Thinking about taking a semester off college

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mywordshalom

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Back in November, my dad got laid off his job. He has looked and applied for other jobs, but no one will hire him (he’s 60, and has diabetes). However, he refuses to get a part-time job, or look into other jobs not in his area (programming). It has been a huge stress on the family, and my mom’s school job is at a close and she is looking to apply for a job at night. My older sister is looking into quitting her current job to find one that pays better. I feel like I am not contributing any, and everyone is worried. My dad also doesn’t have as much of a concern about it, and continues to spend money on little things that aren’t a necessity, e.g. expensive almonds.

I am also looking into getting a second job so we can have more income coming in. I would like to limit the hours my mom needs to work so she can still spend time with the family. I’ve also been thinking about taking a semester off college if my dad still doesn’t have a job. I don’t have any financial aid for next semester anyways, so I am not concerned on that front yet. (There is still one scholarship I have not heard back from).

But I also don’t want to take a semester off and fall behind. I still have time to think about it, but it’s been tiring. Basically, I just would like to know if I’d be okay if I took a semester off to work full time
 
It is difficult for middle aged people who “did the right thing”, went to college, learned a trade or skill, worked hard all of their lives, to suddenly find that they are dinosaurs without marketable skills.

Prayers for your family, you sound like you will pull together to weather this storm!!
 
Ah. This is tricky my pal.

For one thing? You run the risk of not going back. Either because of being overworked? Or because you sort of get into a work routine that gets you baked in.

And more? Setting aside your career path in order to basically bail out your father is very tricky. I mean that’s a road paved with possible resentment and regret. I’d hate to think of you in later years with that sort of negative energy burning you with what-ifs.

On the other hand I totally get what you’re feeling right now. But you might be of more help by getting a real job after graduating and handing money back down the tree at that point. Doubling down on entry-level stuff and cancelling out on or pushing off firmer paying gigs is just the short-term-gain-long-term-pain option.

I’d hate to see you get buried or stuck in a rut.

I mean if you think it’s tough now trying to finish things up just imagine what it’d be like when your extra income’s getting counted on down to the pennies. Just try and go back to school at that point? It might be a whole level of tougher for sure.

I don’t know. I’m just giving you my gut reaction on this. I really don’t want you getting derailed.
 
I’m thinking you would help your family more by finishing up your college as quick as you can so you can then get a better job to bring more money into the house. If you take a semester off to work, you run the risk of not getting back to college timely.

In olden times, when a kid was in college and the family had some economic setback, they would usually knock themselves out to keep the college student from having to leave school because the college was an investment in the whole family’s future. Once graduated, the college student was expected to find a good job, care for his parents, and possibly pay to send any younger siblings to college. To me, that sounds like the best plan.
 
It is not the end of the world to take a semester off from school to work. I took a non consecutive year off from college. And doing it to help out your family while your dad finds a job is certainly noble. However, if you do decide to do this and a college education is something you want to pursue, you need to have a plan in place on how, when, and why you are returning to school. Simple example, “I will register for classes in the 2021 fall semester after earning X amount of money during the 2021 spring semester & summer”. If you don’t put a set of conditions on yourself before leaving school for a semester, you can very easily find yourself in a work rut and never return. A good friend of mine dropped out of college to work when his family had financial difficulties, and he never went back. Suddenly it had been a few years and he felt he couldn’t get back to a school because it had been too long. And he certainly resented his father for it. So in summary, if you take a break have a concrete plan with concrete conditions for returning to school.
 
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FirstFiveEighth said:
So in summary, if you take a break have a concrete plan with concrete conditions for returning to school.
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Absolutely. I wouldn’t recommend taking a semester off without having in place the non-negotiable expectation of returning. Only you can gauge how this might work for you. Many people who leave school don’t ever go back. But then some do. If it were me, that would be the last resort. It is easier to finish it in one go than to stop and start again.

I definitely feel for your father. I have a friend who is a programmer in his 50s, and he talks frequently about how it’s a young person’s field. He gets paid more, and his education is further removed from what is going on in programming today, so it would be practically impossible for him to find another job in his field if he were to lose the one he has.

My father also lost his job of nearly 40 years when he was in his later 50s. He was able to find some part-time jobs, though, on which to get by until retirement. Does your dad simply refuse to even consider jobs outside of his field? My dad wound up driving a bus for senior citizens, which was honestly a perfect fit for him. He loves to drive and the seniors all liked him because he was one of them. 😆 So thinking outside the box can be good, even if difficult.
 
While others might resent their family over this, resentment is optional. We choose to resent people, we can choose not to resent them.
 
Just as an FYI the resentment in my anecdote had to do with the father’s gambling addiction destroying the family finances, so not exactly on the same level of just losing a job.

But I agree with your premise.
 
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I have mentioned that he should look into part-time jobs soon because our family is a bit worried. He agreed, but didn’t really seem to be sincere on looking into it now. He said we still have about 3 months in savings before he’d need to worry. Which I don’t understand why wait until the savings are out with a small chance of finding a full-time position in programming in that timeframe. My mom isn’t comfortable with the idea of using up the savings when we already don’t have enough saved for their retirement.

According to my sister, they have mentioned it a few times but he’s refused to look into it. At this point, they don’t care if he’s just flipping burgers as long as he is doing something other than sitting at home 24/7 in his chair.

What I think he should do is get out of the house more often with his laptop when looking for work. Going to a coffee shop or something so he will get less distracted. More and more lately, he seems to be giving up somewhat. He’s still applying, but compared to when he first got laid off, he’s been spending a lot more time watching tv or other non-productive tasks. Doesn’t do a whole lot of house work or yard work other than his own stuff. I’ve thought about telling him but I know he won’t go for leaving his comfy chair.

He has a bit of a short temper and he goes of a little defensive when brought up by my mom or sister. Lately, a lot of other little things have set him off some but that all is understandable with what he is going through. I just really wish he could just accept the fact that he probably won’t find another programming and would look into some part-time jobs he could do while looking for a full-time position
 
Thanks for that helpful advice! I am still not sure I will end up taking a semester off. I don’t find the idea of taking off just to work entirely productive for me. I’d rather take a semester off to volunteer abroad somewhere or do something more worthwhile if I am going to take one off. I’d be worried about feeling behind in my classes though, as the classmates I am learning ASL with now wouldn’t be the same group. But that is good advice if I do end up deciding to take a break!

Honestly, I’ve been more thinking of this as a bluff to encourage my dad to find a part-time job, but I’m not sure how that would go. Probably not very well
 
mywordshalom said:
I just really wish he could just accept the fact that he probably won’t find another programming and would look into some part-time jobs he could do while looking for a full-time position
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Some things are easier for us to recognize from the outside rather than the inside. Losing a job is hard, especially when it’s something you have been doing for many, many years and you are used to providing for your family. It’s a massive blow to the ego to say the very least. I can understand why it would be difficult to accept and heed suggestions from your own children (even if the children are making good suggestions). Perhaps it would be better coming from your mom, but even that could not work as well as you might hope. Family dynamics do vary.

If it were me, I would find it very difficult to give up going to college so that I could work full time while my dad sits in a recliner and watches TV all day. It would be much different if he were disabled or if he was actively seeking employment.

Have you talked with your mom and sister about all of this? I would spend some time thinking and praying about ways to encourage your dad. If it seems like his wife and daughters are just nagging him about what he needs to be doing (again, not that what you are telling him is wrong), I can see why he might have a knee-jerk aversion to what you guys are saying. Try to think of ways to frame things positively.
 
Having grown up in the Rust Belt during a time of economic decline, don’t be trying to give your dad advice about jobs. Dads don’t want to hear that from their kids. It might be okay coming from your mom, but not the kids. Best solution would be if some kind of outside headhunter could help him.
You really need to focus on your school right now. Your dad is an adult. Let him adult.
 
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