A Divided Heart?

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TotusTuusForever

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Is it just me, or does marriage / a romantic relationship make your spiritual life less fruitful? Before I met my husband, I would pray for a least an hour a day. But, now I really struggle to have the same deep relationship with our Lord as before. I have a constant shadow of guilt hanging over me because I just feel less holy. I’m in the state of grace, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I just can’t pray or feel any connection to God. Does this happen to everyone? Is it because loving my husband has divided my heart?
 
Consider marriage as a school of virtue, understand that feeling of holiness is only a consolation that has been gifted from God, that when we grow in our faith such emotional consolations are not always necessary. A reward for holy obedience and spiritual devotion is for the young. Do not worry about feeling holy, you will continue to grow in holiness as you grow in your marriage. Also, urge your husband to pray with you, even if it is only fifteen minutes per day. Your heart is not divided, remember that if you miss a chance to pray that God has allowed you to serve others in a holy manner for love of Christ, this work can become prayer and devotion. Pax Christi!
 
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Personally I feel like I have a more fruitful spiritual life because of my spouse. I feel more connected to God in my marriage than I did when I was single.
 
St Francis de Sales wrote about how every state of life has its own holiness, or more precisely, we can be holy in any state of life.
For instance, a wife and mother with little children would actually be wrong to spend hours in church in prayer (because her kids and home would be unattended).
So, assuming that you are called to marriage, and your relationship is drawing you to God, and you are doing some praying every day (BTW, we are not given a set amount of time we must pray–it’s left to our best judgement, assuming our Mass obligations are fulfilled) it’s reasonable to assume that you need to spend time in nurturing your romantic relationship, or at least in spending time together so you can discern where your friendship is headed.
Good luck :+1:t2:
 
TotusTuusForever said:
Is it just me, or does marriage / a romantic relationship make your spiritual life less fruitful? Before I met my husband, I would pray for a least an hour a day. But, now I really struggle to have the same deep relationship with our Lord as before. I have a constant shadow of guilt hanging over me because I just feel less holy. I’m in the state of grace, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I just can’t pray or feel any connection to God. Does this happen to everyone? Is it because loving my husband has divided my heart?
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Do you have children?

I think that God calls us to far different types of passion, prayer and love during mariage.

I used to go to Daily Mass before work! I used to voulenteer and serve the poor. I used to be able to put on my musical rosary and listen while I cleaned the house.

Now when I wake I change diapers. I get breakfast for hungry little mouths that seem the size of hippos. I wipe faces and often tackle bums again. Then is time for cleaning and play and perhaps an outing and before we know it, it’s time to again fill the gaping maws.

And we do errands and play and we clean and then it’s nap time for the 4 foot and under club and I do freelance. Then up from naps and likely more cleaning of hinies and snack time and then trying to keep the injuries to a bare minimum while I cook dinner (usually from scratch to save money). Then is dinner and daddy time and relaxing time and then pj’s, “teeesh” and prayers and bed.

Then mommy has CAF time…because there are many, lovely adults and no children…or at least they are intelligble and don’t scream because you took the 3 inch screw from who-knows-where from them.

Yet in that there’s a deep and abiding prayer. There’s something rather mystic about joining into the prayer of all the mother and father saints as ordinary life happens.
 
It’s a great question. And obviously it’s not the 1st time it’s come up on Catholic answers. There is that Particular passage or passages in Paul’s letters I think it is in Corinthians where he talks about marriage and being single . But Those verses needs to be properly understood as well. You can most definitely become a Saint As a married person but perhaps you will be less likely to be canonized for it.
 
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I would give you 2 likes if I could! That is a wonderful post.
 
Try, when you can.
Feelings aren’t always an indication of holiness or of deep spiritual life.
Trying to pray as much as you can, when you can, is a better sign of 'holiness than when you pray and feel good about yourself because you are praying.
Praying when the feelings aren’t there is the greater prayer of faith and faithfulness.

Additionally, offer as prayer all those things you do for your loved one, remembering that Jeus said,
“Truly I say to you, Inasmuch as you have done it to one of the least of these my brothers, you have done it to me.” {Matthew 25:40)

As in your relationship with God, you will find as spouse and as parent, many times will come that you don’t have all the warm feelings when you do things for them, but to still do them willingly, even though it might be hard sometimes…that’s real love.
 
Bring married helps my spiritual life immensely. It’s a relief to be settled down with a good husband and not have to worry about sexual sin any more, or deal with all the hassles of relationships. My husband is pretty hassle-free and hangup-free which is a large reason why I married him. Many of the other men I have known were an endless drama factory. And I certainly don’t feel “less holy” for being rid of them!

It may be that you are just busy with your husband and don’t have the time to pray that you once did. Try setting aside a little time each day to pray, maybe together.
 
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Marriage is not the Cloister. There is a different emphasis in terms of the spiritual life. Your vocation is to live your marriage in a holy way and offer the daily struggles to God. Try reading the lives of the married Saints. St. Gianna Molla, The Parents of Theresa of Lieseux etc.

Few married people have the chance to devote hours to prayer every day. Especially when Children come along.

I’d be happy if I get the rosary and/or mass every other day. I also occasionally listen to a spiritual reading in the car. There are a few apps that you can get with “readings of the day” to meditate on.
 
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There are a few groups that do couples evenings of reflection and prayer. If you can find one of these it’s a good way to spend time together praying and also to meet other Catholic couples.
 
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