Talking to active vs contemplative communities

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Cloisters

Cloisters

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I had focused primarily on cloistered communities during discernment, so I was surprised when a discerner on our groups told of her encounter with an active community. They basically said she wasn’t outgoing enough, and suggested she look into the contemplative life. She had made trial in three different cloistered orders, and was looking for a combination of contemplative-active. She is too old for most communities.

We chatted about this. In the cloister, you do as you’re told. In the active life, you have to take some initiative and interact with the other sisters – up front.

I’d be curious to hear if others had experienced the same thing. The only comment I got from the active sisters in my locality was that they weren’t going to entertain the thought of me asking for entrance until I knew my paternity. I thought that was really rather rude.

Blessings,
Mrs Cloisters OP
Lay Dominican
http://cloisters.tripod.com/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/charity/
 
No, apparently, mom was fooling around and the man I grew up with supposedly wasn’t my natural father. My sisters said mom had asked that they wait a year after her death to inform me of such. And here I thought the religious community was being outrageous.
 
I kind of thinks so also. Things have changed since th Middle Ages.
 
More than rude. It is ignorant. Also, more then one Saint was ‘too old’ to consider religious life. Yes, I am still looking for older, annulled, young, black, white, or pink all over, that may be interested in the founding of a new association. Paternity is no one’s business. Peace message me if anyone has an interest.
 
I haven’t had any firsthand experience, but whenever I have done research into various convents around America, active communities usually have the following guidelines for how a good fit for the community would behave:

*Outgoing
*Cheerful disposition
*In good health
*20-40 years old

Some of those guidelines could also cloistered community pages but I found that active communities tended to focus on those points more often than not. It made me feel rather left out, I must say 😅 I’m a very reserved, quiet person and I wouldn’t say I’m in the best of health so I felt my options were rather limited.
 
Philomena, gen. these are accepted guidelines, but there are exceptions made by various communities. Health may not need to be optimal as long as one can care for themselves and be somewhat productive. Prayer and love for the Lord is what is the real requirement. Peace.
 
Did the religious community explain why it’s important they know your paternity? I’d think it wouldn’t mean anything to them one way or another.
 
“Not until you know who your father is,” is what they said, with gleeful smiles. If they didn’t want me as part of the community, why didn’t they just say so? The sisters were apparently privy to gossip that can spread like wildfire in such a small town.
 
Please develop some kind of website and I can promote your plans on our groups. Wordpress, weebly, webs, and sitebuilder.com are a good place to start. You’d also be welcome on our founder’s group.
 
That was certainly a very rude thing to say! Going by what you’ve said, that community sounds like they have problems that have nothing to do with you. They clearly aren’t the right community for you!

🙏
 
I’m currently discerning a vocation and am feeling very drawn to a specific Dominican cloistered community. (Pray for me. I’ve had one “no” from them already because I have arthritis but I reached back out to them after a year had passed and my pastor told me to talk to them again because I just couldn’t stop feeling drawn to them. They still have some major reservations about saying “yes” at this point, but want to give me the benefit of a face-to-face talk this time. Baby steps!)

However, since I have arthritis I’ve had a variety of interesting conversations with different communities, all just wishing I’d take the “we don’t take health issues” line and go away. At first I felt drawn to active communities, and also thought that it would at least be a way for me to do something to have income into the community even with my arthritis, but it was one active community that actually pointed me toward the contemplative one I’m talking to.

So my conversations have ranged from:
  • no conversation or reply at all
  • invitation to come to a vocation retreat with other girls, but once I put my name on the list to talk about any vocation advice was told they would get to me last as they wanted to talk to the other girls who didn’t have health issues first, I never did get to talk to them but I did get a nice weekend of prayer at least
  • being told to find a group of lay women to live with and teach CCD (as if that was the same thing)
  • they didn’t feel like I would flourish in the commmunity, and when asking for examples thinking maybe it was a misperception of my limitations with my arthritis which I could try to clear up, was told that it was because I wouldn’t be able to play basketball with the other postulants (which I said I could play basketball, just not well, and I couldn’t play it well before my arthritis set in either)
So yeah, I have no clue why I’m still drawn to religious life after dealing with answers like that for three years, but the thought just won’t leave me alone. The responses haven’t all been as frustrating. The Dominican community I’m talking to actually did communicate with me for a bit before saying no, they just never actually met me except for me to say hi once when the vocations office for my diocese visited for an afternoon.
 
While my organization is primarily for cloistered vocations, we support active life discerners, as well. I will notify our Cooperators, some of whom are in the Cloisterite Ministry, and the Safe Harbor Vocation Support members of your situation. You’re welcome to join, if you feel drawn.

Our emerging charism will have congregational recluses, who will have the option of either indirectly or directly working with the poor, depending on the recluse’s individual circumstances. We also have active members who directly interact with the poor.

Have you heard of the Benedictines of Jesus Crucified in CT? They were founded for those with disabilities.
http://www.benedictinesjc.org/GloriousCross.html
 
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Thank you. I thought it was just me. Not trying to gossip, but their version of the Liturgy of the Hours was really strange. When I made a purchase in the bookstore, the two Sisters managing the place kept the 3 cents they owed me. They frowned when I acted surprised. I had two indicators that I should try a motherhouse in a neighboring town, where some members retained the habit without apparent persecution. I was too intent on founding my own group, though, and said no. I didn’t know how wiggy they would be, either. This was in the late 70s - early 80s.
 
Thank you for the information. I will look into those groups.

I actually am quite drawn to cloistered life. I had originally started out with active orders purely due to my arthritis and figured there was potential there for more conversation if a part of my being in the community added some monetary income in the form of what’s paid for a job.

I have heard of the Benedictines of Jesus Crucified. Oddly enough, the cloistered community that I feel drawn to is the one who pointed me to them. I’ve actually been discerning with them for the past year and just recently served as an aspirant in their monastery before leaving. While I loved the prayer, liturgy, and working, I could not find any spark or motivation (two words that don’t really adequately explain the feeling) with Benedictine spirituality as I have when reading up on Dominican spirituality.

Also, just an FYI, the Benedictine order is currently telling all inquirers that their monastery in CT will be closing down in the next year or two for all the sisters to move into a nursing facility. Any new members will have to be prepared to serve out their time in the motherhouse in France. The aspirancy is apparently extended for anyone going to France so that they can learn the language before they work on any form of vow commitment so that the women can know what they are learning.
 
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Contact The Sisters of the Lamb of God in Owensboro, Ky. They do accept women with health problems. They have the blind, one with diabetes. one with sever arthritis, other health issues, one little person and a few others. They are an active, semi clostered community and the Mother House is in France. If you were to enter they would teach you French at a later date before going to France for final vows. You would be active in what you can do. Just talked to Sr. D. Baily the other day. Check it out. Peace.
 
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