2-Month Sabbaticle

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Nechasin

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I have a friend that is married with no children. He is taking a 2-month (yes Month) sabbatical and going hiking in the Colorado mountains with his brother. His brother is married with 1 child.

To me this is just wrong to take 2-months away from your spouse to go take a vacation. I just wanted to get opinions about this.

Thanks
 
Do you know the whole story? Maybe his wife is going with him, and taking the young one in a sling or backpack. Maybe she’s perfectly fine with the whole thing, trust him implicitly and thinks he needs to spend more time with his brother.

You have to let married couples make up their own minds about this. What’s good for one couple might not work with another.

If it makes you feel better though, I would not want my husband going hiking for 2 months with his sister (He has no brother- of that we know, aynway). I don’t think he’d want to do that anyway, as his idea of camping is a motel that has limited cable and an atrium.😉
 
Neither Wife is going. My wife and my friends wife were talking today. She does not appear to be fine with it, but she isn’t saying anything against the trip. I’m do not want to judge him either way, it is just beyond my understanding on someone doing this. I am just looking for help in understanding, and someplace to put my thoughts to words so I don’t do it in front of my friend or his wife and make a real horse*** out of myself.
 
I don’t see anything wrong with this. Would you expect the brother to go alone by himself? And maybe his wife might also have a situation one day where she might want to leave for a trip only for her.
 
I just have an issue with it being 2-months. If it was 2-weeks, I wouldn’t bat an eye at it. It is the length of the trip that I have an issue with and don’t understand.
 
Nechasin said:
I have a friend that is married with no children. He is taking a 2-month (yes Month) sabbatical and going hiking in the Colorado mountains with his brother. His brother is married with 1 child.

To me this is just wrong to take 2-months away from your spouse to go take a vacation. I just wanted to get opinions about this.

Thanks
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I would want my BF to go with me. But by the same token, his sister’s husband goes hiking with his buddies and she stays home sometimes. If all parties involved are ok, leave it up to them.
We spent 2 weeks 2 summers ago in Rocky Mountain National Park and barely scratched the surface! If I could afford 2 months, I would …in a heartbeat.
I think it’s kinda cool 2 brothers wanting to do that actually!

Kathy
 
No I do not think this is ok, especially for the one with the child. Either way I don’t think married people should vacation without the other for 2 months.
 
If the child is very young, that could be a problem. Otherwise, as long as the wives were comfortable with it, I think it is fine. I mean, if your husband has a once in a lifetime opportunity to do something that is important to him, why would you want to take that away from him?
 
dulcissima said:
If the child is very young, that could be a problem. Otherwise, as long as the wives were comfortable with it, I think it is fine. I mean, if your husband has a once in a lifetime opportunity to do something that is important to him, why would you want to take that away from him?
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Hiking the Rockies, for many is indeed a once in a lifetime opportunity. It changes all the time. And goodness, this is 2 brothers we are talking about. Maybe they want to bring a relationship closer and I think they should!
It would indeed be hard to part with a spouse, but if I wanted to do something with my sister, my BF can state his feelings, but in the end, I make the decision.
Kathy
 
Katie1723 said:
Hiking the Rockies, for many is indeed a once in a lifetime opportunity. It changes all the time. And goodness, this is 2 brothers we are talking about. Maybe they want to bring a relationship closer and I think they should!
It would indeed be hard to part with a spouse, but if I wanted to do something with my sister, my BF can state his feelings, but in the end, I make the decision.
Kathy
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Since both brothers are married, their first concern in building up relationships (if this is even the reason for the trip) should be with their wives. “Forsaking all others”, includes not answering the call of the wild with one’s brother - or sister - when it leaves wife and child behind for such an extended period.
 
This is soooo none of your business. I wouldn’t dream of interfering by offering an opinion concerning any decision upon which a married couple has agreed. You have no power much less invitation to interfere in their decion making and accomplish nothing but stirring up discord and look like a busy-body. When it is your husband and your kids you can have all the say you want. Until then, keep mum.
 
Island_Oak said:
This is soooo none of your business. I wouldn’t dream of interfering by offering an opinion concerning any decision upon which a married couple has agreed. You have no power much less invitation to interfere in their decion making and accomplish nothing but stirring up discord and look like a busy-body. When it is your husband and your kids you can have all the say you want. Until then, keep mum.
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I know this is none of my business, but I was so shocked by the idea, that I wanted to talk about here and get other opinions so I WOULD NOT say something stupid in front of them. I want to thank everyone that responded with constructive comments from both sides of the issue. I am beginning to understand the decision more with the help of the constructive comments even if I don’t agree with the trip. I don’t have to agree with the trip, I just have to understand.

It is unfortunately part of our human nature to react badly to things that we do not agree with and do not understand. However, if we understand, then I believe that it is much easier to agree to disagree without causing damage to our relationships. Part of the process of understanding is talking about the issue and trying to get other points of view. Just sticking our heads in the sand is no way to deal with a difficult situation.

I unfortunately have to travel on business for 2-3 weeks at a time 4-5 times a year. I would never even consider leaving for a 2-month vacation without my wife which is why I have had difficulty understand my friends decision to take this trip.
 
Nechasin said:
…I don’t have to agree with the trip, I just have to understand…

if we understand, then I believe that it is much easier to agree to disagree without causing damage to our relationships…Just sticking our heads in the sand is no way to deal with a difficult situation.
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Without wanting to seem argumentative…I think you still miss my point…which is…unless you’re being asked to assume some of of your friend’s responsibilities while he’s away, you don’t need to agree, diagree, understand or not understand–whether or not you ever open your mouth. Comments like “sticking our heads in the sand” or referring to this as a “difficult situation” suggest you imagine you have some role to play in this or a responsibility to weigh in or advise. You don’t, unless asked. As he’s not proposing anything immoral, your friend has no need to make sure you are “all right” with his choice.

It isn’t complicated. It’s just a more extreme example of the variety of differing family values that you may encounter without ever ever “understanding” or adopting for yourself, like: “I would prefer to have my wife at home raising our kids,” “kids do just fine in day-care,” “we have two kids and we’re done,” “we have six kids and are open to more,” "my wife is going back to work now so we can move into a better neighborhood, “I had a bad experience in Catholic school and no longer go to Church”…

All you can do is nod and smile, accept THEIR decision and wish your friend a good trip–without taking upon yourself the burden of understanding or embracing it. (and for the record this is coming from someone who wouldn’t consider leaving my husband and kids for that length of time and would probably take offense if my husband even asked about the possibility of doing so himself and leaving us behind–but I can’t presume the same values and attachments for other relationships)

Do ya understand where I’m coming from? 😉
 
You must be a better person than me because I have an extremely hard time sitting and listening to him talk about how great this trip is going to be when I don’t agree with what he is doing. I am trying to be civil which is why I’m trying to understand. I have a habit of speaking my mind so I admit my desire to understand is selfish since I’m trying to make easier to sit there and smile and nod.
 
Nechasin said:
You must be a better person than me because I have an extremely hard time sitting and listening to him talk about how great this trip is going to be when I don’t agree with what he is doing. I am trying to be civil which is why I’m trying to understand. I have a habit of speaking my mind so I admit my desire to understand is selfish since I’m trying to make easier to sit there and smile and nod.
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Heck, no. It’s the toughest thing in the world to do. As someone all too quick to share my opinion (and believe it’s the right one) I completely understand what you’re trying to do. I’ve just been burned one too many times (usually by responding to solicitations for advice from family members) only to realize that people rarely want to hear constructive criticism or disagreement even when they ask for advice. :rolleyes: More often than not offense is taken if you disagree, and it is simply not worth causing conflict with someone who’s going to do what they want–with or without my counsel. (and… more often than not, we stubborn, prideful souls learn more by suffering the painful consequences of our own misguided decisions than accepting the wise advice of those who care about us.)
 
Well, I think it is very dangerous to his marriage. I also think it may point to a selfish nature.

But, my SIL and my brother endured months worth of separation over a three year period so she could get her degree in Europe in Norweigen folk music. :rolleyes: He saw her every four or six months for a few weeks.

They are married without kids (I doubt they ever will have any) and both pursue “interests” intensely. My brother does triathalons and she tours with her Norweigen Folk music band.

No Church, no service, no kids. I really worry about them. 😦
 
I don’t think this is any of my business. What does it matter what I think about it?
 
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