🤦‍♀️Struggle🤦‍♀️

[Kathleen18]

I just got contacted by an old bf. He is an atheist and apparently broke up with his gf. I know what he wants from me, and I am not the same girl I was even months ago. I told him that I was not single. It was the only way to get him to back off. I have tried in the past to put him off by being honest, and I failed. I am struggling with lying, but I feel like I was protecting myself.

 

[Greenfields]

I think that’s OK in this case,of self protection Kathleen
it sounds like you might need to just cut all ties with him.Praying for you X

 

[Cruciferi]

If people ask if I’m single I say, “NO I’m married to my work “

 

[Elf01]

Is not responding and blocking an option?

 

[PaulfromIowa]

You are being harassed by an evil man, and you are “struggling” with having to lie to get rid of him? Really? He should be the one struggling with broken bones. Please stop being a victim. Women used to have fathers and brothers who would warn off the creeps and they were not kidding.

 

[Kathleen18]

It has to be that way, now. I had him deleted. Apparently I need to do more.

 

[Kathleen18]

I am struggling with having to lie, period. I hope God understands. I am trying to find my way to be Holy. But, I guess I have been somewhat mistaken on lying. And I am sure, other things.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

We have the right to defend ourselves against evil, even to the point of using force. A little deception is nothing compared to that.

 

[TheLittleLady]

There is no reason to lie. If he shows up at your door or at your job, tell him to leave and if he won’t leave, call the police.

For calls, txts, messages on social media, simply do not answer or respond.

 

[Kei]

Confess it if it bothers yoy and move on. Note if it is venia (which it probably is if it is venial) it is covered by the penitentiary rite)

 

[Xantippe]

I am struggling with having to lie, period. I hope God understands. I am trying to find my way to be Holy. But, I guess I have been somewhat mistaken on lying. And I am sure, other things.

“I’m not available,” is fine, too.

It’s not great to lie and don’t do it again, but putting and keeping a large distance between you and ex-bf is the priority.

Going forward, you don’t need to talk or have any communications of any kind. That sounds cold, but it’s self-preservation.

 

[RandomAlias]

Stay strong and stay away from that guy!

Tell the truth if you can, but you don’t have to tell all. The Catechism of the Catholic Church teaches that “No one is bound to reveal the truth to someone who does not have the right to know it.” ( here is a link to that )

I’m praying for you. May the Holy Spirit strengthen and assist you in your difficulties, help you to find peace, and guide you always toward greater faith, hope, and love.

 

[LittleFlower]

I told him that I was not single.

Well, you’re not single—you’re with Jesus!

I would say just block him everywhere and move on. If he cannot respect boundaries he most definitely is not the man for you.

 

[RandomAlias]

I have tried in the past to put him off by being honest, and I failed. I am struggling with lying, but I feel like I was protecting myself.

I applaud your desire to communicate truthfully. It is not easy, but it is a virtue we should strive for.

I am not saying you should say stuff that puts you at risk. Just consider, in each situation as it arises, whether carefully chosen words can communicate truth and bring about good.

 

[adgloriam]

Hey @Kathleen18

I’ll give a general theoretical intro: First, all things at play are analyzed in “Love and Responsibility” by Karol Wojtyla. My only wish: that someone had given me this book when I was your age. A master piece, that cannot be praised enough.

The boy is following his feelings, who can blame him for it? You sound like a charm, and then complain the man is charmed…Beware of sowing charm for its fruits follow. The are two kinds of charm, and many are given to confuse them, sanctity and kindness are charming. Modesty a virtue not unconnected, for a girl both science and art to balance this with gracious charity. And by example alone, you demonstrate there is higher path to aspire. And in this, let them take comfort.

You don’t owe him the truth, yet you owe him charity. You had some part in letting him love you, forget not you responsibility and so don’t be cruel.

Your conversion is a privilege owed to God, a privilege implying in turn a duty.

[The direct response to your question: A firm NO! Without hurting his feelings. Friendships do come to and end, let them not end bitter in that you were somehow irresponsible. Most likely some won’t understand be in turn understanding and wise.]

 

[CatholicSpirit]

In confession, you are to break the spiritual yoke both of you built through sexual contact if any. There are few details here, so commenting further on a one-sided story is not a good idea.

 

[Xantippe]

And by example alone, you demonstrate there is higher path to aspire. And in this, let them take comfort.

You don’t owe him the truth, yet you owe him charity. You had some part in letting him love you, forget not you responsibility and so don’t be cruel.

The OP owes him charity…from far, far away.

Being “nice” is often a major obstacle to chastity for women.

 

[Xantippe]

In confession, you are to break the spiritual yoke both of you built through sexual contact if any. There are few details here, so commenting further on a one-sided story is not a good idea.

It’s also advisable to make sure that you have a life that is so full of good things and good people and new interests that there isn’t any room for him.

 

[adgloriam]

The OP owes him charity…from far, far away.

I never said said the contrary. (reading the OP I’d say as much). I’ve seen some women who burden their partner, evoking moral obligation, loading on to him their ex. Only to, soon after, cruelly abandon their partner evoking they owe him nothing. The paradox goes to show a potential double self-serving hypocrisy.

Being “nice” is often a major obstacle to chastity for women.

Lust is an obstacle to chastity. That is the sin you should look out for. Poor me, a source of temptation to every girl. I’ll retreat to mount Carmel and become a hermit from this day forth.

Let me be so cheeky as to send a to the girls reading this.

 

[Kathleen18]

I cannot justify my actions with lying. I am also not the type to “love 'em and leave 'em.” I have blocked him and will confess my sin(s) at my first confession. I pray for strength to be more prudent in my words and actions.