A question on dating

[Lady_of_Shalott]

Just curious…how would a young Catholic be directed to behave towards a Protestant he or she wanted to date/marry? Would they be encouraged to pursue a romantic relationship with a Protestant, or told to instead pursue a fellow Catholic? And, does marriage with a Protestant result in a Catholic being kicked out of the Church?

 

[Cherub]

Lady of Shalott:

Just curious…how would a young Catholic be directed to behave towards a Protestant he or she wanted to date/marry? Would they be encouraged to pursue a romantic relationship with a Protestant, or told to instead pursue a fellow Catholic? And, does marriage with a Protestant result in a Catholic being kicked out of the Church?

Marrying a Protestant is not forbidden, but neither is it encouraged. A Catholic will promise to keep the relationship at all times open to life, and will also promise to raise the children in the Catholic Church; some Protestants are okay about being open to life, while others are not – and any Protestant willing to sacrifice the eternal fate of his children by agreeing to let them be raised in another faith is probably not a good choice.

P.S. – Marrying a Protestant doesn’t get a Catholic thrown out of the Church. If permission is granted ahead of time, the wedding can even be done by a Catholic priest. I can’t imagine a devout Catholic going through with a wedding without involving the Church.

 

[kepha1]

Mixed marriages have a 95% chance of suffering the agony of a divorce. It up on the stress scale close to the death of a child. It’s messy and painful.

Catholics have no business dating non-Catholics. But the Church does not dictate who you should “fall in love” with, and is very accomodating. But I have heard of some priests who refuse to officiate a mixed marriage.

catholic.com/chastity/pure_love.asp

familylifecenter.net/frameIndex.asp?link=html/courtship/resources.htm

intermirifica.org/ecu.html#4c

And no, since you will be married in the Church anyway, or have your priest present at his church to co-officiate, you cannot be kicked out of the Church. If you are Catholic, and marry outside of the Church, you are still not kicked out, you just cannot receive the sacraments.

 

[Sanveann]

Kepha, where did you get those statistics? That’s a new one to me.

I personally have never heard of a priest refusing to officiate a mixed marriage – not saying it hasn’t happened, of course, but I certainly haven’t encountered anyone who’s had this prob. You do need a dispensation from the bishop, I believe, to wed a non-Catholic in the Catholic Church. (I don’t believe these are hard to get).

I personally married a non-religious man. I love my husband with all my heart, but I do wish that we could share our faith. In some ways, that would be much easier with a Protestant, and in some ways it would be much harder. I dated a couple of Protestant guys, and I found that some of them found Catholic practices downright “idolatrous,” and a lot of arguments resulted.

If at all possible, I would encourage you to look inside the Church for a husband. There are some excellent Catholic dating sites out there.

 

[JeffreyGerard]

Cherub:

Marrying a Protestant is not forbidden, but neither is it encouraged. A Catholic will promise to keep the relationship at all times open to life, and will also promise to raise the children in the Catholic Church; some Protestants are okay about being open to life, while others are not – and any Protestant willing to sacrifice the eternal fate of his children by agreeing to let them be raised in another faith is probably not a good choice.

Baloney.

Depending on the protestant individual, sometimes they are
moved by the Holy Spirit to embrace Catholicism for their
children even though they can not square Catholicism in
their own mind for themselves at the current time.

Remember, one of the reasons people get married in the
Church is because they desire Heaven for each other. A
Protestant can be fully aware that in order for a Catholic
spouse to achieve Heaven, the Catholic spouse must
agree to do certain things dictated by Holy Church.

The key issues are communication and disclosure of all
things *prior *to the marriage. Make it clear to the other
party what you as a Catholic have to do.

 

[Bobby_Jim]

kepha1:

Mixed marriages have a 95% chance of suffering the agony of a divorce. It up on the stress scale close to the death of a child. It’s messy and painful.

I’ve not heard this stat before… however, I have heard that divorce rates are very high for couples where one spouse doesn’t respect the others’ religious beliefs, or where the spouses have very different levels of interest in religion, regardless of the specific faith - e.g. a devout, practicing Catholic and a nominal Catholic will have a lot of trouble despite (nominally) being of the same faith. Basically, if one spouse doesn’t understand or even care to understand why the other spouse goes off to church on Sunday mornings, prays every day, tries to live a moral life, etc., or even worse, one spouse ridicules or belittles the other for doing that stuff, there will be problems. I can forsee similar difficulties if, e.g. a Catholic marries a Protestant who has some anti-Catholic leanings - neither spouse is particularly going to respect how the other worships on Sunday. And such a situation I’m sure is confusing and difficult for kids. That is not to deny that it can and does work in some cases, or to deny the possibility of future conversion. But one shouldn’t get married just assuming that “all we need is love”, or assuming that “someday he’ll come around” or whatever.

 

[kage_ar]

Marriage is hard enough - why add differences in faith? There will be times when common faith is all that you have. These do work out sometimes, but, people win the lottery sometimes, too. Missionary dating is not the best idea…

 

[Donna_P]

Catholics have no business dating non-Catholics.

That’s a little harsh. While I agree that a mixed marriage is very difficult when a devout Catholic is involved and the other person won’t join the Catholic faith, we were given free will by GOD.

God Bless,
Donna

 

[nick908]

My CCD instructor one year told his he married a protestant. The Husband and Wife agreed that they would raise one child to be protestant and one to catholic. I found this rather disturbing to think someone would actually want to seperate their family like this.

 

[Ghosty]

I find it disturbing that a Catholic would want to raise their child Protestant at all, honestly.

If your partner is willing to respect your faith, and respect your obligation to raise your children Catholic, I can see how it would work. If they aren’t willing to accept your obligation, or have contrary obligations, then you could run into some real problems down the line. I recently broke up with someone who was not very open to my faith at all, and it was quite a trial.