9 yo with sleep issues

[Pansy]

I have a nine yo (only child) daughter who has always had trouble going to sleep by herself and hates sleeping alone. I tend to give in easy and stay with her just to get her to sleep. My husband is absolutely opposed to this and in no way shape or form will allow her to sleep in our room.

When she was 7 we gradually and successfully worked her up to going to sleep alone and this worked for 1 year. Then we went on vacation last summer and due to poor sleeping conditions I had to sleep with her for the entire week. Ever since then she has been worse than ever and even fakes illness in attempts to get me to stay with her while she falls asleep.

I need some ideas on how to reach a compromise as this is causing her and consequently myself a lot of stress. I have visions of her being scared for life over something that seems so simple.

TIA,

Pansy

 

[contemplative]

Make her bedroom especially appealing. Teach her how to keep it clean and attractive.

Place a bed light on her bed to use for reading.

Have a night light in her bedroom and hall outside her room as well as bathroom.

Leave her door open and your door open at night.

Be sure she knows these amenities are for her because she will stay in her own room at night.

Be firm and make the change and don’t look back.

 

[movingmom]

My eight year old just developed sleep issues six months ago - she is afraid of everything - dying, rain drops, dark you name it. Her room is great, really girly, lots of comforts. We decided to give her a reading light and let her dictate when she goes to sleep. She may only read, and not leave her bed. I’m not sure when she actually turns in, but she’s not crabby in the morning, or tired in the afternoon, so I suppose she’s getting enough sleep. My hubby and I got to bed at 10:00 and I wake her at 7:30, so she’s at least getting 9 hours. I know that is at the low end of the spectrum for the required sleep for her age, but it’s what works for our family, and so far no complications.

 

[Blanka]

There have been some very good suggestions mentioned.
I like the nightlight idea as well as a reading light so that she determines when she actually turns off the light and goes to sleep. I would also suggest family prayer time together in the living room or den right before she goes to her room. During that time, you can include a prayer for each family member’s guardian angel to be with them and protect them. I also think it could help to give her a stuffed animal (whatever animal seems unique and catches her attention) that can become her special “security” animal to sleep with at night. (Even if she already has tons of stuffed animals, let one of them be the security animal.)
Most importantly, do not let her see you get emotional if she cries or begs for you to stay in her room. As hard as that may be, it only reinforces her behavior of begging you to stay with her.
Have you asked her why she is afraid to go to sleep alone in the room? There can be different reasons for different children. Some children are afraid of monsters. Some children may be afraid they won’t wake up if they go to sleep. Others have had scary experiences at night, like waking up during a bad storm and being frightened. If you know the reason for her fear, it may help you to address it better.
Good luck.

 

[Giannawannabe]

movingmom:

My eight year old just developed sleep issues six months ago - she is afraid of everything - dying, rain drops, dark you name it. Her room is great, really girly, lots of comforts. We decided to give her a reading light and let her dictate when she goes to sleep. She may only read, and not leave her bed. I’m not sure when she actually turns in, but she’s not crabby in the morning, or tired in the afternoon, so I suppose she’s getting enough sleep. My hubby and I got to bed at 10:00 and I wake her at 7:30, so she’s at least getting 9 hours. I know that is at the low end of the spectrum for the required sleep for her age, but it’s what works for our family, and so far no complications.

This is exactly what we do with our 9 y.o son and it works beautifully.

 

[Flounder]

Not to be mean, but sometimes children pay the price for their parent’s indulgences of them.

Many good suggestions, but…the “compromise” you are looking for is not with your daughter; it is with your husband. He has been adamantly against this and you keep giving in. You two need to align your parenting as much as possible. I think families work best when the father and mother are blending.

This jumped out at me because I think it is a common problem…I know it sometimes is in our family.

 

[Mamamull]

Well, our new son, who came to us last November has sleep issues – and does he. I have spent hours upon hours working on outlasting him – in that I don’t like to go to sleep until he does.

It used to take 2 to 5 hours for him to calm down and cave in. He had incredible monster fears that were planted by the foster fathers with whom he lived prior to us.

A dim, but not too dim night light is good. We use a kid’s desk lamp so he can redirect the light on any shadows that scare him. A bright light can interfere with seritonin and sleep, so try to keep it under 40 watts. We use 25 watt bulbs.

We also used a lot of Holy Water to bless the closet doors, the corners of the bed and even the child. It is good to be Catholic!

We used a small fan to make white noise and block out some of the household noises.

We have multiple lovies/transitional objects and pictures of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary in the room. He also has a Rosary and can pray it mostly on his own. Even if they don’t know the mysteries, the repetition and prayer is priceless.

We also taught him the standard prayer to St. Michael the Archangel.

We read Angel in the Waters often to remind him of his guardian angel. I offer masses for the benefit of his guardian angel, too. We need to help our kid’s angels, too. St. Michael will help the guardian angel as well.

Mostly, you have to be stubborn and realize you are teaching your child a lifelong lesson that is as important as being honest and moral. Trust and self-reliance are important pesonal virtues and skills amd sleeping alone is a way to learn those.

Your child is maybe old enough for a CD player with a calm cd to listen to as well. Sometimes just giving her the new rituals to use to fall asleep on her own will be something that becomes an issue, but assisting her to find her own way to fall asleep is crucial.

PM me if you would like, I have spent several evenings writing lengthy emails to friends and family while I was waiting on Malachi.

I can say that we have mostly succeeded in him learning to sleep. We still have nights here and there, but nothing like it was, Thanks be to God.

See yourself as doing good and not being mean.