5 issues related to Protestant friend and Fiance

[pastpresent]

Hello all!

So basically my close friend is protestant and he is engaged to a catholic girl.

1. He is living with her and her family as of recently. I don’t really know how to tell him he shouldn’t be doing that. I think he did it in part because of financial reasons. I know he is sexually active, so I don’t think he would care, or if I should even bother. At the same time I am trying to stop being complacent with issues I feel could be damning to people, especially those I care about.
2. He is also involved in teaching catechism at a Catholic youth group… I know his heart is in the right place but obviously there could be misinformation relayed that is contrary to catholic teaching. Our catechesis is already pretty bad around the country so I’d rather not have kids more confused.
3. He is thinking of starting a church, not as in like forming a denomination but as in opening a new place of worship, and becoming a pastor. Obviously I welcome him devoting himself all the more to God, and I spoke to him that I thought it was good, but I was wondering if I should have approached this differently considering it would be more ideal if he were to ‘come home’ rather than do what he is planning. I don’t know if this is the right way of thinking, lmk.
4. From the conversations I had it doesn’t seem like they plan to raise their kids catholic…
5. Way less topical but many years ago I used to talk a ridiculous amount of mess about his fiance, and every time I am with them I experience a significant amount of guilt for what I have done, should I tell them what I said or just confess and leave it at that?

For all of this (minus the last thing) I feel like it is probably not my business but I just wan’t to hear any form of advice you guys have on approaching this stuff. For a lot of it I feel like I would just sound like I’d be putting forth a holier than thou attitude or trying to micromanage other people’s lives too much, so it seems bad. Other times I have told my friends outright that their behavior was sinful they didn’t seem to care so I really don’t know what kind of approach to take, if at all. Thanks for your time and God bless.

 

[FirstFiveEighth]

I don’t have much specific to tell you, other than I have found that the best approach that I have found to address such topics with people is this: If they bring up a topic in conversation with you, say premarital sex, and/or ask your opinion on said topic, give them your honest answer and opinion. I have found that people will usually consider or respect your opinion that way. But if you volunteer your opinion without being asked, especially on a sensitive topic, all you will succeed in doing is putting their backs up. Instead of getting them to consider a different point of view you will have pushed them into a position will they will defend whatever behavior or topic viciously and dismiss you out of hand. You will have therefore failed to get them to reconsider their behavior and soured that relationship. You will have confirmed the “overbearing Christian moralist” stereotype, which is hard to recover from. That’s the way I see it anyways.

As to your last point, I do have specific advice. Don’t tell your friend and/or fiancé that you used to talk smack about her behind their backs. Neither is likely to be very forgiving and it will just fester for pretty much the duration of your relationship. The fiancé especially is not likely to want to have anything to do with you. I say this from (secondhand) experience. A few people I know were told by their friends and/or family that the women they were dating weren’t “right” for them, or that they could “do better”, or that they had said some things about them in the past. They married anyways and to this day, years later, the wives always have an excuse not to visit with their husbands, or invite certain people over- (I have a lot of work to catch up on, I have a headache, the kids suddenly all have the flu, etc). The point is, while you can confess your gossip to a priest, it isn’t going to be helpful in your relationship with your friend and his fiancé and can only harm the relationship. Just make sure you don’t keep gossiping…

 

[TheLittleLady]

I would advise you to have a private meeting with the Pastor at the Catholic Church. Persons who are publicly violating the laws of the Church have no place as instructors or mentors WRT the Faith.

Then, leave it in the priest’s capable hands. He will decide what is best.

 

[Viki63]

Yes, as TheLittleLady says.
Also, a person who is sexually active outside of marriage is violating the laws generally acknowledged by all denominations, so his pastoring a church sounds unlikely/a bad idea.

 

[Fraevo63]

Just for the record it’s called, “FORNICATION” which is a mortal sin. I don’t mean to hone in on this thread but I felt like it needed to be stated bluntly.

 

[QwertyGirl]

It depends on how important your friendship is, because if you plan to address these issues with him you should expect he won’t be interested too much in maintaining a friendship with you. Why would he? You would basically be telling him how to conduct his relationship with his fiance, that he probably shouldn’t be working with the youth camp, that his plans for becoming a pastor are bogus and then, to top it off, that you talked trash about his soon-to-be wife (why you would even consider telling him this is beyond me).

Sometimes it is best to lead by example while minding your own business. That is what I would suggest, assuming you would like to keep him as a friend.