a painful time...

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lovecatholic

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I ask for your prayers for my husband and I. My husband is a fallen away Catholic, for about 5 years now. He became Catholic before we got married, and then fell away from the Church about a year later or so. Anyway, we moved about a year ago to a small town in another state, and I was very hopeful that he might return to the Church then, with a new parish, new change of scenery, etc. But so far it hasn’t happened. Anyway, the bishop is coming to our parish before long, for an anniversary celebration of the local parish/church, and also for a groundbreaking ceremony for a building project and a catered dinner afterwards. We are supposed to RSVP how many people from our family will be coming. I spoke to my husband about it today, hoping with all my might that he would agree to go to the dinner. He said he didn’t want to go. And now my heart is broken. Maybe I’m making too big of a deal out of this, but the pain I feel cuts very deep inside. I was so hopeful that he might go. To me, the bishop coming to our local church is very exciting. So, I told him I still plan to go. However, it is very painful to me to attend alone, without my husband. We have not lived here that long - I work full-time and attend graduate school part-time, so barely am able to keep my head above water, let alone meet many people in our parish. Plus, I am not very outgoing and it is hard for me to talk to people I don’t know. So, I feel very very sad at the prospect of having to attend alone, feeling even more out of place since I’m new to the area and know very few people, etc… please pray for me… and any “words of wisdom” are welcome! 🙂
 
I can somewhat relate. My husband became Catholic, and goes to Mass if I go. However, he complains about the sound system, the pews, etc. every time we attend. It is often more pleasant, actually, for me to go without him. I suspect his attitude has something to do with the fact that our grown kids tend not to take their religion very seriously.OTOH, I hope that something rubs off or that he participates somehow more than is obvious. This has been on my mind a lot recently. The most productive thought I can come up with right now is that the situation is part of the cross Jesus expects me to bear, and so I will. He uses our suffering in ways we cannot understand.
 
It may be that he needs someone, besides you, to talk with about his faith walk (or stumbel, or crawl…). Perhaps another man; you might check out the K of C group, if there is one at your church, to see if there is someone who might, in the future, befriend your husband.

Without knowing more, it is hard to answer; I don’t know what your husband was beofre he converted, or why he converted, or why he quit.

As to being in a group: don’t talk; ask questions. Be curious about the other person; when they feed you a bit of information, be curious about it; ask more questions. People love to talk about themselves when someone will actually listen to them. You can make many friends by being interested in who they are, what they are like, etc.

and if you don’t like talking about yourself, if they ask you a question, give them the short answer and before you take a breath, ask them more about themselves.

Works almost every time.

Other than that, pray. God listens.
 
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katy:
I can somewhat relate. My husband became Catholic, and goes to Mass if I go. However, he complains about the sound system, the pews, etc. every time we attend. It is often more pleasant, actually, for me to go without him. I suspect his attitude has something to do with the fact that our grown kids tend not to take their religion very seriously.OTOH, I hope that something rubs off or that he participates somehow more than is obvious. This has been on my mind a lot recently. The most productive thought I can come up with right now is that the situation is part of the cross Jesus expects me to bear, and so I will. He uses our suffering in ways we cannot understand.
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What is OTOH? Never seen it before, but guessing it’s on the other hand? (don’t want to assume anything though!) Thanks!
 
One good practice is to negotiate a bit on circumstances where one spouse is expected to show the flag whether or not he or she “wants” to. Marriage is often about doing things together that only one wants to do–it’s an important way the relationship can grow. I am a guy, and I would never have voluntarily gone to ballroom dancing without a little “pressure” and negotiation. Guess what? The dance class was actually pretty fun!
 
I am so sorry. I understand your situation.

The best you can do is to remain faithful, to the Church and to your husband and marriage. You will never regret being faithful. Your husband is in a different place in his spiritual journey. Love for you led him to the Church, and now he has strayed from the path. But he can come back. He can find his way back by your love and example.

If you let this divide you, and become a huge issue that you dwell on, you won’t have any happiness. Since you’re shy and short of time, join a small group at your parish–a rosary or prayer group, or sponsor someone for RCIA. You do not have to do this as a couple. There must be other things you can do as a couple.

It may take years. Do you want to spend those years miserable and feeling sorry for yourself, or do you want to find joy? You have to choose. It is hard to accept your husband where he is right now, but if you continue to love him, and continue to be an instrument of the Holy Spirit for your husband, you will find your faithfulness rewarded.
 
I agree with the other posters - be patient and pray. My husband tends to “go through the motions” of going to Mass, and often complains about the priest, sound system, other people - I do tend to prefer to go without him. But, it is nice to know that someday, someone or something will rub off on him. It’s a tough road, I too worry and pray a lot - I have come to realize that’s all I can do, because pushing him will push him in the wrong direction.
 
This seems to be a rather common situation. Has anyone with knowledge of marriage and its course over time addressed this kind of difficulty? How does one partner manage when the other is not all that interested?
 
I will pray for you and your husband.
My fiance (who I am marrying on Sept 16… yes! next week) and I do not attend Mass regularly together. I have prayed over the last year that his heart be opened to attending Mass with me. He and I work retail, so sometimes our schedules prevent us from attending together, and I, sadly, struggle for some reason to make Mass every week myself (due to laziness… bad bad bad…I am going to confession tomorrow)
Ray of hope: during our pre marital counseling, on more than one occasion Chris admitted that he would like to attend Mass regularly… I attribute this to my prayers to Father/Son/HolySpirit and thru the intercession of our Blessed Mother for this wonderful news!
I don’t expect an immediate answer to my prayers, I am being patient and continue to ask God to help us with this issue.
 
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