Very poetic and honest answer. However, can one ever be separated from God or as you say, "not in His presence? Wouldn’t that contradict an omnipresent God as in Psalm 139:7-8 “Where can I go to escape your spirit? Where can I flee to escape your presence? If I were to ascend to heaven, you would be there. If I were to sprawl out in Sheol, there you would be.” Or Proverbs 15:3 “The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on those who are evil and those who are good.”
The writer states everywhere he goes God is there, but he doesn’t state God is in evil does he? Nor darkness. Just because, as it is written “The eyes of the Lord are in every place” doesn’t mean the Lord is in every place, no more then the eyes of a government are in every place. If a government can be aware of what is going on where it is not, then surly the Lord God can.
Also Isa:5:16: But the LORD of hosts shall be exalted in judgment, and God that is holy shall be sanctified in righteousness.
To be sanctified in is to be separated in to in this case. The Lord may be aware of evil but that doesn’t make Him Present in evil, no more then you can be made aware of evil doing in the street, even the details, but that doesn’t mean you are present in amongst the doing thereof. Just because the camera gives you sight to see the crime, doesn’t mean you are there.
If there is a God, I see Him as Energy. It is neither created or destroyed as per the first law of thermodynamics. G=E=mc2. Scientists have a hard time describing energy as theists do their God. As per string theory, Subatomic particle behavior is determined by the vibration of energy which form the atom- molecules-matter. There is good arguement for a deistic God, but a Christian God requires too much faith to overcome my skeptism.
Many peoples problem can be that they have a misgiving about what faith is, many see it as “religion” western culture promotes that view. But one of the definitions of the word “religion” is system of belief. In that context one has faith, but in what is the question. Like most theist it seems you seek to construct your own system of belief. Lets face it, you trust something to be true and trustworthy and you believe it. Could be anything. What matters is where you place your faith, trust, belief.
Needless to say it is obvious that you believe there is a God a (Creator and Judge) but you don’t know God. As in a relationship. Its one thing to suspect there is a God and its another to know there is a God. As some believers say, to know that you know that you know. In order to know one must call upon the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and ask Him to be his Lord and Savior. Because its between you and Him in the first place. The Lord Jesus came into the world so we can know God, to be worshiped in Truth and Spirit.
What Jesus has given us is the Life He has as the Son of God, to have and share in that relationship which is the Life He has. What Adam has given us in the flesh is what all who come into the world have. What Jesus Christ has given us is the Life in His Spirit that He has in the Presence of God.
You can invest what you have, (the ability to believe and trust) in lies, and no matter how honestly you might believe them, they are still lies.
May The Lord be with you Pending Theist, maybe you with become a actual priest who not only believes there is a God, but knows God (that is what a true priest is, that is different from a theist and a atheist)