A minor dilemma

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sarcophagus

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My Dh and I love each other very much, but recently he is unsatisfied, especially when it comes to our “love life”. Since becoming a catholic, I see certain issues in a different light…ie> masturbation, contraception. He looks at pornography, but since I voiced a disagreement with it, he no longer does…accept when he’s really tempted but then he deletes it from his computer and usually tells me that he downloaded it and that he is sorry. I know he masturbates. He recently asked me why I don’t. I told him because my beliefs are that it is wrong. He told me that it is “good for me” that it will help me with my headaches. This may be true, but I don’t do it. I told him that I would rather have that intimacy with him. He stopped pressing the issue. Our only problem is contraception. I stopped taking the pill because I didn’t like it. It made me feel controlled by a routine I hated. DH agreed that I shouldn’t take it if I’m not comfortable but he does not want to have sex with me unless he wears a condom. He wants to hold off on kids until I’m done school ( I wouldn’t mind it either…). I’ve expressed my concerns about this but he won’t move on this matter. I love him and want to share this love, but I can’t help but feel that I’m doing some wrong. He’s recently taken to calling me “frigid” in his sexual frustration. I want this to stop. I’m just wondering if it is truly wrong for me to be intimate with him even though I disagree with what he uses? Is this wrong?

Thanks
 
Call your parish and ask for material regarding Natural Family Planning. Or if you don’t want to talk to a live human being about it, go to Couple to Couple League to get the help you need.
 
Definitely find out about NFP right away. In the meantime, as long as you have made your position clear to him that you do not want to contracept, you can morally engage in the marital act with him even if he uses contraceptive measures (condoms).

Above all, pray for him and your marriage and definitely seek help from your priest.
 
Thanks Ham and Della, but do you have a passage from the catechism that supports that? I just wanna make sure it’s alright.

As for NFP, DH doesn’t think it works, and to be honest, I’m a little worried about it myself. I would be open to children, even now but DH believes that we have to be “financially stable”…

Thanks
 
You can look up the appropriate sections of the Catechism but most likely they will not cover this specific situation. The resolution comes by applying theological principles to the specific situation.

This question was covered in the Ask an Apologist section as well:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=61621

As for NFP, it is a little scary at first. In time, you will gain confidence and your mind will be set at ease by trusting in the Lord.

God Bless!
 
Thanks Rayne…that made me feel so much better!!! I pray for my husband all the time, that he may one day understand where I am coming from!!!
 
Hey, Sarc, keep in mind, and tell your husband, that NFP is “not yer father’s rhythm method.” As long as you have a regular cycle, it is just as effective as a condom, if not more so .

It does require some sacrifice - you abstain on the days you know, or think, or suspect that you’re fertile. (That’s in order from the fewest days - “know” - of abstaining to the most days - “suspect”.)

I’ve just ordered Christopher West’s book, Good news about Sex and Marriage, for me and my hubby. We’re starting RCIA on Tuesday. We are abstaining because I was “married” before, and we must live as brother and sister until my first marraige is declared to be null. I have been able to learn, respect, and come to love the Church’s teachings about sex - he hasn’t. (I think he’s been afraid to look into it for fear that “Catholic sex” might be something rather dry and prudish. I’ll let Christopher West tell him what’s what!)
Hang in there. I never knew how much love there is in the Church’s teachings on sex. WOW!
 
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Ruthie:
As long as you have a regular cycle, it is just as effective as a condom, if not more so .
Click to expand...
Even if you don’t have a regular cycle it can be very effective. We’ve been trained in the sympto-thermal method but have recently been considering the Creighton method. If your husband goes to class and has a somewhat open mind about it, there’s lots of good and helpful information. And the fact that your teachers are available for questions and to take charts to is reassuring. It can be a scary feeling, starting nfp, but it is absolutely worth it. And the more familiar you are with it the more comfortable you’ll feel.
 
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