A bit of a moral conundrum

[EasterJoy]

That’s why I told him to tell the grandfather to take it up with the parents and not to get himself involved in their issues with the grandfather. It’s not fair to the child, and the child should not accept having to be the middleman.

I am not aware that I as a parent am authorized to grant dispensations to my children releasing them from their Sunday obligation.

If your choice is between having them miss Mass and having them get a ride with somebody who could quite conceivably kill or seriously injure your child, the driver, or someone else, most pastors would say that is a sufficiently serious reason to miss Mass. That doesn’t mean you don’t have an obligation to look for some other option for your child, if it is there.

Still, this would have been best dealt with by talking with one’s pastor first, yes. You don’t go giving yourself or your child dispensations unless you can’t get in touch with your pastor and it is a real safety issue or some other very serious matter at stake. For all the family knows, the parish can arrange safe rides to those who face problems like this. If not, they’d at least be satisfied that they did their best to both keep their child safe and get them to Mass.

Still, the OP isn’t the parent, but rather a child under the parent’s authority, so the OP is kind of stuck with the parent’s discretion until the child’s pastor can be consulted about what to do. Since it is possible that the parent is on sound moral ground, the child can’t really just feel free to ignore the parents’ wishes, especially since to do so could get Grandpa on the road and get someone seriously injured.

 

[aemcpa]

Still, the OP isn’t the parent, but rather a child under the parent’s authority, so the OP is kind of stuck with the parent’s discretion until the child’s pastor can be consulted about what to do. Since it is possible that the parent is on sound moral ground, the child can’t really just feel free to ignore the parents’ wishes, especially since to do so could get Grandpa on the road and get someone seriously injured.

My problem isn’t that the parents decided that it’s not safe for Grandpa to drive. Their decision is their decision, and I agree that it could very well be the best possible decision out of a group of bad alternatives. My problem is that the OP’s parents are being wimps and sticking their kid out there to break the hard news to Grandpa. It’s not right for a teenager to have to have this conversation with his grandfather when it wasn’t his call to begin with. The OP’s father should man up and tell Grandpa himself that “this is my decision, and here’s why - I don’t trust you to drive, and it’s not safe for you as my father or for OP as my son.” Authority and responsibility go together - the person with authority shouldn’t shirk the responsibility that comes it. That’s all I’m saying.

 

[MSSheBear]

I come across these, “I can’t go to Mass because I don’t drive” posts. The church is 7 miles away? Your neighbors are all Muslims? If the grandfather is the only licensed driver in the family and is losing his sight the OP needs to get a license as soon as possible. How do they get groceries or go to school? Where I live I could walk to two parishes and bicycle to two further out. And I could take public transit to another. I bicycle to my current parish church (I’ve gained weight recently) and I have been offered a ride. So perhaps there is an alternative?

 

[aemcpa]

I come across these, “I can’t go to Mass because I don’t drive” posts. The church is 7 miles away? Your neighbors are all Muslims? If the grandfather is the only licensed driver in the family and is losing his sight the OP needs to get a license as soon as possible. How do they get groceries or go to school? Where I live I could walk to two parishes and bicycle to two further out. And I could take public transit to another. I bicycle to my current parish church (I’ve gained weight recently) and I have been offered a ride. So perhaps there is an alternative?

I think the OP was saying that missing Mass was a one-off event, but the moral conundrum is that his parents are sticking him with the job of telling the grandfather that he shouldn’t drive anymore, and he doesn’t know how to do that without lying.

 

[MSSheBear]

Ah, yes, I should have read the post more carefully. My apologies. The parents should tell the grandfather they don’t want him driving. :sad_yes: Unfortunately I have experience with older drivers. But parents don’t always cooperate. The OP should tell them they need to tell the grandfather. Otherwise the grandfather may think the kid is being uppity. Still the OP can’t walk or get a ride to church?