A new Catholic (married) woman with a question about headcovering?

[qui_est_ce]

Infallible men who never misunderstand or misinterpret?

When I need to ask what God wants of me, I go to Him in prayer and meditation. No one else.

Miz

Dear Miz-
In all charity, I am extremely concerned about your lack of understanding about the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church teaches that the Pope and the Magesterium speak infallibly when speaking on matters of faith and morals. Many of our Church Doctrines were established in this manner. (Transubstantiation, Mary, mother of God, etc.). The Pope and the College of Cardinals are males. If you are unwilling to accept their Teaching, why are you converting to Catholicism?

Another problem I see is that of scandal. Someone discerning the Faith might take your post as a valid position allowed for Catholics.

I don’t want to take this thread off topic, but I strongly feel that this issue must be addressed.

 

[floresco]

I know you were responding to MelanieAnne, but I would like to respond to this for a couple of reasons. First, if my behavior were so distracting during Mass that someone was unable to fully participate, or if it led them to be so angry that they were in danger of unworthily receiving Communion, I would deeply regret that. Of course, that is not always within my control and some people are easily distracted or easily angered. But it is a responsibility for all of us to show some decorum at Mass, yet? And some people might interpret my actions as inflammatory, as if I were making a political statement in Mass.

This does not make sense to me. Why are you responsible if someone is so judgmental as to be upset by you covering your head? Besides, this second-guessing others’ reactions works both ways. What about all the people who will be edified by seeing a woman wearing a head-covering? (Personally, I feel very encouraged when I see a woman do this.) By not covering, you are depriving people like me of receiving Communion with extra joy and thankfulness. And what about the other women who want to cover but are too shy to do it if they are the only ones? They need your support.

You don’t really know what people are going to think about your head-covering. You can’t predict it and you can’t be responsible for it. You need to base this decision on what you (and your husband if you have one) discern God wants from you. If God is calling you to honour him by covering your head, then it does not matter if somebody is going to misinterpret it.

The early Christians were accused of being cannibals due to people misunderstanding the Eucharist. Should they have stopped having the Eucharist because of this?

 

[qui_est_ce]

This does not make sense to me. Why are you responsible if someone is so judgmental as to be upset by you covering your head? Besides, this second-guessing others’ reactions works both ways. What about all the people who will be edified by seeing a woman wearing a head-covering? (Personally, I feel very encouraged when I see a woman do this.) By not covering, you are depriving people like me of receiving Communion with extra joy and thankfulness. And what about the other women who want to cover but are too shy to do it if they are the only ones? They need your support.

I have found that when I worry about someone being judgmental, it’s actually I who is being judgmental. For a long time I had been wanting to receive on the tongue, but I worried that I might look holier than thou. Last year, on Corpus Christi, I finally took the plunge. I felt extremely awkward, even though I was raised that way. After a while, some mass-goers noticed (the ones who do receive on the tongue) and complimented me. I realize what held me back was I was judgmental of people who practiced receiving on the tongue, and that’s what held me back.

Now I notice more and more people receiving on the tongue!

 

[mommamaree]

What about all the people who will be edified by seeing a woman wearing a head-covering? And what about the other women who want to cover but are too shy to do it if they are the only ones? They need your support.

If God is calling you to honour him by covering your head, then it does not matter if somebody is going to misinterpret it.

The early Christians were accused of being cannibals due to people misunderstanding the Eucharist. Should they have stopped having the Eucharist because of this?

These are all good points to consider. Thanks.

 

[mommamaree]

I have found that when I worry about someone being judgmental, it’s actually I who is being judgmental.

This is a good point, but I am actually trying to guard against becoming judgemental. I have seen some rather judgemental comments against women who do not headcover during my short time here at CAF, and that has made me concerned that I might fall into the same wrong attitude. But then when I see an example of a women wearing a mantilla (on TV, still haven’t seen it in real life yet) I think it is beautiful. I am not judgemental against the veil (as you mentioned you might have been against receiving on the tongue), rather I am concerned about becoming prideful and condescending. But then, I have always worried about being prideful to the point where my husband has to set me straight a bit. He believes that I am not prideful, rather just the opposite. But a fear of hubris is something that I have struggled with spiritually all my life. Maybe because I highly value the traits of humility and gentleness when I observe it in Christian women? That, and I tend to be extremely analytical, and I thoroughly explore something before diving in. There is no toe-dip to test the waters for this chick! I either do or I do not, with a whole heart. Which is why I am here exploring this, all the potential pitfalls and possible ramifications…

 

[MelanieAnne]

Here is one thing that occurred to me about this topic of covering my head ~ when I was a teenager (a very long time ago!) and was fortunate enough to be able to visit Italy and go into St. Peter’s in Rome, I would not have dreamed of entering without covering my head. Of course, at that time, every female would have done the same.

Were I so fortunate to again be able to go, I would do the same. I would not dream of entering St. Peter’s without covering my head. If that’s so, and God is just as present at St. Bonaventure’s where I go as He is at St. Peter’s, then it would appear that I am the one with the problem if I would feel uncomfortable NOT covering my head in one place yet feel uncomfortable if I DID cover my head in the other.

Something to wrestle with.

 

[doanli]

Interesting thread, ladies.

I’d like to ask a question:

Wouldn’t worrying about what other people think be a form of vanity?

I love hats too— wish we could have a wonderful variety of hats like you see in the UK. (As long as it doesn’t call too much attention to yourself?)

 

[mommamaree]

Wouldn’t worrying about what other people think be a form of vanity?

Yes! It would be vanity. Which is why I am not currently wearing a veil in church…because I can go to church with my head uncovered and not even have a passing thought of what other people think, since NO ONE is headcovering in my parish. If I were to begin wearing veils, however, I would most certainly stand out (our parish is extremely casual…I saw a guy wearing shorts and flipflop sandals last Sunday ). I don’t want to prematurely adopt a spiritual practice that would lead me into vanity, because my heart and mind are not prepared or mature enough. That doesn’t take away from my interest however!

 

[floresco]

. But then, I have always worried about being prideful to the point where my husband has to set me straight a bit.

Does your husband think you are in danger of being prideful about veiling? It sounds like might have a better sense of this than you do.

 

[mommamaree]

Does your husband think you are in danger of being prideful about veiling? It sounds like might have a better sense of this than you do.

Actually, he would rather I not veil simply because he has seen no other women doing this, and he tends to be quite egalitarian (in the good way) in his viewpoints. He doesn’t want me to feel inferior as a woman and from his perspective veiling has connections to oppression of women. On the other hand, if I really felt led to do this, rather than merely being really curious about it, he would support me.
So, to answer your question, no, he does not worry about me being prideful about veiling.

 

[floresco]

Yes! It would be vanity. Which is why I am not currently wearing a veil in church…because I can go to church with my head uncovered and not even have a passing thought of what other people think, since NO ONE is headcovering in my parish. If I were to begin wearing veils, however, I would most certainly stand out (our parish is extremely casual…I saw a guy wearing shorts and flipflop sandals last Sunday ). I don’t want to prematurely adopt a spiritual practice that would lead me into vanity, because my heart and mind are not prepared or mature enough. That doesn’t take away from my interest however!

You could probably find hats or scarves to wear that would not stand out. While the wearing lace veil is identifiable as a religious practice, normal scarves could just be fashion. Nobody but you and your husband and God would know that you were doing it for God. I think this might address your concerns about pride and vanity.

 

[floresco]

So, to answer your question, no, he does not worry about me being prideful about veiling.

He is probably right.

 

[Miserys_Fence]

PilgrimToChrist -
I understand your concerns, but these matters are for Misery to discern with her priest. The tone of your questioning here does not seem very charitable. I think we can offer Misery better than this; indeed, if she is to someday become confirmed in the Church, we owe it to her to offer her explanations for her to consider and challenges for her to ponder, so that the Holy Spirit can lead her to the Truth. It is not our responsibility to judge her in her difficulties with trusting authority. I so understand where she is right now, and it took a huge leap of faith for me to surrender and believe, and that leap of faith came for me when the Holy Spirit prepared my heart and mind for it. In fact, for me it took a miscarriage and a desire to learn about healthy sexuality that sent me running to the Church because of the beautiful and wondrous vision they have been trusted with transmitting of what God considers we finite human beings capable. It was that beauty after despair that drew me in, not anyone’s aggressive challenges. You know what I am saying?

Thank you, Maree, for your kind words, positive attitude, and support. I also wish to thank another poster—whose ID I will not mention here—who has contacted me privately with support and wise advice.

That said, I will be leaving this site shortly, after contacting a few online friends. My presence here is obviously disturbing to a number of you, and quite frankly this discussion is doing nothing at all to further my faith. So no one is prospering by my continued participation on these forums.

Despite your best efforts to sway me otherwise, I am still very much Catholic at heart. Someone–probably several of you; this is a long thread and I can’t remember who posted what–said I didn’t “accept” Catholic teachings, which is incorrect. “Accepting” and “believing in” aren’t the same (don’t bother to post your arguments that they are; I won’t be back to read them). I accept the Church’s position on the infallibility (in matters of faith) of the Pope. But I am a scientist, logical, skeptical, distrusting, and I need more than what I have been given so far to truly believe it. I truly hope that someday I will. I know that “blessed are those who have not seen, yet believe,” but I also know that the people most likely to be deceived are those who blindly accept whatever they’re told. (A little food for thought for those of you who accused me of being “misled by the devil.”)

My priest actually relishes the tough questions, the disbelief, the ensuing lively discussions. He never condemns, but offers understanding, support, and practical advice to deepen my faith, just as Maree and my anonymous friend have done. He has never, ever told me I’d be better off not becoming Catholic, as several of you have broadly hinted. Maybe I was expecting too much.

Blessings to you all on your respective journeys.

Miz

 

[Lazarette]

A quick note that there have been one or two teachings that I accepted before understanding and believing them, so I do understand that statement.

I missed the discussion here, but hope you don’t leave CAF as I’d enjoy another discussion.

 

[PilgrimToChrist]

That said, I will be leaving this site shortly, after contacting a few online friends. My presence here is obviously disturbing to a number of you, and quite frankly this discussion is doing nothing at all to further my faith. So no one is prospering by my continued participation on these forums.

Apologies. Another poster took me to task on my question to you: that if you don’t believe in the Bible, why are you Christian? To me, that’s an important part of being Christian because it’s the only written link we have to this man who claimed to be God and, if we believe the Biblical accounts, (unlike anyone else who has claimed to be God) He proved it. So if you don’t believe the Bible is true, what does it mean to be a Christian?

He has never, ever told me I’d be better off not becoming Catholic, as several of you have broadly hinted.

I don’t think anyone has said that you would be better off not becoming Catholic, but rather that you should seek to understand and believe the Church’s claims as true, including the Divine inspiration of the Bible. Keep talking to your priest and praying for the Grace to see the Truth.