A question about adultery of the heart

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TwinqlHaami

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If someone has committed adult in the heart on many occasions, and prays to God earnestly for forgiveness, is confessing to their partner their adultery of the heart required?
 
Even adultery of the heart committed while in the relationship?
 
You’re not even required to tell your partner if you committed physical adultery, much less “adultery of the heart”.
 
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Could someone be a good and loyal girlfriend after doing adultery of the heart a lot? Could someone become the ideal they want to be
 
All that God says about sexual purity, he says out of love for us. He knows what a powerful force sex can be in our lives, either powerfully good, or powerfully bad. Pray for sexual purity - not just In your actions, but in your thought life (where nobody but God sees) as well. In the midst of all my own struggles, I felt like God was challenging me by saying, if you are unrestrained in your thought life, what are you going to do if a moment of real temptation comes? I also earnestly prayed (countless times) for holiness even in my sexuality. Honestly, chastity is such a beautiful and powerful force for good, and it is much neglected in our world. God knows what he’s talking about, even in this area of life. The rules are not there to make you feel guilty or bad about yourself. The rules are there to lead you to freedom.
 
0Scarlett_nidiyilii said:
You can’t commit adultery if you’re not married.
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Only one need be married.

Catechism
2380 Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations - even transient ones - they commit adultery. Christ condemns even adultery of mere desire. …
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Well, if one is looking for a way to get the spouse to file for divorce, one might reveal such matters… 🤣

What usually drives this question (as you are not the first to ever ask it) is a confusion between being forgiven in confession but still feeling guilty, and wanting the spouse to be magnanimous and build up your ego. In short it is a very selfish form of manipulation of the spouse, whether it is hoped for or actually sought by telling them.

If you have had these issues and don’t get what I am saying, let me spin it around: how would you feel if your best came to you and confessed that they had secretly and in their heart committed adultery with your spouse multiple times?
 
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1ke said:
What part of never is unclear?
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🤣 🤣 🤣 Reminds me of a comment made to my twin daughters more than on a rare occasion: “What part of the word ‘No’ don’t you understand? I will be happy to explain it to you.”
 
ltwin said:
We’re not? Is this a Catholic teaching? That kind of surprises me.
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Catholic confession is between the penitent and the priest hearing the confession, under seal. The priest (and by extension, the Church) cannot require you to disclose your sin to a third party in order to receive absolution.

This has been discussed before in many, many other forum threads.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Catholic confession is between the penitent and the priest hearing the confession, under seal. The priest (and by extension, the Church) cannot require you to disclose your sin to a third party in order to receive absolution.
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I understand that. My confusion isn’t about God’s forgiveness but about our moral obligation to seek forgiveness from others who we have wronged. If a person commits actual adultery (excluding “adultery of the heart”), should they not confess to their spouse and ask forgiveness any way? Is the offense not made worse by hiding it?
 
ltwin said:
I understand that. My confusion isn’t about God’s forgiveness but about our moral obligation to seek forgiveness from others who we have wronged. If a person commits actual adultery (excluding “adultery of the heart”), should they not confess to their spouse and ask forgiveness any way? Is the offense not made worse by hiding it?
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The Church doesn’t impose on us a “moral obligation to seek forgiveness from others who we have wronged”. Confession is about telling our sins to God and getting God’s forgiveness. It’s not a 12-step program. If a person feels a need to go tell a third party (spouse, boss, parents, etc) his sin, then it’s his own choice. He could also choose not to reveal the sin to the third party for fear it might make a bad situation worse.

We do have some obligation to make reparation for our sins, but this can be done anonymously or without revealing that we sinned. The priest cannot require us to do anything that would reveal our sin to a third party.

As for “should they just not confess to the spouse”, again we’ve had multiple threads on this. While I was the type who told my spouse everything and expected him to do the same in return, there are couples who have told each other they don’t want to know, or one has threatened to walk out if the other spouse ever does X. Depending on the people and the situation, it might or might not be a good decision for you to tell your spouse. The priest cannot require you to tell your spouse. Each person makes the decision on their own.
 
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