A moral dilemma

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I will be speaking to a priest about this, but welcome all other (name removed by moderator)ut as well. My wife is divorcing me, there is no chance of reconciling with her. She is a teacher at a Catholic HS. Just over a year ago, I found sext messages on her phone, and it ended up that they were to/from a HS senior. I have since found out other information that I believe to be credible: she told another that she had sexual relations with a student, the football players at the school were pulled aside by a coach and told to stay away from her because she likes big guys, a student posted on Facebook that he had relations with her (although that post was taken down), and there are rumors of her having had another relationship with a student as well. All of this occurred not in the current school year, but last school year. I also believe that another female teacher has participated in similar activity with a student. My dilemma is that I have four young children (the oldest is in 8th grade) and as she is a teacher, if this is investigated and found to be true, I do not know the affect it will have on them as it will be in the news. I also feel that I have a responsibility to the families of the students that entrust their children to attend that school. If the message to the football players occurred, then at least some of the staff members at the school are covering things up. If not for my children, I would have notified someone already, although I do not know if I would have enough evidence for the police to investigate matters.
 
Wow, you have a problem on your hands, may God bless you with the wisdom to figure out what to do. Please consider what went on in our Church with some priests being protected for years from the abuses they committed. Consider what went on at Penn St and the outcome when discovered. One human being to another I do not feel you can morally keep this to yourself. Frankly, if a coach did say that because he was aware of misconduct by your wife with a student, he will be under fire also. If there is a lesson learned from prior events, children come first and need to be protected, not the adults in these situations. She already told you she had a relationship with a student, she has left you with no choice. Your sext messages will be enough evidence for the police.
 
I would suggest you follow your diocesan safe environment protocol and report what you have personally witnessed and what you have been told (but be prepared to name names of who told you). They will follow the trail and, if there is credible evidence, will involve authorities.
 
Unfortunately, at the time I was unable to save/forward the sext messages, so all that I have is my word on what they contained. The texts back and forth between numbers will be on the phone bill. This is one of approximately eight students (and one graduate from the year prior) that she texted with frequently over a six month period. It is also the only thread of texts that I actually was able to read, so I can imagine that the others contained similar verbiage, but she denied that (as she had denied other things).
 
I would agree and I have had the same thoughts regarding Penn State, the Church with priests, etc. My dilemma has been the possible affect on my children. Someday they would see that what I did was the right thing to do, but that day would be far off at their ages…
 
JoeDM said:
I would agree and I have had the same thoughts regarding Penn State, the Church with priests, etc. My dilemma has been the possible affect on my children. Someday they would see that what I did was the right thing to do, but that day would be far off at their ages…
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There is a real possibility of this happening and that you will have very unhappy children, scandals like this never go away. If you follow 1ke advice about going through the archdiocese safe protocol you may be able to remain anonymous. If what you believe is true it is only a matter of time before it ll comes out.
 
Joe, the above posters have offered some good advice that I think you should take.

I would also point out that you probably have both a moral and a legal responsibility to pass along any credible evidence you have. If she has abused multiple students, there will be others, and she must be stopped. Put yourself in the place of the parents of a future ‘conquest’. God forbid anything similiar happen to one of your children and other adults were aware of it and did nothing to stop it.

I will offer you and your children up in my prayers.
 
Thank you for everyone’s (name removed by moderator)ut so far. I believe that I have known all along what I need to do but need to strengthen my resolve to move forward and am unsure if I have enough evidence to warrant an investigation of some type.
 
As a former teacher, I will say this:

Teachers who engage into inappropriate relationships with students are a blight on the profession, and a danger to their students. They cannot be allowed to abuse their position or their students. Period.

You have a moral obligation to report whatever solid evidence you have (I.e. printed copies of phone records containing the offending messages. Facebook rumors do not count as solid evidence, btw.) Furthermore, as a parent, you have a duty to protect your children from the influence of anyone who thinks corrupting minors is ok, even if that person is their mother.

This is a terrible spot to be stuck in, but if you have solid evidence, I think your obligation is clear.
 
The BEST outcome here is for your wife to handle this appropriately by resigning. So I would not recommend immediately forcing the issue, although I might recommend giving her ultimatums.

Contra many posters above, it is not at all clear that your wife has broken the law. In many places, the age of consent is 16 or 17. Obviously, your wife has broken the trust of her profession and should not be allowed to teach again. She probably has an addiction, and we should extend mercy to her – a mercy that, in due course, makes her understand the severity of her actions. But I guarantee that she doesn’t now understand the severity of her actions, and going straight to the police is not going to help anything.

Go to school board (and possibly the police), if you confront her and she refuses to do anything.

And let me say something kind of hard: you have sat on this information for a year. I don’t know what you have previously done about it, but obviously not enough. I’m concerned that you are afraid to really confront her – and then all this talk about going to the authorities is a way to avoid the central issues in *your *relationship.

By all means, go to the authorities if she refuses to. But confront her very clearly and directly first with the mess that she is making of her (and your) life. If you respect her, even now, it will plant the seeds for her to repent – and THAT, more than anything, will protect teenagers from her in the future.
 
Wait a second! This thread is really old. Why did we revive it?

😦
 
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