Toxic extended family member

[Totustuus1213]

I am somewhat close to a relative who swooped in to help me after my (abusive) parents discarded me several years ago. I live far away from this person but, since then there have been multiple red flags that this relative is toxic and does not understand common-sense boundaries. This relative has told me on multiple occasions that they have talked about me to others in the family without asking my approval beforehand. They have told me to my face that they think my faith is just a coping mechanism for how I was raised, and drag almost anyone they dislike through the mud on social media. I feel scared about becoming distant from them as I think they will probably be hard to just slip away from without notice. And, any discussion will likely turn ugly. Has anyone been in a situation like this? How did you get out of it?

 

[TheLittleLady]

People have dignity, their actions may, on the other hand, be toxic. Pray for the person and do not engage in the exchange of toxic debate online. One does not have to respond to every post, you do not even have to see the posts. Ignore them and move on.

 

[Irishmom2]

At some point in life, you need to learn to not care what other people think or say about you. If you know the truth, don’t worry about what they think. That being said, you should know that there are times we need to distance ourselves from toxic people and not feel bad about it. Social media is not the real world. Block people, set your settings to private or close your account completely if it is going to be a problem in your life.

I don’t know how old you are, but sometimes you just have to let people go.

 

[Trishie]

Please, for your own protection refrain from sharing your personal details with this person. If you speak to the person, reveal nothing, just let the person talk about themself (hopefully not about others, though if the person gossips about you, it’s possible they will also gossip to you about others, which would also be potentially unfair or even a violation of others’ privacy as is the gossip about you.)

Despite your anxieties it might be better, though lonelier, to distance yourself.
God grant you to create healthy relationships with good and respectful people.
My prayers for you, the relative, and all your family.

 

[Totustuus1213]

I don’t give a darn about what they think about me. I do care about feeling unsafe though. This person has money, and they have a lot of grandiosity. They are the type that could do damage to my life in some way if they felt betrayed or slighted. As it is, I feel like they have said something to my parents about something I confided in them about, because my parents have completely ceased contact since I have confided in them (could be a coincidence but knowing how much they gossip, I am not sure it is). My parents are volatile people so if it got around to them and was said without tact, then they could be harboring a lot of anger towards me. Instead of building bridges I feel like this person is being a trouble maker and further destroying already impaired relationships in my life.
And, I only confided in them because I was at a point in my life where I felt completely helpless and they were the only person who actually cared to ask me what was wrong. But, I now realize it was a big mistake opening up to them. This is why I have always kept my baggage stuffed inside of me. I have prayed for my family relationships to be healed but things just keep getting worse.

 

[Totustuus1213]

People have dignity, their actions may, on the other hand, be toxic. Pray for the person and do not engage in the exchange of toxic debate online.

I certainly agree.

 

[Viki63]

And, I only confided in them because I was at a point in my life where I felt completely helpless and they were the only person who actually cared to ask me what was wrong. But, I now realize it was a big mistake opening up to them. This is why I have always kept my baggage stuffed inside of me. I have prayed for my family relationships to be healed but things just keep getting worse.

You would probably benefit from going to a counselor, to have someone to talk to about your situation. If that’s not possible, maybe find an older friend you could confide in, someone who’s not related. I talk to a friend every week and she helps keep me on the right track.