11 yr. old boy w/ hormone issues

[mkw]

Looking for some advice, I think a man could help with this problem the most.

My son came to me saying he has been “touching” himself. He says it makes him feel really bad and “weird” and does not know why he does it or WHY he feels the way he does physically.

I’m a widow, so I can’t say…Go Ask Dad. My 25 yr. old step son just gives him the thumbs up

How/what can I say to my son to help him understand why this is a wrong behavior to engage in. I have already explained what the church says about this, and that God does not approve, but that is not working.

he is at that age where I, as his mom, am NOT allowed to hug/kiss/say I LOVE YOU in front of his buddies

I need to stop this behavior before it develops into a habit, which usually leads to worse things.

 

[otm]

mkw:

Looking for some advice, I think a man could help with this problem the most.

My son came to me saying he has been “touching” himself. He says it makes him feel really bad and “weird” and does not know why he does it or WHY he feels the way he does physically.

I’m a widow, so I can’t say…Go Ask Dad. My 25 yr. old step son just gives him the thumbs up

How/what can I say to my son to help him understand why this is a wrong behavior to engage in. I have already explained what the church says about this, and that God does not approve, but that is not working.

he is at that age where I, as his mom, am NOT allowed to hug/kiss/say I LOVE YOU in front of his buddies

I need to stop this behavior before it develops into a habit, which usually leads to worse things.

Call or contact Catholic Answers for information re: Jason Evert and his chastity program. Fast.

Any uncles, other male relatives, priests, coaches who have their head on straight he might relate to?

By the way, hoorah and 10 points to you that he would share this with you! That says a whole mouthful about his emotional trust level with you!

 

[Shiann]

otm:

By the way, hoorah and 10 points to you that he would share this with you! That says a whole mouthful about his emotional trust level with you!

Big Fat DITTO!

Way to go MOM!

 

[Spatulate]

The Joyful Mysteries of Life is a great resource, as is anything by Christopher West.

I am proud of your son for coming to you, and for his honesty. EXCELLENT!

 

[Princess_Abby]

I would also talk to a priest about this, and maybe ask one to speak to your son. You have to be very careful that your son does not transfer these “bad and really weird” feelings blanketly over his sexuality. I would focus on the WONDERFUL aspects of sexuality–talk to him about how beautiful our fertility is and that while God attached pleasure to sex, it is meant to only be shared with one’s spouse in a sacramental marriage. In other words, once you’ve established what he isn’t supposed to do–work on creating a mindset of what he CAN do–one day, in the right context.

I would also take him to the sacrament of reconciliation and invite him to ask you to take him as often as possible, even every week if necessary. Remind him that the focus of this sacrament is NOT our sin, but on God’s beautiful mercy. He is a loving Father. The benefit of weekly confession and the graces your son will receive will help combat the habit of this sin.

Also, I would tell your son that while he may FEEL “bad and really weird,” HE is not “bad and really weird.” When he feels tempted, you should encourage him to do something that is in conflict with what he WANTS to do–run around the house 10 times, go outside and play basketball, kick a ball around, hit a tennis ball against the garage, etc. He can’t struggle with this sin if he’s busily running around (and the benefit is that he will be releasing some of his physical tension by exercising). When he comes to talk to you about this again, I would suggest sitting down and making a list of “activities” he can do to counter the temptation.

And yes you should be thrilled that he came and talked to you about this. What a wonderful mom you must be

 

[Chris_C]

I cannot recommend enough the excellent book:

Charity and Sex and the Young Man by Herbert Raterman, SJ.

It is brief, orthodox, clear, and compassionate. Available from Roman Catholic books, it is an invaluable aid in helping your son form his conscience on the critical matters.

It is the single best book I have ever read to help teenage boys through the minefield of self-abuse.

Order it, read it, give it to your son to read, and then discuss it with him.

Chris C.

 

[mkw]

Thank You all for your help and advice. I know my son is suffering emotionally from this, sadly though, not any adult male family members who can help. They APPROVE of this sort of behavior. Truely an uphill battle for us.

My son is coming over from the baptist faith and as yet, is not fully entered into our most beautiful Catholic Faith. I think confession would be an option he is not ready for yet.

We have a GREAT and young priest who is wonderful with young people, but I have gone to him so much now concerning my son, I would be affraid he might be getting tired of me. Plus, he is soooo busy.

Also, I am affraid that if I went to Father, my son may feel as if I violated his trust in me. I want him to ALWAYS feel that he can come to me with ANY problem or concern.

Is there a Patron Saint whome I can also go to?