God forgets them as far as the east is from the west. .

God doesn’t “forget” our sins. He doesn’t hold them against us after we’re absolved. We will be held accountable at our particular judgment, and then again every single sin we’ve ever committed will be made known to everyone at the General Judgment.

 

[Qwestions]

Sanchopanza, relax in the arms of Our Savior, Jesus Christ. Let Him hold you and comfort you. Let His peace seep into your bones until you can fully trust in the saving grace of Our Father’s Son. You may have turned away from Him, but He was always there for you. God knows every particle of you. He is with you at this minute, He was with you yesterday, and He was with you on all the yesterdays of your life. He knows your innermost thoughts. He knows your heart. He knows your genuine sorrow and your desire to live to glorify Him.

Know that for the sins you confessed, you have been forgiven. God knows that you couldn’t possibly remember every single detail of every single sin that you committed, because you’re human, and we simply can’t remember all that’s happened over several years. When you confessed by category, you were giving a General Confession, which is not at all unusual for a person in your circumstances, because we’re not expected to remember the details over such a long period for which we’re confessing.

When you do remember a mortal sin that you had forgotten about, it will obviously bring you a greater measure of peace to mention it in your next confession, but if that sin was covered within a larger category of sins, it has been forgiven, categorically (but not specifically). Since you’d be telling the priest about that specific mortal sin for the first time, you need not worry about scrupulosity. But don’t confess a second time the specific mortal sins for which you have already been granted absolution in a previous confession, for that would be an example of scrupulosity.

The priest grants you absolution as a stand-in for God; when you hear the words of the priest, you’re hearing the words of God THROUGH the priest. The beauty of confession is that once your confessed sins are forgiven, THOSE particular sins ARE FORGIVEN! They need NEVER be confessed again! (Of course, if you slip and commit those same sins again, then those new occurrences need to be confessed.)

However, if you deliberately glossed over some types of mortal sin because you were ashamed to have your confessor know the depth of your misdeeds, then withholding that information was deliberate on your part, and that withholding was an additional sin. You need to confess the mortal sins you tried to hide (you were deliberately omitting them during your General Confession) and the fact that you did so.

There is no need to bare your soul about these mortal sins with the particular priests with whom you’ve developed a friendship. Confession hours for all the churches in the country should be on the Internet. Search your diocese website (Ex: Catholic diocese in New York, NY) until you find the information you seek. If necessary, use posted phone numbers to learn when you can receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation in another Catholic Church.

God knows how much you regret your past life. He knows how much you want to live in perfect union with Him. He also knows that some of those mortal sins weren’t specifically mentioned because you didn’t recall them at that time . . . and He knows that you did a bit of glossing, so search your heart, make a good Act of Contrition, and come clean once and for all, in a church other than your home parish. As for every little nitty gritty detail? Tell the priest what you feel you must, but not blow-by-blow. He’ll ask you for any necessary clarification. There! Problem solved!

What do you do if, a month from now, you’re devastated all over again when you remember another horrendous mortal sin that you’d forgotten about, that’s even worse than the sins you’ve confessed? Same thing. Go to that other church to confess. Remember: the first confessing of a mortal sin previously addressed in a General Confession categorically, but not specifically, is acceptable, but not required. But if this mortal sin you recall wasn’t in any of the categories you mentioned in your General Confession, or deliberately glossed over, then it was not included in the absolution at all, and so is required.

Every time you receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation, rejoice in your absolution of those previously committed sins, believe God when He forgives you through His priest, and don’t confess those particular sins again (unless you backslide and commit them again), for that would be scrupulosity.

Have faith, sanchopanza, and rejoice in the Lord!

 

[roveau]

Put simply, your confessor would have known you were confessing 20 years of sin. If he wanted to know details of any of those you mentioned, he would certainly have asked you but he didn’t and you were absolved. That’s Christ’s forgiveness.

Of course by going through your memory of 20 years of sins, you are going to come across sins you forgot. After absolution you must not dwell on the sins of the past, that could even lead to sin again… so relax and get on with living the Christian life you aspire to.

 

[nguemo]

i totall agree with qwestions nd i can relate with someone not comfortable with confessing to a familiar priest. I remember i was in such a position when i had just graduated from university.i abstained from receiving communion because of the guilt i felt yet i couldn’t bring myself to go to confession because the priests in my parish were all close family friends. I felt fortunate however when the day i decided to confess all it was a visiting priest who was hearing confessions. Then i wondered why i didnt just go to another parish for confession. Please do every thing possible to ease the anguish in ur soul by goin to God the Father be it through confession to a priest or speaking to Him in a private corner like He was sitting right next to you.Talk to Him about your sins,mention names because He knows them all.humble your self before him and beg sincrely for forgiveness (it works for me and i make a better confession to the priest after that) Then try to forgive yourself friend.
Smile Jesus loves you.

 

[Richca]

Quote:
Originally Posted by maltmom
Please remember that once you confess and you are forgiven for your sins God forgets them as far as the east is from the west

.

God doesn’t “forget” our sins. He doesn’t hold them against us after we’re absolved. We will be held accountable at our particular judgment, and then again every single sin we’ve ever committed will be made known to everyone at the General Judgment.

“Come now, let us set things right,*says the LORD: Though your sins be like scarlet,
they may become white as snow; Though they be red like crimson, they may become white as wool.” ( Isaiah 1:18).

"For I will forgive their evildoing and remember their sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12).

"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our sins from us. (Psalm 103:12)

I don’t think we will be held accountable at the particular judgement for sins that have been forgiven for God says he will remember them no more. We may be held accountable for the temporal punishment due to sin if we haven’t atoned for that on earth in which case we would go to purgatory. Jesus said to the good thief “Today you will be with me in paradise.”

 

[maltmom]

“Come now, let us set things right,*says the LORD: Though your sins be like scarlet,
they may become white as snow; Though they be red like crimson, they may become white as wool.” ( Isaiah 1:18).

"For I will forgive their evildoing and remember their sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12).

"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our sins from us. (Psalm 103:12)

I don’t think we will be held accountable at the particular judgement for sins that have been forgiven for God says he will remember them no more. We may be held accountable for the temporal punishment due to sin if we haven’t atoned for that on earth in which case we would go to purgatory. Jesus said to the good thief “Today you will be with me in paradise.”

Thank you Rich. This is what I’ve always been taught. As a matter of fact, my Priest gave a homily about this a couple of weeks ago.

To the OP, I pray that you are reading the responses and that you find peace.

 

[Richca]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Richca
“Come now, let us set things right,*says the LORD: Though your sins be like scarlet,
they may become white as snow; Though they be red like crimson, they may become white as wool.” ( Isaiah 1:18).

"For I will forgive their evildoing and remember their sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12).

"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our sins from us. (Psalm 103:12)

I don’t think we will be held accountable at the particular judgement for sins that have been forgiven for God says he will remember them no more. We may be held accountable for the temporal punishment due to sin if we haven’t atoned for that on earth in which case we would go to purgatory. Jesus said to the good thief “Today you will be with me in paradise.”

Thank you Rich. This is what I’ve always been taught. As a matter of fact, my Priest gave a homily about this a couple of weeks ago.

To the OP, I pray that you are reading the responses and that you find peace.

Maltmom: you are very welcome and God bless you in your conversion to the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church

 

[alokin123]

I remember a confession once a few years ago, I wont go into too many details about my transgressions, but I was really scrupulous at the time (and still am to some degree) and I wrote everything I wanted to say on a piece of paper and pretty much memorised everything I wanted to say. I started confessing and was hardly speaking for 30 seconds before the priest interrupted me and told me I was going into too much detail and being to scrupulous. He said the Church doesn’t require us to commit our sins to paper in order to confess them. He wouldn’t let me finish and and absolved me from my sins.

Since then I have tried to be very specific about my sins, mentioning the sin, the number, the length of time etc… and if there is something that would clarify the situation of the sin I mention it.

So with regards to detail, you need to make it clear what you are trying to confess. If the priest thinks you are going into too much detail he will stop you or ask for more detail if he thinks you are being to vague or general.

 

[babochka]

I don’t give much detail when I’m confessing, unless I’m dealing with chronic sin and I’m hoping the priest can give me some advice on overcoming those sins. For past sins, I’d say that almost no detail is necessary. Just say the sin. If the priest needs more detail, he can ask for it.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

.

“Come now, let us set things right,*says the LORD: Though your sins be like scarlet,
they may become white as snow; Though they be red like crimson, they may become white as wool.” ( Isaiah 1:18).

"For I will forgive their evildoing and remember their sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12).

"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our sins from us. (Psalm 103:12)

I don’t think we will be held accountable at the particular judgement for sins that have been forgiven for God says he will remember them no more. We may be held accountable for the temporal punishment due to sin if we haven’t atoned for that on earth in which case we would go to purgatory. Jesus said to the good thief “Today you will be with me in paradise.”

These scripture passages are in reference to the forgiveness of sins and not being eternally punished for sins that have been absolved. I assure you, all of our sins will be made known at the Final Judgement. Catholicism isn’t based entirely in scripture that is taken at face value. From the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

V. THE LAST JUDGMENT

1039 In the presence of Christ, who is Truth itself, the truth of each man’s relationship with God will be laid bare.626 The Last Judgment will reveal even to its furthest consequences the good each person has done or failed to do during his earthly life

All will be made known. Those “private sins” aren’t exactly private. And the good names of those who were destroyed by someone, that has to be corrected, as do the good names of those who do not deserve a good name.

 

[sanchopanza]

Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond to my post. I know that once I confess I am forgiven, and while it may seem that I’m having a hard time forgiving myself, I think it’s actually just the horror of sin in general in light of the infinite love of Christ as I clean up my act. What is more, just thinking of how offended He is by my sins - especially from my past - I can’t even begin to imagine the sorrow He feels when taking on or even simply contemplating all of our sins en masse.

Clearly the purgative stage is just that - purging. In order to be healed and purified these things must come out of me, and I’ve prayed to the Lord to take them out by the roots and restore my soul. As Milton said, “Long is the way and hard that out of hell leads up to light.” I am nothing less than the Prodigal Son. Thanks to everyone for helping me in my return to the flock.