Sex postpartum not sure what to do

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sarapani

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I am not sure what to do. Usually I can find multiple good answers to topics on here but can’t find a clear answer on this one.

I joined the Church about 2 years ago after being a big Protestant for about 12 years. My cradle catholic husband and I got married in the church last year. We already had a baby before we got married and we just had another one 2 months ago. I am scared to have sex because I don’t want to have another baby for a long time. I’m exhausted. I am very convicted about the Church’s stance on artificial contraception since I went through RCIA and have read a lot about it. My husband however isn’t as convinced. I have tried to share things like speeches by Janet Smith or different articles but I guess they weren’t as convicting for him. I tracked my ovulation between the births of our 2 daughters but I’m not sure if it was real NFP.
Basically my husband suggested that we should just use condoms until my fertility comes back. Morally I just don’t think I can use them, but I am considering it at the same time because my husband and I have only had sex twice since our new baby was born and I feel like I am really depriving him and I don’t feel like I am doing my job as a wife. I would appreciate some advice. we don’t really know many people our age (under 30) that are Catholic so I like going on here to feel part of a community and reading about different topics about the faith.
Thanks for any advice that anybody has. Sorry if it was kind of a long explanation.
 
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sarapani said:
but I’m not sure if it was real NFP.
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First, congrats and big hugs.

This statement stood out to me. Our Diocese requires an “official” method training - the couple chooses their method - be done before a Catholic wedding. Stories like yours show why this is important.

Thing to do now is to find a method that will fit for you.

There are many methods, there is now tech to help out.

Billings is a mucous observation method


Creighton Model is what I used:

https://www.creightonmodel.com/

There are many resources out there for the Sympto Thermal Method (it is where you take your temp and cross check with checking your cervix).



Tech that helps with the STM


Marquette Method

https://nfp.marquette.edu/

I think those are the best known methods.

You can find an instructor, do Sykpe training if an instructor is not near.

There is a good book “The Sinners Guide to Natural Family Planning” that speaks in real life ways about this topic.


Reach out to your Diocese Family Life office. They can put you in touch with real couples in your area.

Speak to your pastor! I sincerely believe that every parish should have an NFP support group.
 
Hi Sarapani, Welcome.

I don’t have advice from first hand experience. I think it’s important and really great that you are trying to follow the Church’s teaching on this, hard as that may be. Also you should know that you are not depriving your husband by sticking to your morals on this issue. It is important to be intimate with your spouse but it is also important to be true to your principles. I would say that it’s good that you’re looking for help on this issue. There’s a few NFP experts on the forum who may be able to advise you.

The other thing I would say it that it might be good to point out to your husband that the “rules” of the Church and the teaching of Christ are not designed to be a burden to us but to help us and guide us and this is an opportunity to grow in love and holiness.

Good luck and congratulations!
 
it is up to you if you are willing to have sex, and a chance of pregnancy.

Yet, it is somewhat paradoxal the idea to use contraceptives “until your fertility come back”.
Would you want to say that your period had come back? If, yes, your fertility has come back, even if it may not be regular. your worries make sense but the vocabulary is not adequate.

if your period had not come back, and you are breastfeeding, and does not experience early fertility come back with your first, I advise you to learn about Lactational Amnehorea Method to see if you met the criterias. Your worries about pregnancy can be 98% unfound as long as you met the criterias.

you can still think that 2% chances of pregnancy is too much, but NFP generally is around this effectiveness rate.

also post partum is not the ideal time, by far, to learn a true NFP Method that is based on self observation of the cycle, can be done. abstinence is a good thing to see your pattern without stress and interferences. I say that, because, the day count you had done, is perfectly moral, but in many cases, in the first cycles, cannot be done, because they are very irregular. Perhaps your situation is different?

you can relax, having had sex two time in 2 months after a birth is very good! i don’t understand why you think it is not average. Your experience fit many others.

For contraceptive, it is not our place, here as Catholics, on an apologetic forum to “advise” you to use them.

I am postpartum myself, breastfeeding, fertility come back recently, trying to track my cycles (not very seriousely), so I know it can be hard. I am not a good exemple. Yet, i know that there is issues more important in a marriage than a “lack” of sexuality.
The more we can accept a child if he comes, the more we are willing to have relations, and be less stressed about it.
 
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Congratulations on getting married in the Church and for your little one.

Do you have any NFP experience? My husband and I have an 11-month old son. For us, we have had great results with the Marquette Method, which TheLittleLady mentioned in her post above, among other options. This method uses a monitor that reads hormone levels in a urine sample taken every morning. Not very glamorous, but has been nice and objective, especially when navigating the postpartum period. I also use a Tempdrop, which is a device worn on the arm that takes your temperature all night. Those two things together caught my cycles starting back up at 7 months pp. The downside to this was that it was a bit pricey to get started, having the purchase the Tempdrop and the monitor/test sticks, plus instruction. However, sometimes you can find those things secondhand on eBay or Facebook, and I know some instructors are flexible with payments.

That is only our experience. NFP, especially postpartum, is not easy. There’s not a whole lot about being Catholic that’s easy (by society’s standards)! Out of my closest friends, I am the only one who is married and who has a child, and I am under 30 (my husband already crossed the “30” threshold haha). I have sometimes wished I could talk to someone about it too, but it’s either too awkward or no one I know well is going through the same thing.

I’ll say a prayer for you and your family! 🙂
 
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“Daisy said:
starlady said:
also use a Tempdrop , which is a device worn on the arm that takes your temperature all night.
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Followed this link, looks cool. Can you link it’s data to any fertility apps, and if so, which ones? Thx
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It is so convenient, especially postpartum, as it allows me to get an accurate temperature reading even while waking up at night with my son. It is only a thermometer, so you have to know how to interpret the data, but it has been a really good investment for us. As of now, you can connect Tempdrop to the Ovuview app and it will automatically upload your temps, but Ovuview is currently only available to Android users. I have an iPhone, so I just manually upload them every day. However, Tempdrop did recently announce that they bought Ovuview, so the hope is that soon they will be able to connect to Apple as well.
 
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Thanks for your post! Ya none of my friends get it; they all ask me “so you’re gonna be safer now?” In regards to sex since we already have two kids. It’s really hard to keep believing in that when so many other people think artificial birth control is necessary. I often feel so tempted to just take the easy way out but my conscience is in the way !
 
Yeah, but contraceptives are so unnatural and unhealthy for a woman’s body. I’ve heard too many horror stories. I think it’s great to be in tune with how our bodies work, to listen to ourselves.
 
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and herbook will soon be adapted in a documenter.

I say that, @TheLittleLady, because, If I remind well, you have appreciated the work of Abby Epstein and Rcki Lacke in others documenters;
 
I do! However, the making of Sweetening The Pill seems to have stalled out 😦 I’ve literally been watching for it for years now.
 
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