A Dilemma.

[Nelka]

My brother has had a baby and is having him baptised.

My wife’s cousin who grew up like sisters, her daughter is having her first Holy communion.

Unfortunately they are on the same day in two different countries.

Impossible for us to go to both but my wife wants to go to first Holy communion and wants to take the children also.

I cannot let my brother down, it is his first baby which he waited a lifetime for and he was there at our marriage and our children’s baptism but my wife refuses to go.

Of all the days in the year I always end up with a dilemma like this.

What on earth do I do? I seem to be in a lose-lose situation.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

In my opinion, Baptism trumps First Communion, and brother trumps cousin, even a close one. But since your wife is not willing to miss the First Communion, I would suggest you each go to your respective relative’s event. How old are the kids - old enough to care? You could split them too - boys with Dad and girls with Mom, or older kids with Dad and younger with Mom, or let them decide if they have relationships with cousins that will be be at both events. I would think that your wife’s cousin would understand if the kids came with you, since it is a closer relative, but don’t make it into something contentious though. It is understandable that sometimes families have to go in different directions, and the kids don’t need to see this as a Dad vs. Mom thing. Each of you send your best wishes with the other to the events, and look at it as you representing your family at both events.

 

[Cricket2]

Simple: You attend the baptism to be with your brother and his child. Your wife goes to the first communion.

Things like this happen. Having a family member present at both events, with the explanation that the days coincided and you could see no other way to try and honor both families, should be an acceptable answer.

This won’t be the first time you and your wife might have to attend different but equally important events on the same day.

 

[Book_Worm]

Is it possible for your DB to change the date of the Baptism? I know I would if my dearly loved brother could not attend.

Dates for a First Communion are usually set by the parish and generally can’t be changed.

 

[Allegra]

I agree. Go to the Baptism and let your wife attend her cousin’s first communion.

 

[Ophelia23]

In my opinion, Baptism trumps First Communion, and brother trumps cousin, even a close one. But since your wife is not willing to miss the First Communion, I would suggest you each go to your respective relative’s event. How old are the kids - old enough to care? You could split them too - boys with Dad and girls with Mom, or older kids with Dad and younger with Mom, or let them decide if they have relationships with cousins that will be be at both events. I would think that your wife’s cousin would understand if the kids came with you, since it is a closer relative, but don’t make it into something contentious though. It is understandable that sometimes families have to go in different directions, and the kids don’t need to see this as a Dad vs. Mom thing. Each of you send your best wishes with the other to the events, and look at it as you representing your family at both events.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Each of you send your best wishes with the other to the events, and look at it as you representing your family at both events.

I think this sounds like a good way of dealing with it and presenting it to the family.

 

[underacloud]

I agree with all advice so far - go your separate ways on this one. These things happen and it’s nice for you to be there with your brother and for your wife to be there with her cousin. Look at it more as a win-win this way than a lose-lose.

 

[Nelka]

Thanks for all the responses but my wife doesn’t understand compromise.

 

[Truth_Faith13]

In my opinion, Baptism trumps First Communion, and brother trumps cousin, even a close one. But since your wife is not willing to miss the First Communion, I would suggest you each go to your respective relative’s event. How old are the kids - old enough to care? You could split them too - boys with Dad and girls with Mom, or older kids with Dad and younger with Mom, or let them decide if they have relationships with cousins that will be be at both events. I would think that your wife’s cousin would understand if the kids came with you, since it is a closer relative, but don’t make it into something contentious though. It is understandable that sometimes families have to go in different directions, and the kids don’t need to see this as a Dad vs. Mom thing. Each of you send your best wishes with the other to the events, and look at it as you representing your family at both events.

This

 

[Truth_Faith13]

Thanks for all the responses but my wife doesn’t understand compromise.

You mean she expects you to go with her? That’s unfair and uncalled for! I think you might just have to stand firm and go to the baptism. She will probably sulk, just don’t make a big deal of it and argue. Calmly say you have a responsibility to your brother and she has a responsibility to her cousin.

 

[underacloud]

Thanks for all the responses but my wife doesn’t understand compromise.

Could you show her this thread?

It is quite simply unreasonable for anyone to fail to,see a compromise here.