N
newbetx
Guest
Just heard a very interesting story of Our Lady of Fatima. Got me thinking this woman needs her own prayer line!
- Status
F
freethinker83
Guest
Well, sounds like you’re covered then lol.
As an aside, I can personally speak to the addictive nature of porn. Although I still don’t have a moral objection to it, I do find it very addictive. I also agree with an earlier point that you made when you said people start seeking out more and more vulgar pornography. I have been using porn for around 15 years and have found myself seeking out more extreme forms as time goes on. I am honestly shocked at some of the things I decide to watch nowadays.
Why am I telling you this? I guess it’s partially a warning for your son, and partially because I’ve had a few beers
Internet porn was just stating to surface when I was your son’s age and I didn’t really watch it until college. I can’t imagine your son’s generation’s exposure to it at a young age. I still don’t think it has damaged my sex life because I was exposed to “normal sex” before extreme pornography and therefore have normal expectations. I think this could be different from young men from your son’s generation who view this extreme content prior to experiencing real women.
M
MtnDwellar
Guest
A man was fired at my workplace last week for viewing porn during work. He was one year from collecting his pension. He knew the consequences for his actions. He is active in his church. Even knowing what the bible teaches, company policies, and having had a previous warning, he still visited porn sites. His children are grown and out of the house. The poor man had to go home and face his wife and in-laws, who are living with him. He is an intelligent man.
I had to ask myself, what in the world drives people to this behavior? Clearly the drive is beyond what can be mitigated by the threat of even severe consequences.
This problem is way too big for you to solve. Even if your husband was 100% in your corner, it is too big even for the both of you. You are fighting against Satan, the desires of the flesh, and the temptation of the world. These enemies are not going to be defeated by software or even hardware. Your efforts are little more than bumps in the road. A young man’s imagination is very powerful and can be easily inspired. No computer is needed. There is plenty of analog inspiration available. It comes in the form of advertisements, TV shows, or even a walk around the block. He is bombarded by images each day.
The good news is that nothing is impossible for God. The battle is over your son’s soul. The battlefield is spiritual. This needs to be turned over. Fight the fight in the proper arena. Let God take care of it. Your part is to pray and use the tools that the Church has given us. Bless your son’s room. Bless your house. Put a picture of the Sacred Heart in his room. Have some masses said for your son’s intention. I believe that you already know how to do this. Double your efforts. Place your trust in God.
I had to ask myself, what in the world drives people to this behavior? Clearly the drive is beyond what can be mitigated by the threat of even severe consequences.
This problem is way too big for you to solve. Even if your husband was 100% in your corner, it is too big even for the both of you. You are fighting against Satan, the desires of the flesh, and the temptation of the world. These enemies are not going to be defeated by software or even hardware. Your efforts are little more than bumps in the road. A young man’s imagination is very powerful and can be easily inspired. No computer is needed. There is plenty of analog inspiration available. It comes in the form of advertisements, TV shows, or even a walk around the block. He is bombarded by images each day.
The good news is that nothing is impossible for God. The battle is over your son’s soul. The battlefield is spiritual. This needs to be turned over. Fight the fight in the proper arena. Let God take care of it. Your part is to pray and use the tools that the Church has given us. Bless your son’s room. Bless your house. Put a picture of the Sacred Heart in his room. Have some masses said for your son’s intention. I believe that you already know how to do this. Double your efforts. Place your trust in God.
G
GraceDK
Guest
Good post.
There was a teacher at a school in my area which was fired for downloading child pornography… He also had to face his family and colleagues …
Really sad.
Its clear that such people are addicted to perversion, but people don’t get addicted to perversions over night just like you don’t wake up a smoker after having smoked a cigarette a few times.
And yes, its a spiritual battle. So is fornication and adultery… these also need to be fought by means of prayer and sacraments, but never only…
Reason and intellect are very powerful tools to change undesirable behaviour. Education, knowledge. Eg. make a young person aware what unchastety will lead to down the road after the fleeing moment of passion, how it will actually interfere with all the good and healthy dreams he has in life, and he will strive to avoid impurity in the first place, and get up faster and more effectively when/if he falls.
I hope you agree.
So Juliane, keep talking to your sons and husbands, do not just pray.
C
craigkoenig
Guest
Juliane, I scanned through a little bit of this thread but didn’t read it in its entirety, so I apologize if I missed something.
I am a 20 year old college student involved with campus ministry at my church, and maybe my perspective could help out. I talk to a ton of young people, especially men, about the struggles they encounter. I can tell you that without a doubt that this type of issue (sex, lust, pornography, masturbation, etc.) is something that young men struggle with more than anything else. Nearly every man goes through it in this age, especially because of the ease of access we have to pornography, even with prevention software like you mentioned. The bottom line is that if he wants to sin, he will; no child block will give him a change of heart, which is what he needs.
In my experience, two things must happen in order for him to get past this. First, must give his life to God, and be led by Christ. We’ve established how awful porn is, and I trust that he has an idea as well. However, relationship with God and an active life in the Church will make him absolutely detest it. I speak here from personal experience.
I am a 20 year old college student involved with campus ministry at my church, and maybe my perspective could help out. I talk to a ton of young people, especially men, about the struggles they encounter. I can tell you that without a doubt that this type of issue (sex, lust, pornography, masturbation, etc.) is something that young men struggle with more than anything else. Nearly every man goes through it in this age, especially because of the ease of access we have to pornography, even with prevention software like you mentioned. The bottom line is that if he wants to sin, he will; no child block will give him a change of heart, which is what he needs.
In my experience, two things must happen in order for him to get past this. First, must give his life to God, and be led by Christ. We’ve established how awful porn is, and I trust that he has an idea as well. However, relationship with God and an active life in the Church will make him absolutely detest it. I speak here from personal experience.
Secondly, your son must seek out and befriend other Christian men, and be able to talk about this with them. Small group fellowship is what I do a lot of, and we hold each other accountable. We put everything on the table, and discuss what we are struggling with. It is amazing how the help of a friend can get you through a tough time if you open up. Ideally, this is where the father steps in, but this is difficult.
Do all you can to push him towards a great church with a great youth group. He can’t do it on his own. I’ll be praying for your family, let me know if I can do more.
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
Thank you. I know that is a missing element. Although he does attend a Jesuit college prep and a few of his teachers and retreat leaders are fine examples of good Catholic men, I’m sure he wouldn’t confide this to them.
I do realize how difficult it must be for men…It used to be that a man had to take action to find porn - had to go to a store and buy the magazine, had to go to an X-rated movie theater, etc. Now the stuff comes to you! Almost NO action is required, one click, sometimes a mistaken click, and there it is! In living color and motion! A lot of it is free, so there’s not even a monetary obstacle.
The youth group in our parish is called “Life Teen.” I greatly dislike this program. It has replaced traditional confirmation classes, it demands 2 years of a teen’s life, including Mass away from the parents on Sunday night (we almost always eat as a family on Sunday nights). The group is run by women.
His father is unable at this point to say anything constructive to him. I will keep praying, because it would mean so much to him if his Dad would condemn this. AND give him other ways to control himself, and let him know that real men don’t look at things like that. He did attend a behavioral intervention camp last summer, and they worked on the book “Every Young Man’s Battle,” so he knows how bad this stuff is.
He went to church with his older brother and me on Saturday night, the first time other than Christmas and Easter, in over a year.
:yyeess:
I’ll take that as an answer to prayer. Thanks for yours, and everyone else’s.
I do realize how difficult it must be for men…It used to be that a man had to take action to find porn - had to go to a store and buy the magazine, had to go to an X-rated movie theater, etc. Now the stuff comes to you! Almost NO action is required, one click, sometimes a mistaken click, and there it is! In living color and motion! A lot of it is free, so there’s not even a monetary obstacle.
The youth group in our parish is called “Life Teen.” I greatly dislike this program. It has replaced traditional confirmation classes, it demands 2 years of a teen’s life, including Mass away from the parents on Sunday night (we almost always eat as a family on Sunday nights). The group is run by women.
His father is unable at this point to say anything constructive to him. I will keep praying, because it would mean so much to him if his Dad would condemn this. AND give him other ways to control himself, and let him know that real men don’t look at things like that. He did attend a behavioral intervention camp last summer, and they worked on the book “Every Young Man’s Battle,” so he knows how bad this stuff is.
He went to church with his older brother and me on Saturday night, the first time other than Christmas and Easter, in over a year.
:yyeess:
I’ll take that as an answer to prayer. Thanks for yours, and everyone else’s.
O
onmyknees
Guest
Quote from TheRealJuliane
He went to church with his older brother and me on Saturday night, the first time other than Christmas and Easter, in over a year.
I’ll take that as an answer to prayer. Thanks for yours, and everyone else’s.
Alleluia!!!
He went to church with his older brother and me on Saturday night, the first time other than Christmas and Easter, in over a year.
I’ll take that as an answer to prayer. Thanks for yours, and everyone else’s.
Alleluia!!!
S
sequoyagurl988
Guest
It wasn’t that long ago that I was 17 myself and I may not have a son, but I have a brother and a lot of guy friends. I don’t know that you’ll welcome what I have to say, but it’s held true every time in my experience, so here it is. At this point, your son is almost a legal adult. You’ve made it clear that you disapprove of porn. He knows what the Catholic Church teaches on the subject. He’s perfectly capable of making his own decisions at this point, misguided though they may be, and there are no technological roadblocks you can create that a smart 17-year-old can’t get around.
The single best thing you can do to keep him from watching porn sounds counter-intuitive: quit fighting him. Half the thrill of porn for guys his age is the challenge of getting it past The Parents. He’s not going to stop just because you say so. He’ll only stop when he actually feels bad about the habit, and that’s not going to happen with you constantly looking over his shoulder and sending him away to be reformed. As long as you try to get messages across, he won’t hear the messages; all he hears is that you think he’s a bad person and that you’re trying to force him to do what he’s told, which no teenage boy on the cusp of adulthood likes to hear. If you have a serious conversation about his impending adulthood and the importance of taking the credit or the blame for his own actions, and then stop fighting him over it, he will no longer be able to view you as the Bad Guy who’s trying to limit his teenage rebellion. As a result he will find rebellion to be less important, and eventually, by extension, porn will be less important.
It won’t be long before he finds a girl he really cares about, and if porn is still a major component of his Internet time by then, she will figure it out eventually and she will not be OK with it. That’s the most likely thing to make him change his tune.
The single best thing you can do to keep him from watching porn sounds counter-intuitive: quit fighting him. Half the thrill of porn for guys his age is the challenge of getting it past The Parents. He’s not going to stop just because you say so. He’ll only stop when he actually feels bad about the habit, and that’s not going to happen with you constantly looking over his shoulder and sending him away to be reformed. As long as you try to get messages across, he won’t hear the messages; all he hears is that you think he’s a bad person and that you’re trying to force him to do what he’s told, which no teenage boy on the cusp of adulthood likes to hear. If you have a serious conversation about his impending adulthood and the importance of taking the credit or the blame for his own actions, and then stop fighting him over it, he will no longer be able to view you as the Bad Guy who’s trying to limit his teenage rebellion. As a result he will find rebellion to be less important, and eventually, by extension, porn will be less important.
It won’t be long before he finds a girl he really cares about, and if porn is still a major component of his Internet time by then, she will figure it out eventually and she will not be OK with it. That’s the most likely thing to make him change his tune.
Mary_Gail_36
New member
Juliane, just wanted to remind you about the cable as well.
Certain cable movie chanels have soft porn programming on at night, on the parental controls block anything that is TVMA.
Also make sure if you have netflix streaming, he does not have the code…again various things there that are problematic…
Also on-demand and pay per view.
Just double check that everything in your home is safe.
Certain cable movie chanels have soft porn programming on at night, on the parental controls block anything that is TVMA.
Also make sure if you have netflix streaming, he does not have the code…again various things there that are problematic…
Also on-demand and pay per view.
Just double check that everything in your home is safe.
H
HerrZJA
Guest
Yet again I get to be “that guy”. Apologies in advance.
I’ll be 21 in about three weeks. I’m not going to say I never see pornography or that I don’t occasionally engage in the habits that go along with it. What I can say is that, if I find out when I was 17 that my parents were running K9 and spyware on my computer I’d have hit the roof, and even then that would have been all the motivation I needed in that rebellious phase of my life to continue actively seeking ways to get porn around your blockers.
In my experience, forbidding people my age only motivates us to find ways to seek it out. It adds an adrenaline high to all the rest of the hormonal flux people in their teens are going through.
Is pornography sinful? Little doubt in my mind. Is it easy to kick? No. He needs support, not lectures.
Just my 2 cents.
I’ll be 21 in about three weeks. I’m not going to say I never see pornography or that I don’t occasionally engage in the habits that go along with it. What I can say is that, if I find out when I was 17 that my parents were running K9 and spyware on my computer I’d have hit the roof, and even then that would have been all the motivation I needed in that rebellious phase of my life to continue actively seeking ways to get porn around your blockers.
In my experience, forbidding people my age only motivates us to find ways to seek it out. It adds an adrenaline high to all the rest of the hormonal flux people in their teens are going through.
Is pornography sinful? Little doubt in my mind. Is it easy to kick? No. He needs support, not lectures.
Just my 2 cents.
T
TheRealJuliane
Guest
I understand what you are saying. The camp was about deeper issues than just the porn. He has had a …how do I put it…tumultuous few years. One incident involved him complaining to his then-girlfriend so much about us abusing him that she called CPS on us. Of course, we were investigated, I asked them to take him out of the house but they wouldn’t. On Mother’s Day that year, he stood over me in a threatening manner and then punched a hole in the wall when I told him to stop it. All because I asked him to set the table. That day, we called the cops because he was acting totally irrationally.
If you suspect that your child may be doing drugs, you will do what it takes to try and make sure they don’t end up dead or in jail. I had no idea if my kid was taking drugs, drinking, etc. I felt that I had no choice but to keep track of his movements, before he got himself into lifelong consequences. As a parent, whether you are 12, 15, 17, or whatever, it is my job to protect you from yourself until you are able to make better decisions. He can “hit the roof” all he wants but his reactions aren’t what I live my life by. He has tried to bully us out of plenty of our standards and sometimes he wins, because he really can be very forceful and at times, I get tired of the fight. I forget to put on my full armor and pray and give myself time.
The teen years are when Dad needs to step into the gap and really pin boys’ ears back when they cross the line. My husband did not grow up with a father in his life. He has no idea what to do, doesn’t have it in him, so it’s sort of like single parenting. I mean, he’s been here, which is at least something, but there are huge gaps in what he’s equipped to handle. So for example, when our son was disrespectful to me, his dad needed to immediately respond in a way that would set the boundaries. I would wait, and then get annoyed, and try to force my husband to respond, and then he’d get furious with ME. So I had two tantrums to deal with.
Support - always tried to be supportive, but there have been years where our son has done nothing but push us away. As a parent you don’t stop trying but you can only do so much when they are rebelling. And the dynamic of the family gets messed up too, because all the energy is going into putting out fires, so other kids get neglected (his older brother).
Anyway, I do understand and I realize that he will soon be making his own decisions. At some point, all I will be able to do is cover him with prayer and let God handle the rest.
A
AnnonymouSinner
Guest
Well here’s the deal from a pro in it: Change your wifi password. Now. Also, have everyone change the password on every device that they own. now. Also, RIGHT NOW go, delete the software you used to see whatever he was seeing on his laptop, because this is 100% ILLEGAL. And should he call CPS again, you could go to jail for it. anyways, also pray. plant a scapular
in his room.
in his room.
D
Demetra2
Guest
Dear One, I am so sorry that you are going through this very painful experience with both your son and your husband. You have been given some good advice here but have you spoken to a Catholic therapist and your priest yet?
Please start saying the rosary every day for help. I will include your family in my prayers.
Please start saying the rosary every day for help. I will include your family in my prayers.
M
Megan7
Guest
Praying for you.
M
maryjk
Guest
Guys, this thread is almost 3 years old.
THR hasn’t been to CAF for 6 months.
It is best to let old threads die.
(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
THR hasn’t been to CAF for 6 months.
It is best to let old threads die.
(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
D
Demetra2
Guest
Thanks for pointing that out! I didn’t realize that very old date when I posted. Hope the problem has long been resolved and the OP is well.
- Status