Struggling to adjust to seminary

[ews93]

Hello,

I am a 23-year-old Catholic seminarian, and I just started studying in the seminary about a month ago. I have been thinking at least some about priesthood for about the past two years, and after talking it over extensively with my vocations director and others, I decided to at least give it a try, although I remain open to and attracted to the prospect of marriage.

Since starting in my seminary, I have made lots of friends, and I am enjoying some aspects of it, but something just seems a bit off, as if I don’t belong here. I have struggled with a few minor bouts of loneliness lately, and it seems that my desire for marriage has only intensified since my arrival here. It’s also worth noting that I have a mild case of Asperger’s (if you’re familiar with it), and that I am highly introverted and not exactly a “people person” (which leads me to believe that I was never really cut our for diocesan priesthood to begin with). Although I enjoy socializing with my seminarian brothers, I find that I enjoy spending a significant amount of time alone in my room, reading and listening to music. The highly people-oriented and pastoral nature of the priesthood is quite daunting for me, to be honest. Furthermore, it doesn’t help that I’ve been going through a period of spiritual dryness, insofar as feeling distant and far removed from God, despite knowing that He’s there and hears all of my prayers.

So, in a nutshell, what I’m struggling with is some strange combination of mild loneliness, spiritual dryness, and increasing desire for marriage and fatherhood, and a sense that I don’t belong in the seminary. Although I am going to at least wait out the current semester, I am considering discerning out as of now. I love the Church, and I only want what is ultimately best for her. Does anyone have any advice? Priests or fellow seminarians would really help. In any case, thanks in advance, and please keep me in your prayers in the coming months.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Perhaps, given your condition, it may be prudent to try to seek out a religious order to discern with that may provide you with more of what you need. I have a friend who discerned for 2.5 years and really struggled with the intense social requirements that was required of seminarians. And he was an extrovert!

He is now discerning marriage to a young woman.

That said I knew a wonderful group of “silent” monks who baked bread. They had a rotating assortment of 3 who lead retreats. All 3 mentioned that they’d discerned priesthood with the dioceses and almost gave up on it before finding the monistary. 2 became priests and one is a brother.

The one thing I would say is that right now because the priesthood is looking bad you may want to idealize marriage and start thinking many things that are just fantasies. You picture the perfect woman, beautiful to you, who listens to your needs but has a mind of her own (in a cute way, of course) you picture button down children ready for Mass and smiling. I know this because I briefly dated (a couple months) a seminarian (3 years in seminary) who realized he left for all the wrong reasons and that even though I was the most delightful woman he could imagine, (very flattering) he realized that he did not have a vocation to another human being. However, being very lonely in the seminary he thought having a girlfriend/wife/children would be the answer. It took a hard lesson (for the both of us) for him to learn that his heart desired a perfection beyond human nature and that perhaps he simply had to find ways to prevent gnawing loneliness from creeping in. I haven’t really kept track of him but I think I saw him on a poster for this year’s candidates for the priesthood. It looked like him and the man had the same first name…so likely him.

 

[EricF]

A beautiful response.

 

[Trishie]

Another little thought which may not be relevant.
Saint Therese went through a period of turmoil where she doubted her vocation before she took her vows.
All seemed darkness,
but she revealed all her doubts to her superiors, and all doubt disappeared.

The basic need, aside from prayer, is to be honest with the priest who is your spiritual director in the seminary, and discern with him.
There may be a Religious Order to which you are called, as Xanthippe_Voorhees highlights.

The truth is that any state of life has difficulties, of relationship and personality etc.and some challenges, some lasting, that are very difficult to bear, so it is really important for you to discuss, discern, pray, research.

May God guide you.

 

[R_H_Benson]

I just started studying in the seminary about a month ago.

Stay in close contact with your spiritual director and be entirely honest with him. He will help you discern God’s will. The first few weeks of seminary can be very taxing emotionally and spiritually.

 

[Cloisters]

Aspergers in the seminary can present its own set of issues. For the sake of all involved, including yourself, be frank with your spiritual directors.

There is a priest in the Diocese of Knoxville, TN, who allegedly is Aspergers. He now pastors what I refer to as my parish-away-from-my-parish.

Our Leonie League has an Aspergers religious order priest from Poland as a member. He belongs to the Order of St. Paul the First Hermit. Our Blessed Herman’s Eremitical Network is comprised of persons with autism, with one possible exception. One member is pursuing diocesan eremitism. We also prayerfully support Spectrum persons who are discerning vocations.

St. Thorlac of Iceland; St. Gilbert of Sempringham; and Blessed Herman Contractus were likely on the Spectrum. Leonie Martin, for whom our League is named, seemed to have a form of autism, as well. Ask their intercession for your discernment. I will be sure to forward this thread to the League.

Blessings,
Mrs Cloisters, OP
Lay Dominican
http://cloisters.tripod.com/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/charity/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/leonieleague/

 

[deprofundis89]

I would recommend reading a book “Dignity and duties of a priest” by St Alphonsus de Liguori… It’s a very good book to set things in perspective. Also as a former member of a order I can say that the thoughts that you are facing may not necessarily mean you do not have a vocation and maybe temptations… But a solid prayer life with Sacraments and a good spiritual director will be if great help to you. I regret things that have passed and wish to change but may be too late for me but not for you

 

[dshix]

You should really be seeking out and weighing the advice of your spiritual director in the seminary for these questions. Though some helpful insights may be obtained from posters on this forum, it is much less likely to provide you with the full assistance you need at this time of discernment. Your seminary directors are the ones who have been entrusted with the responsibility of helping you to correctly discern your vocation at this time, so let them.