Struggling with a Dillema

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Hi all, New here but I’m going to explain my situation and hope that some Priest or Brother can give me a bit of guidance on this, because I haven’t given my Pastor everything on it yet…well, you’ll get it.

I am 44 years old, and was raised in the Protestant church, through a plethora of varying denominations, more specifically in the Charasmatic/Pentacostal movement (my parents were in the Jesus Movement and I still think Keith Green is one of the greatest teachers ever).

In high school, I sincerely amd fervently believe that I was called to the ministry. I even applied to some Christian and Missionary Alliance colleges to begin work. I instead joined the service. Through the Navy and at age 19, I began to live a life unworthy of the Christian life. Over the course of the next 21 years, I lived the pre-Confessions life of St. Augustine, and believe me, my protestant mother played the part of St. Monica!! I still stayed close to my faith on a cursory “hands off” level, and began attending Mass and began my Catholic conversion 15 years ago.

Finally, after two broken marriages, and 3 times trying to make it through RCIA, I am in the process of coming into full communion with the Church. It pains me to pray the Spiritual Communion and Self Dedication to Jesus while in the Real Presence of Our Saviour!

So now here I am, no degree working through annulments, going through RCIA, 44 years old, and in my prayer life, and I know this voice. God is asking me, “Remember what I asked you when you were 15? I want you to be in ministry and I want you to work for me.” I’m old, and I’m running out of time and options. As I get through this, what are my possibilities. And please understand that I know the typical “Be a cantor, be a lector”. There is something more to this though, and I don’t know what it is. I haven’t heard this voice in prayer for almost 30 years.
 
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Greetings.
It isn’t clear why you haven’t spoken to your priest.
For a matter such as this, may I suggest that you make an appointment with him to talk about your concerns regarding a vocation.
He will know you at least better than we can,
Or even more than a priest on the internet does.

May God bless you and lead you
 
As (name removed by moderator) pointed out, take it easy. Really you don’t have to ‘hurry up’. First things first. And then, even as you go through RCIA keep your eyes open, meet people at the parish and find your feet getting wet ministry.

Keep this in mind: God knew what you were going to do, even as He called you in your youth. He can use your experience good and bad for the work he wants you to do.

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.
  • Romans 8:28
 
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I appreciate your words, (name removed by moderator) and egretps. Please understand that I know that I am long in the tooth for seminary, and I am not attempting to give offense to other forms of ministry by saying “I should have been a priest”. I’m just trying to figure out the calling that I know that I have from God as I “don’t hurry” into being in full communion! I long for that blessed day when I hear, “The Body of Christ”.
 
I’m pretty certain there have been men older than you who have become priests.

I believe, and I too struggle with some of what you are suffering, that God will make it very clear what He would like of you. And I do believe that although you may have heard that call many years ago, God’s ready when you are. 🙂

I’m excited for you. I hope you come back and tell us what you find yourself doing in the Church and for us fellow poor sinners.
 
To be honest, I don’t think you’re running out of options so much as coming to them. It’s not “choose your rate, choose your fate” when it comes to discovering what God’s vocation is for us - He has a call for each one of us, but we have to get to a point where we have the freedom to discern what it is.

In your case (for now, at least) that means embracing the RCIA program and sticking to it; but that won’t work unless you keep in mind hope for the goal - entrance into full communion with the Church. If you’re coming from a Charasmatic-like background, remember that the feelings one gets from those traditions are good and lead us towards Jesus, but just like our own passions, they fade with time and struggles. What lasts is our faith.

Have faith that the RCIA program is where you’re currently being called, and that God has a plan for you once you get out.
 
My friend, at 44 you aren’t exactly looking death in the face yet, assuming that you are healthy. Take things one step at a time, grow in faith, discern what vocation you might be called to.
 
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