A Protestant Discerning?

[TruthInvesti]

This is going to be a bit of a wild story.

I’m a Protestant currently in RCIA. I’m not certain if I’ll enter the church this Easter, as I still have a bit to work through. But just about every other day, I pray and study the faith in an adoration chapel to discern God’s will for my life since I now believe in the Real Presence. Months ago I started seeing a Catholic girl who I’ve known for years and we have fallen in love. We are absolute best friends and she’s a wonderful person. But things got a little out of hand and we overstepped some boundaries. Around this time, I began praying in the chapel that God would show me what I needed to give up in order to completely discern his will and I repented of my sin as well. In response, it seemed that God was indicating that I needed to give up the girl and oddly enough I felt that I was being called to the priesthood. I understand this is bizarre: I’m not catholic at the moment, I’m unsure if I will be this Easter, and so I have no idea how that feeling could be legitimate. But I was so struck with the reality of the call, that I stormed out of the chapel in distress and frustration. The next couple times I was with the girl, I felt overwhelmingly distressed/guilty? It’s hard to describe the feeling. Even while talking with her over the phone, I’d experience intense anguish. In fact, I would experience an intense burning in my soul that felt as if I was making someone jealous. As a result, I promptly set boundaries with her regarding intimacy, I talked to her about what I had been experiencing, and things seemed to get a little better. However, a distressing feeling remained at times, yet oddly I seemed more at peace when I was with her than when I wasn’t. I have been so perplexed with the situation that I talked with some of my good friends that are attending a catholic seminary, as well as with a respected priest in the community. Interestingly, all of the individuals recommended continuing the relationship for now and noted that considering the priesthood is something I’m spiritually incapable of doing at the moment since I’m Protestant. I understand that perspective and I’m normally a very rational person, but this situation and my anxiety has me in a complete mess. It seems I’m only at peace when I’m willing to let go of the girl, and sadly as a result it seems that my feelings for the girl have diminished or been suppressed in response. This is a woman I would no doubt marry, we both feel the same way as a matter of fact. If it doesn’t work out with her, I can’t see it working out with anyone else. I’m confused as to what the proper course of action is. As a side note, before we began seeing each other, I had fallen so head over heels for her that I prayed often that I would be able to be with her, but problematically I distinctly remember also praying that I would be able to be with her even if it wasn’t God’s will. Dumbest thing I’ve ever prayed. I think it was more of me just being honest about my feelings with God or asking him to adjust his will. I’ve repented for doing that and I can’t tell if this all penance for that or what. But I thought that might be relevant. God bless.

 

[nunsuch]

Why don’t you try an actual “Hail Mary” (the prayer)?

I think you need to slow down. Yes, you need to repent of whatever overstepping of boundaries you and this woman engaged in–and this would be the case as a Catholic or as any Christian. As for whether or not you are called to priesthood, this is not a matter for you alone to decide. Any religious order or diocese would have you wait at least 2 or 3 years after becoming Catholic before you would even be considered to begin the process. Meanwhile, you say you are not even sure you will be entering the Church this coming Easter?

If you are in RCIA, I would recommend that you have a serious conversation with the priest in your parish–this would be a good and constructive first step.

 

[tafan2]

I know a priest who is a convert and he says he was fairly sure he would be a priest while he was still in RCIA. But his situation was not as complicated as yours. Yes, a vocational call can happen before one becomes a Catholic, but as @nunsuch says: slow down and visit with your priest.

 

[TruthInvesti]

Yeah I understand the slow down advice but it’s not really something I’m in control of. I don’t want any of this lol I didn’t even want to convert. But I think it’s probably true, so I’ll have to. I mean I got my degree in Baptist theology. It’s been a wild ride. And yeah I’ve been praying some real Hail Marys haha if it keeps up, I’ll talk to another priest.

 

[OurLadyofSorrows]

Appealing to the internet is now my “Hail Mary”

What does this mean. ?
I think your best course of action is to continue RCIA and attend Mass and Adoration as often as you can. Be still, calm, peaceful and prayerful.
I also believe a heart to heart with your Girlfriend about how you feel is an honest and good approach.
It is not fair on her to be harbouring all this, and she may be looking at the relationship in a very serious manner.

 

[TruthInvesti]

Thanks. It’s just a play on words. And yeah I’m keeping her in the loop.

 

[Lenny]

You have three very big decisions that all have implications regarding each other, and ultimately, it can be either an easy decision, if you are able to put our full confidence in Christ, or a very difficult one as the devil meddles herin.
One thing to note, diamonds are formed under pressure.
I recommend that you consider this video to help you.

 

[TruthInvesti]

Thanks! Much to ponder

 

[TomH1]

What I think you need to do is speak to a good spiritual director.