A friendship with romantic overtones

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Michael16

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I’m divorced without having an annulment. I’m interested in getting an annulment, btw. My question is: Would it be a sin if I were to be in a relationship with a woman, when we’re both attracted to each other; that’s just a friendship but we both want to date but don’t until my annulment happens?
 
There’s a million dollar question.

If it was me…I think I’d start on an annulment process immediately and at the same time consider how strong my grounds are for getting an annulment. But this would depend on how knowledgeable, analytical, and objective you are about the whole process. Being a single person, myself, I think a friendship is a wonderful thing in itself. I don’t see why a person could not put the “romantic” part on hold for awhile.
 
Well, my ex and I were married in an evangelical, non denominational church and I was a baptized, though not confirmed yet; Catholic. A Deacon once told me that I should be able to get an annulment.
 
Hi Michael, the first action would be to speak to your parish’s priest regarding your situation.
God bless you
 
Afaik, an individual who has not received a Church annulment is precluded from entering into romantic relationships, because you are considered to be still married to your spouse.
 
If you were a Catholic who married outside the Church without a dispensation, that marriage was invalid and you should be able to get a decree of nullity. Please do so before pursuing another romance, so as to be at peace.

I am not entirely sure what the difference is between these terms: a relationship, a friendship with romantic overtones, and dating; in your mind, and in the other person’s mind.
 
If that is the case, and you did not receive a dispensation from form, the annulment is pretty straightforward and should only take a few weeks. Why not just get it together and apply for the annulment? Then you will have peace of mind.
 
Thanks everybody for your replies. I got the annulment process today after speaking with my priest. God willing; I’ll get the annulment and then settle down with a nice Catholic woman.
 
If the Priest is worth his salt the first thing he should likely do is ask you whether you meant your vows in your first marriage and knew what you were doing I would think? Catholic marriage is for life.

If so you are not free to marry again unless:
(a) she is not validly baptised (b) your marriage was not validly obtained (d) there is a serious immaturity on the part of either her or yourself that meant you did not have what it takes to assume marriage responsibilities.

You seem to be approaching “marriage” (both your original and your next one) in some sort of mechanical, externalised purely legalistic manner without reflecting on what you covenanted to before God in the first place.

You may not be ready for a Catholic marriage - even if the first were to be annulled.
 
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Why do you say that? With my intention for a future marriage; I intend do things right this time?
 
We don’t easily escape our past without reflection on the cause - personality defects, if they are the cause, tend to keep repeating even with new friends…Catholic or not.

The reason your first marriage didn’t work - and your attitude to the issue - is crucial to this discernment process.
 
My marriage didn’t work because I was a mess. I was dealing with undiagnosed mental problems, I didn’t know myself and her very well ( We got pregnant; so I felt honor bound to marry her and she was pressured into it by her church ) and a general lack of maturity. It was a lot of spiritual warfare within myself at that time. These problems led to the divorce.
 
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Well that certainly makes more sense than “this time I will marry a Catholic girl” as if that alone is the magic silver bullet to getting it right next time.

So, as I guessed, the issue was you…and still could be you re the next marriage.
So if that one has any better chance of surviving you need more than an anullment dont you?

That is what I discerned from your posts. You still dont sound ready for marriage to me.

I am a marriage celebrant and prepared couples for marriage. My own advice to you is to take things slowly and dont get into committed relationships of any sort quickly. You sound like you are fast tracking things far too quickly and mechanically with little or no deep discernment re what went wrong for you previously.

How long ago was the break up?
Have you had any form of professional counselling to work through these not insignificant maturity and self-knowledge obstacles obviously related to the divorce?
 
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The divorce was finalized in 2015. Yes; I have been in therapy for my issues. It’s been helpful.
 
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I would suggest keeping your ‘friendship’ a true friendship that a married man could have with an adult female. Loads of other people and activities. No ‘company keeping’, no ‘one on one’ trips or dinners or movie nights.

For instance, my dh can attend parties or business functions without me, but he better not be having dinner with any of the women there to just “talk business” alone. Capiche?

BTW, my pastor during the pre-cana met with my fiance and myself one on one before declaring that the church could marry us. There in the office he asked me, and in turn my soon to be dh, if we were previously married or if we had mental or addiction issues. Or, and I thought this was odd, if I was feeling pressured to get married. (But some people do get pressured, such as the lady you ‘married’.) So, having those issues previously might just be a help in the examination.

Consider having a mass said for the lady you are interested in and your former ‘wife’. Both of these women need prayer.

I will pray for you and your petition. Hopefully it will not be difficult if you really were ‘not validly’ married.
 
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Michael16 said:
I’m divorced without having an annulment. I’m interested in getting an annulment, btw. My question is: Would it be a sin if I were to be in a relationship with a woman, when we’re both attracted to each other; that’s just a friendship but we both want to date but don’t until my annulment happens?
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Since an annulment isn’t something granted in every case it would be unwise to nurture a friendship like this. Mutual attraction is something that can grow and spending time together, texting, messaging all nurture this. If you continue as though you are free to marry but are not granted a decree of nullity, two hearts are likely to get broken. If you care about this woman you will guard her heart. Since you have this knowledge you need to guard your own as well.
 
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Bruised Reed; I’d like to thank you for what you said. Even though I brought up this topic as a hypothetical for the future; I’m glad I brought it up and for yours and Black Friar’s words. They hit things right on the head and caused me to do some discernment about things. Thank you Trishie for your words and prayers too 🙂 thank you egretps as well 🙂
 
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The OP attempted to contract the first “marriage” outside the Church… it isn’t presumed valid.
The annulment in such cases is purely administrative.
 
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I told my priest the situation and he’s having me fill out a petition form; so I’m assuming that it’s valid until the Church gives me a judgment. As for an affair: I don’t want to lead a woman into sin. Hence I’m seeking an annulment before such a situation occurs. God willing, I’ll get a decree of nullity.
 
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