Tough couple months back

[Mike_D30]

I recently made the decision to come back to the Catholic Church from about five years of being agnostic, I did read extensively on other religions though. My wife and I are both baptized Catholic, but were married outside the Church. This of course puts us in a state of mortal sin.

But when trying to remedy the situation we seem to get a lot of, March doesn’t work for me, maybe in April we could do it etc… Now my Pastor is a good priest adn a good man. I have no doubt that if he really believe I was in a state of mortal sin, he would rectify the situation as fast as humanly possible. Technically if my wife or I died we would suffer eternal hell fire.

So if my priest doesn’t really believe it’s a mortal sin, why should I? It’s tough to stay commited to a Church, where you are kept from recieving with everyone else. I didn’t go to Mass on Sunday, I went mountain biking instead, then went to lunch, and shopping. I’m going to hell if I die anyway right? Nothing I can do about it, I’m at the Churches mercy, and they really seem apathetic to the situation at best.

I’m also having a tough time with prayer, when I pray I feel like a fool talking to himself. I can honestly say I get nothing out of prayer. I feel nothing, I hear nothing. Anyone else been here?

 

[plato3]

Wow! sounds like you have a lot of issues and need to blow off some steam. Just as each and every person on these boards are different, so are members of the clergy. I admire your desire to come to full union with the church. I know most priests are struggling with this busy season and will take a little rest after Easter, if they possibly can. I am sure you can have your marriage validated before too long. But please don’t give up. I would strongly recommend that you find a competent spiritual director to share your thoughts and feelings with. I am partial to the Franciscans, but many Order priests,brothers, and nuns do spiritual direction. Spiritual directors help a person find their way in their spiritual life. The answers always come from within the person seeking help.Jesus is calling you back.

God bless,
Deacon Tony

 

[Mike_O]

Mike_D30:

My wife and I are both baptized Catholic, but were married outside the Church. This of course puts us in a state of mortal sin.

Knowing this, then, you are obligated to live as brother and sister until you have your marriage blessed. Confess. There is a reason for the sacrament.

So if my priest doesn’t really believe it’s a mortal sin, why should I?

If you are having sexual relations in an invalid marriage outside the Church, delberately consenting to this, and doing so with the full knowledge that it is wrong, this would be an instance of mortal sin.

Many priests were very poorly catechized themselves during the 1960’s both in school and in their seminaries. Those irreverent seminaries and lax management are what we have to blame for priests such as Father Paul Shanley, a member of NAMBLA, if I recall correctly, who printed various radical defenses of grotesque pedophiliac practices and who is one of the more heinous perpetrators of the abuse scandal.

This is a brief way of saying that your priest can be wrong. The Church, when teaching authoratatively about matters of faith and morals, cannot, and so, the best thing for you to do is go to Confession and then firmly push your priest–or, if this fails, find another–who will bless your marriage. When it comes to the state of your soul, no amount of pressure is sufficient until the job is done. If your doctor decided he just could not fit you in this month for chemotherapy treatments for the malignant tumor spreading through your body, I am willing to wager that you would quickly find another doctor. The same applies, and even more so, for the spiritual life.

I’m going to hell if I die anyway right? Nothing I can do about it, I’m at the Churches mercy, and they really seem apathetic to the situation at best.

You are at God’s mercy. It is a ridiculous, self-pitying, and nonsensical statement to make when you say “I’m going to hell when I die, ergo, I might as well sin.” This is the sin of presumption in a different form. The sacrament of Reconciliation is a wonderful gift from the Lord, and the best advice for you now is to partake of that sacrament.

I’m also having a tough time with prayer, when I pray I feel like a fool talking to himself. I can honestly say I get nothing out of prayer. I feel nothing, I hear nothing. Anyone else been here?

Prayer is not about “feeling.” Love is an act of will before God. As Father Eugene Boylan said (whose books I very much recommend): “The will to love God is the same as loving Him.” (paraphrased).

We as human beings could never satisfy the love God asks of us; it must be a supernatural love coming entirely from without, namely, from Him. Therefore, one must dispose oneself with the sacraments, humility, an avoidance of sin, faith, and the will to love–the same in fact–asking for God’s infusion of this supreme theological virtue.

If you are expecting to hear voices or experience warm, positive emotional reassurances from your prayer, you are going about it wrongly. Prayer is not about our own “feelings,” not about self-gratification, and not about any of the other gimmicky, New Age, self-actualized “remedies” that American self-help, pseudo-spiritual culture has foisted upon its populace.

Based on your comments on other threads about the Immaculate Mother–and please, do not take this as insult, where no such point is intended–it seems that you lack certain basic knowledge about the Catholic faith.

If you do not know what it is you profess to believe, you will have an extremely difficult time advancing. The work of God can be a slow process. Mother Teresa, the last 40 years of her life, had no consolations in prayer whatsoever. The same was true, for a shorter period, for St. Therese of Lisieux. And she is a doctor of the Church. You cannot expect, at the very beginning, to be at high mystical states, nor even to “feel” very good.

Begin here, if you will:

vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM

One section, one part, one note at a time, a little each day, and you will have your questions answered. Post questions here or at another reputable, orthodox Catholic source when they arise. May the Lord bless you.

 

[Mike_D30]

Mike O:

Knowing this, then, you are obligated to live as brother and sister until you have your marriage blessed. Confess. There is a reason for the sacrament.If you are having sexual relations in an invalid marriage outside the Church, delberately consenting to this, and doing so with the full knowledge that it is wrong, this would be an instance of mortal sin.

Many priests were very poorly catechized themselves during the 1960’s both in school and in their seminaries. Those irreverent seminaries and lax management are what we have to blame for priests such as Father Paul Shanley, a member of NAMBLA, if I recall correctly, who printed various radical defenses of grotesque pedophiliac practices and who is one of the more heinous perpetrators of the abuse scandal.

This is a brief way of saying that your priest can be wrong. The Church, when teaching authoratatively about matters of faith and morals, cannot, and so, the best thing for you to do is go to Confession and then firmly push your priest–or, if this fails, find another–who will bless your marriage. When it comes to the state of your soul, no amount of pressure is sufficient until the job is done. If your doctor decided he just could not fit you in this month for chemotherapy treatments for the malignant tumor spreading through your body, I am willing to wager that you would quickly find another doctor. The same applies, and even more so, for the spiritual life.You are at God’s mercy. It is a ridiculous, self-pitying, and nonsensical statement to make when you say “I’m going to hell when I die, ergo, I might as well sin.” This is the sin of presumption in a different form. The sacrament of Reconciliation is a wonderful gift from the Lord, and the best advice for you now is to partake of that sacrament.Prayer is not about “feeling.” Love is an act of will before God. As Father Eugene Boylan said (whose books I very much recommend): “The will to love God is the same as loving Him.” (paraphrased).

We as human beings could never satisfy the love God asks of us; it must be a supernatural love coming entirely from without, namely, from Him. Therefore, one must dispose oneself with the sacraments, humility, an avoidance of sin, faith, and the will to love–the same in fact–asking for God’s infusion of this supreme theological virtue.

If you are expecting to hear voices or experience warm, positive emotional reassurances from your prayer, you are going about it wrongly. Prayer is not about our own “feelings,” not about self-gratification, and not about any of the other gimmicky, New Age, self-actualized “remedies” that American self-help, pseudo-spiritual culture has foisted upon its populace.

Based on your comments on other threads about the Immaculate Mother–and please, do not take this as insult, where no such point is intended–it seems that you lack certain basic knowledge about the Catholic faith.

If you do not know what it is you profess to believe, you will have an extremely difficult time advancing. The work of God can be a slow process. Mother Teresa, the last 40 years of her life, had no consolations in prayer whatsoever. The same was true, for a shorter period, for St. Therese of Lisieux. And she is a doctor of the Church. You cannot expect, at the very beginning, to be at high mystical states, nor even to “feel” very good.

Begin here, if you will:

vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM

One section, one part, one note at a time, a little each day, and you will have your questions answered. Post questions here or at another reputable, orthodox Catholic source when they arise. May the Lord bless you.

Your posts are too judgmental, no offense, you have way too much of an holier than thou attitude in your posts. I can’t hear that right now. I’m at the crusp of completely giving up, and really all I get from you is that I’m ignorant to the Catholic faith (I’m not I’ve already cited all the apologetics resources I read, it’s that they just don’t make enough sense for me) etc… Really I don’t want to be beaten down by people who ‘get it’, I don’t ‘get it’ that’s the way it is. I’m glad you’re in a perfect spiritual place, I’m not, I can’t buy into a lot of what I read and hear. I don’t need you brow beating me every topic I post in.

You’re free to reply, just note that your replies do me no good, except convince me that I made a mistake coming back to the Church.

 

[Mike_D30]

Mike O:

Knowing this, then, you are obligated to live as brother and sister until you have your marriage blessed. Confess. There is a reason for the sacrament.If you are having sexual relations in an invalid marriage outside the Church, delberately consenting to this, and doing so with the full knowledge that it is wrong, this would be an instance of mortal sin.

Live as brother and sister with my wife? That won’t be very conducive to a healthy marriage. Are you married? Do you have any idea how unfeasible that is? You can’t treat your wife like your sister, and expect to have a happy wife and stable home.

I’ve been going to Mass every week, daily Mass praying etc, and I feel worse everyday and you say that’s normal? You know not one person in my Parish has ever even said hello to my wife and I. What kind of spiritual community is that? I think I’m completely burnt out on these rules that my wife and I are at mercy to, with no real hope in sight of rectifying the situation. Going to Mass while the entire time not allowed to recieve, and no hope to receive is tiresome and pointless. Church is supposed to lift you up, not depress you because of the impossible situation you got yourself in. Like I said the Church creates these rules, then are just lacksidasical, and apathetic when it comes to helping you out.

What you said about prayer makes no sense, so I just talk to myself with zero acknowledgement my prayers are heard? I don’t get it.

Unfortunately I think I am done, I can’t keep going back to a Church I am essentially a stranger at, and on the outside. On that note, I will bid CA adieu and ponder this for a bit, but I felt better when I was just a lowly sinner. The funny thing is I can go to Church daily, confession etc… and because of my situation it’s no different than had I just never come back.

I’m out…

 

[Della]

Mike_D30:

Live as brother and sister with my wife? That won’t be very conducive to a healthy marriage. Are you married? Do you have any idea how unfeasible that is? You can’t treat your wife like your sister, and expect to have a happy wife and stable home.

My dh and I had a similar problem–our marriage was considered irregular. So, we talked to our priest about it and scheduled a time for him to witness our vows that was a couple of months away. We asked if we had to live without sex until then and he told us no, because we were willing to set things right and in the process of doing so. I think this is why your priest hasn’t made a big thing out of when you actually do the vows, because you have every intention of doing so, and God looks more on the intentions of our hearts than on mere acts alone. Do you see what I mean?

I’ve been going to Mass every week, daily Mass praying etc, and I feel worse everyday and you say that’s normal? You know not one person in my Parish has ever even said hello to my wife and I. What kind of spiritual community is that? I think I’m completely burnt out on these rules that my wife and I are at mercy to, with no real hope in sight of rectifying the situation. Going to Mass while the entire time not allowed to recieve, and no hope to receive is tiresome and pointless. Church is supposed to lift you up, not depress you because of the impossible situation you got yourself in. Like I said the Church creates these rules, then are just lacksidasical, and apathetic when it comes to helping you out.

Catholic parishes can be a bit chilly at first, I must admit. It took us a while to get to know people too. Is your parish rather big? Our is. So, if it is rather big, get involved in some kind of small group or ministry–that’s how you get to know people in the Catholic Church. You see, not everyone who walks through the doors of a Catholic church to attend Mass knows everyone else. Even if they go to daily Mass, they might be afraid of new people because they may be wondering if you are there for the same reasons they are. People in the Catholic Church are just human beings like everyone else and most Catholics, even devout ones, don’t like to meddle in other people’s business. They keep pretty much to themselves and who they know–who they can relate to. And Father isn’t being lacksidasical nor does he think you would go to hell if you died this moment. He knows you are on your way into full communion with the Church and knows God honors that intention, that’s why he isn’t in any hurry.

What you said about prayer makes no sense, so I just talk to myself with zero acknowledgement my prayers are heard? I don’t get it.

People who think of prayer in a certain way express it to others in that way. What he means is just let go of your fears and your concerns and let God guide the situation. Go to Father and express your concerns to him and I’m sure he’ll tell you that you are not in any immediate danger of hellfire. You are misunderstanding why people go to hell. It certainly isn’t for not keeping arbitrary rules. God knows us better than that and is much more understanding and merciful than someone has led you to believe, poor man!

Unfortunately I think I am done, I can’t keep going back to a Church I am essentially a stranger at, and on the outside. On that note, I will bid CA adieu and ponder this for a bit, but I felt better when I was just a lowly sinner. The funny thing is I can go to Church daily, confession etc… and because of my situation it’s no different than had I just never come back.

I’m out…

No, don’t give up. Don’t throw back the lifeline because it’s taking a while for it to be reeled in, to use an example. The situation isn’t as dire as you think it is–that’s where you’re having problems. God loves you and your wife dearly. Just go and understand that you can participate in everything except communion and only until you have made your wedding vows before your priest. It doesn’t have to be a big affair. Just ask Father to hear your vows after Mass and have a couple of witnesses–that’s all it takes, truly. Don’t be discouraged, but be trusting in God and in his Church, which isn’t as hardline as you seem to think it is.

 

[plato3]

Della, very well said. Do you do counseling? Sounds like you have a vocation in this way.

God bless,
Deacon Tony

 

[Mike_O]

Mike_D30:

You can’t treat your wife like your sister, and expect to have a happy wife and stable home

Mike: The meaning is, those with irregular marriages not yet blessed by the Church cannot engage in licit sexual relations until the Church has validated the marriage.

Della seemed to indicate an experience whereby a priest told a couple it was “alright” to continue having marital relations because “it was the intention that counts.” I am afraid this priest seems to have seriously misled people here.

This question has been asked many times on this same forum. I refer you to several answers by the staff apologists below about the meaning of “living as brother and sister”:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=103000&highlight=brother+and+sister

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=104426&highlight=brother+and+sister

I feel worse everyday and you say that’s normal?

Precisely. Did you not read the comment on Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta? St. Therese of Lisieux, the Little Flower? Suffering will always be there. If it is difficult to accept, consider requesting help from the One who knows more than anyone else about how to suffer.

You know not one person in my Parish has ever even said hello to my wife and I. What kind of spiritual community is that?

The “Church” should not be the object of your ire here. People make mistakes, and you have the chance to rectify them. Missing Mass because you are disenchanted with being unable to receive Holy Communion would perhaps serve to explain why you feel badly. Purposely succumbing to sin will not resolve such problems. Continue pressing for the validation of your marriage, and when you confess your sins and agree to abstain until the validation of the marriage, the Church, as I recall, permits reception of the Blessed Sacrament at this point.

Really, the friendliness of your fellow parishioners should not make or break your faithfulness to the Lord. I cannot imagine how you would purport to judge a “spiritual community” based on the lack of outward shows of affection. How can you know what the interior life of your fellow parishioners is like?

If you attend Mass at a monastery, for instance, the reverent silence of the brothers might convince you of “unfriendliness.” But Mass is not the time for exchanging pleasantries. Normally parishes offer fellowship outside of Mass; have you partaken of such opportunities?

What you said about prayer makes no sense, so I just talk to myself with zero acknowledgement my prayers are heard? I don’t get it.

What acknowledgement do you need? Are you looking for prayer, or for a positive, emotionally satisfying experience? If the former, persevere with the prayer, even when you receive no sensible consolations. Every saint has ALWAYS advised this. If the latter, well, Eastern transcental techniques, though devoid of any element of Christian prayer, are known for such apersonal, self-gratifying experiences. It has already been explained that EXACTLY the same thing has happened to some of the greatest saints God has ever given life to. The EXACT same thing, and, probably, given their sanctity, they would have felt a suffering more acute than yours.

In prayer, you are most emphatically NOT talking to yourself. Pray, if you can, in a church before the Tabernacle if you need a firmer reassurance. As for prayer methodology, it has been suggested that you try to learn some more about the faith. One of the greatest teachers of prayer in all the Church is St. Teresa of Avila. Read this book, again, slowly, and you might find some answers:
catholicfirst.com/thefaith/catholicclassics/stteresa/life/teresaofavila.cfm

Unfortunately I think I am done, I can’t keep going back to a Church I am essentially a stranger at, and on the outside. On that note, I will bid CA adieu and ponder this for a bit, but I felt better when I was just a lowly sinner.

I think it is not possible for you to state that you “feel better” offending against the Lord then you do once in communion with His Church. I have heard some refer to the act of sinning as driving another nail into His wrists.

Does that really make you feel “better”? If that is something positive for you, maybe you should not be seeking to feel “positive.” It would be a tragic thing for you to leave, especially when each and every problem you elaborated is resolvable, sometimes very easily so. The marriage can be blessed, you can learn to pray, you need not equate the value of your spiritual life with emotions and feelings. The soul and the spiritual realm are something apart from one’s biochemical state of emotional well-being or lack thereof.

 

[Nana_Rose]

Dear Mike D,

I’m glad you posted! I returned to the Church at age 28 after being gone for about 10-11 years. Oh, I would go occasionally at Christmas or Easter to make my folks happy. Other than that I was a lost soul. I even tried a few other churches. I wasn’t living a good lifestyle but wasn’t ready to give it up either.

Anyways, when life got ugly enough I decided my way didn’t work I went back to the Catholic Church. I started to attend Mass but felt very uncomfortable and out of place. I thought, why do I feel so funny here, I grew up in the Church. I kept on going, it was hard for me to pray and I still felt far from God. I thought, “Why isn’t this getting better, faster, when I am wanting this so bad?”
Well…for one thing, I was still afraid to go and make a full confession. Also, even though I was raised in a practicing Catholic family setting and went to Catholic school until High School I really wasn’t catechised that well. I did finally make a confession, which helped immensely. Then I talked to my parish priest about what I should do and he suggested taking the RCIA classes that are offered for those people considering becoming Catholic. I did as he suggested and I am so glad I did. I started to relearn my faith which gave me a chance to understand and own it. Not because my Mom and Dad said so, but because I believed it. I also met people who where at the same faith level I was, that searching and coming home level. We had friends for the journey. It was great.

In the RCIA class the nun that was the facilitator talked to us about heaven and hell. She asked how many of us were going to heaven? Some of us weren’t sure because some of the people weren’t even baptized yet. Some of them were baptized but coming back to the church like I was. We all had different stories. She assured us that if we were to walk out the door of RCIA that night and get hit by a car, we need look only to Jesus because God knows the heart. We were searching and coming to Him to know Him better and to heal our lives and return to Him.
I think this is where you and your wife are at. There are times even today that I do not receive communion until I can get to confession. I teach catechism, and if people at church see that I refrain from communion, so be it. It is my soul I have to worry about. I make a spiritual communion and then when I can confess I go to communion.

Please do not give up. I know people don’t seem outgoing and friendly sometimes, maybe God is calling you and your wife to a ministry in that area. Do you have “Greeters” at Mass? Maybe you and your wife could offer to greet people as they come into Mass on Sunday. We have them at our parish and it is lovely.
But don’t give up. If you and your wife can’t abstain I would take The Deacon’s advice and seek out a spiritual mentor. Just refrain from Holy Eucharist until such a time that your vows can be heard from your priest. I don’t think you have a “bad” priest, and God knows your heart. Trust Him and keep on with your journey.
You will not ever regret it, and your marriage will be blessed for it.
I am putting you in my prayer journal…let us know how you are doing.

 

[Dorothy]

Mike O:

Mike: The meaning is, those with irregular marriages not yet blessed by the Church cannot engage in licit sexual relations until the Church has validated the marriage.

Della seemed to indicate an experience whereby a priest told a couple it was “alright” to continue having marital relations because “it was the intention that counts.” I am afraid this priest seems to have seriously misled people here.

This question has been asked many times on this same forum. I refer you to several answers by the staff apologists below about the meaning of “living as brother and sister”:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=103000&highlight=brother+and+sister

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=104426&highlight=brother+and+sister
Precisely. Did you not read the comment on Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta? St. Therese of Lisieux, the Little Flower? Suffering will always be there. If it is difficult to accept, consider requesting help from the One who knows more than anyone else about how to suffer.The “Church” should not be the object of your ire here. People make mistakes, and you have the chance to rectify them. Missing Mass because you are disenchanted with being unable to receive Holy Communion would perhaps serve to explain why you feel badly. Purposely succumbing to sin will not resolve such problems. Continue pressing for the validation of your marriage, and when you confess your sins and agree to abstain until the validation of the marriage, the Church, as I recall, permits reception of the Blessed Sacrament at this point.

Really, the friendliness of your fellow parishioners should not make or break your faithfulness to the Lord. I cannot imagine how you would purport to judge a “spiritual community” based on the lack of outward shows of affection. How can you know what the interior life of your fellow parishioners is like?

If you attend Mass at a monastery, for instance, the reverent silence of the brothers might convince you of “unfriendliness.” But Mass is not the time for exchanging pleasantries. Normally parishes offer fellowship outside of Mass; have you partaken of such opportunities?What acknowledgement do you need? Are you looking for prayer, or for a positive, emotionally satisfying experience? If the former, persevere with the prayer, even when you receive no sensible consolations. Every saint has ALWAYS advised this. If the latter, well, Eastern transcental techniques, though devoid of any element of Christian prayer, are known for such apersonal, self-gratifying experiences. It has already been explained that EXACTLY the same thing has happened to some of the greatest saints God has ever given life to. The EXACT same thing, and, probably, given their sanctity, they would have felt a suffering more acute than yours.

In prayer, you are most emphatically NOT talking to yourself. Pray, if you can, in a church before the Tabernacle if you need a firmer reassurance. As for prayer methodology, it has been suggested that you try to learn some more about the faith. One of the greatest teachers of prayer in all the Church is St. Teresa of Avila. Read this book, again, slowly, and you might find some answers:
catholicfirst.com/thefaith/catholicclassics/stteresa/life/teresaofavila.cfm
I think it is not possible for you to state that you “feel better” offending against the Lord then you do once in communion with His Church. I have heard some refer to the act of sinning as driving another nail into His wrists.

Does that really make you feel “better”? If that is something positive for you, maybe you should not be seeking to feel “positive.” It would be a tragic thing for you to leave, especially when each and every problem you elaborated is resolvable, sometimes very easily so. The marriage can be blessed, you can learn to pray, you need not equate the value of your spiritual life with emotions and feelings. The soul and the spiritual realm are something apart from one’s biochemical state of emotional well-being or lack thereof.

 

[Dorothy]

Mike O:

Mike: The meaning is, those with irregular marriages not yet blessed by the Church cannot engage in licit sexual relations until the Church has validated the marriage.

Della seemed to indicate an experience whereby a priest told a couple it was “alright” to continue having marital relations because “it was the intention that counts.” I am afraid this priest seems to have seriously misled people here.

This question has been asked many times on this same forum. I refer you to several answers by the staff apologists below about the meaning of “living as brother and sister”:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=103000&highlight=brother+and+sister

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=104426&highlight=brother+and+sister
Precisely. Did you not read the comment on Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta? St. Therese of Lisieux, the Little Flower? Suffering will always be there. If it is difficult to accept, consider requesting help from the One who knows more than anyone else about how to suffer.The “Church” should not be the object of your ire here. People make mistakes, and you have the chance to rectify them. Missing Mass because you are disenchanted with being unable to receive Holy Communion would perhaps serve to explain why you feel badly. Purposely succumbing to sin will not resolve such problems. Continue pressing for the validation of your marriage, and when you confess your sins and agree to abstain until the validation of the marriage, the Church, as I recall, permits reception of the Blessed Sacrament at this point.

Really, the friendliness of your fellow parishioners should not make or break your faithfulness to the Lord. I cannot imagine how you would purport to judge a “spiritual community” based on the lack of outward shows of affection. How can you know what the interior life of your fellow parishioners is like?

If you attend Mass at a monastery, for instance, the reverent silence of the brothers might convince you of “unfriendliness.” But Mass is not the time for exchanging pleasantries. Normally parishes offer fellowship outside of Mass; have you partaken of such opportunities?What acknowledgement do you need? Are you looking for prayer, or for a positive, emotionally satisfying experience? If the former, persevere with the prayer, even when you receive no sensible consolations. Every saint has ALWAYS advised this. If the latter, well, Eastern transcental techniques, though devoid of any element of Christian prayer, are known for such apersonal, self-gratifying experiences. It has already been explained that EXACTLY the same thing has happened to some of the greatest saints God has ever given life to. The EXACT same thing, and, probably, given their sanctity, they would have felt a suffering more acute than yours.

In prayer, you are most emphatically NOT talking to yourself. Pray, if you can, in a church before the Tabernacle if you need a firmer reassurance. As for prayer methodology, it has been suggested that you try to learn some more about the faith. One of the greatest teachers of prayer in all the Church is St. Teresa of Avila. Read this book, again, slowly, and you might find some answers:
catholicfirst.com/thefaith/catholicclassics/stteresa/life/teresaofavila.cfm
I think it is not possible for you to state that you “feel better” offending against the Lord then you do once in communion with His Church. I have heard some refer to the act of sinning as driving another nail into His wrists.

Does that really make you feel “better”? If that is something positive for you, maybe you should not be seeking to feel “positive.” It would be a tragic thing for you to leave, especially when each and every problem you elaborated is resolvable, sometimes very easily so. The marriage can be blessed, you can learn to pray, you need not equate the value of your spiritual life with emotions and feelings. The soul and the spiritual realm are something apart from one’s biochemical state of emotional well-being or lack thereof.

Ooops! I clicked too soon.

Thank you for addressing the situation where the priest advised a couple that it was okay to have relations before their marriage was validated because they were intending to do the right thing.
Sadly, some priests think they are helping people by being “nice” with their spiritual direction, - and they end up doing more harm.

We all need to put Jesus first in all our decisions, and everything else will fall into place.

And, I don’t understand the reasons for a priest wanting to postpone validating a couple’s marriage, which would only take a few minutes. Perhaps another priest should be sought.

 

[Tonks40]

I’m in a similiar situation with my marraige. Last year, I met with my pastor to tell him that I’m coming back to the Church, and after sitting with him for 1 1/2 hours getting my background history, it was decided that I needed to get an annulment from my first marraige in order to get my current marraige convalidated. A couple of weeks went by, in which I was reading and research, trying to get re-acquainted with my Faith when I realized that I couldn’t have relations with my spouse until my annulment went through and I got the Sacrament for my second. I frantically called father and left a voice mail about my dilemma - he saw me later that night at a parish retreat, gave me a blessing and said that everything was ok…because I was in the process of correcting things.

Don’t be swayed in your Faith because you feel that your priest isn’t giving this issue enough importance - he is. Even Christ rebuked some of the Pharisees and church elders when they felt He wasn’t sticking to the rules!

My annulment is in the final stages - I’m hoping to get an answer this summer, and then things will be set right - praise God!

 

[Mike_O]

Tonks40:

I frantically called father and left a voice mail about my dilemma - he saw me later that night at a parish retreat, gave me a blessing and said that everything was ok…because I was in the process of correcting things

Tonks40: I cannot be sure of your situation specifically, but generally speaking, priests are NOT supposed to say anything of the sort.

This is a grave case of misleading someone.

If a Protestant, for example, is in the PROCESS of becoming Catholic through RCIA, that Protestant must await initiation into the Church before reception of the sacraments. Were that person to attempt to receive the Blessed Sacrament, for instance, at Mass, a priest would NOT be justified in saying, “Oh, you’ll be Catholic soon enough. You’re in the process of converting, so it’s the intention that counts.”

That would be a terrible wrong. The same applies for marital situations. The process is just that–a process. Until it is completed, “intentions” must be measured by what one does in relation to what one knows is right.

If your priest or another priest has misled you, this is sad. But now people can know. Again, those threads from the Ask the Apologist thread were posted, and there are many, many more asking the same question.

The answer, as difficult as it may be to hear, is that, until the marriage is validated and blessed by the Church, marital relations are not licit, and those who knowingly engage in them while aware of the fact are committing grave mortal sins. There is no way to gloss over it; the Church has taught this, and Catholics are bound to obey. It would be best if priests would do as Dorothy suggested and know their faith, rather than excusing what should not and cannot be excused or whitewashed.