A question on regular confessors and/or spiritual directors

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Hi! Just a short and random question here, but for those who have/had priests as spiritual director and regular confessors, how often were the meetings? And did you have to explicitly ask the priests to be your spiritual director, or was it somehow merged with his role as your confessor?

Also, under what circumstances should one not seek out a spiritual director and/or a regular confessor (apart from some glaringly obvious cases of sexual abuse)? I see that CAF has a lot of threads on good reasons to have an sd/regular confessor, but it’s a bit hard to find the stories on the other side of the coin (except one of my previous threads).
 
I would ask him: “I would like to be followed spiritually by you, could you?” or something like that.

But if one always confesses to that priest, and speaks with him, it can also be taken for granted.

There is no rule.

For the other question, in my opinion, a spiritual director is to be abandoned if he denies some part of the Magisterium, or if he insists a million times to present certain personal opinions as unavoidable and indisputable (what type of work you should do, or volunteering, whether to move home and where, which sports to practice, which books to read absolutely beyond the spiritual ones, etc.)
 
Do you mean by the priest asking you irrelevant personal questions, or imposing on you a lifestyle that is beyond the spiritual aspects?

Thanks for the tip regarding my first part of the question!
 
I meet with my SD (who also is my confessor) about every six weeks, but I think the frequency of the meeting really depends on the particular situations. I function as a SD myself and I meet with the persons I accompany anywhere between once a month and twice a year.

I did explicitly ask him.
 
Twice a year? Is this because the person you’re directing is quite advanced in his/her spiritual growth and development?
 
melvfe said:
Do you mean by the priest asking you irrelevant personal questions, or imposing on you a lifestyle that is beyond the spiritual aspects?

Thanks for the tip regarding my first part of the question!
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Both aspects, if they are usual features of that priest, and if we find ourselves uncomfortable every time for that reason.

You’re welcome!
 
I had a priest I was meeting with for a few sessions, biweekly I think, per his suggestion. He was a great person, he gave me some good ideas, but our conversations always felt awkward - we just didn’t “click” personality-wise.

I think every situation (meeting frequency and whether or not the two people are a good fit) are going to be about as unique as people can be.
 
melvfe said:
Is this because the person you’re directing is quite advanced in his/her spiritual growth and development?
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Actually - and that’s the humbling thing about spiritual direction - I’d say most people I meet with are more experienced than I am in spiritual life.

Different people simply have different needs. Some go through a life or faith crisis and prefer frequent meetings, some just want someone to talk to about what’s going on in their lives from time to time, some like to discuss more theological questions, some are mostly happy doing their own thing on their own and just want to stop and discuss where they’re at once in a while…
 
melvfe said:
And did you have to explicitly ask the priests to be your spiritual director, or was it somehow merged with his role as your confessor?
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Confession and spiritual direction aren’t the same thing. Spiritual direction isn’t the purpose of confession. Also, priests generally do not have time to do spiritual direction for someone in confession.
If you are seeking to meet with a priest for spiritual direction, it’s best to ask him. He may say no because he doesn’t feel he can or should take on that kind of role for some reason. He may refer you to someone else for the spiritual direction. But he would probably still be able to hear your confessions.
Also, under what circumstances should one not seek out a spiritual director and/or a regular confessor
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Having a regular confessor is usually just a matter of a person choosing to go to the same priest regularly for confession. Often a person just goes to their parish priest because it’s convenient, he’s there every Saturday, etc. It’s fine to choose to do this if it’s practical - like, the priest is going to be around hearing confessions regularly at a time when you go to confession regularly. Obviously if he’s 50 miles away from you or isn’t able to hear confessions regularly because he’s traveling, chronically ill etc then you shouldn’t plan on him being a regular confessor. Folks with regular confessors should also be open to the idea of going to another priest for confession if their regular confessor becomes unavailable (travel, illness, him getting transferred, you moving away etc).

Regarding when you should not have a spiritual director, sometimes you might have a personality conflict with the spiritual director, or he doesn’t meet your expectations, such as he doesn’t have the time to meet with you regularly, or he is giving direction that you don’t understand. In those cases it would be better to seek out another spiritual director.
 
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I have had the same priest as my spiritual director for 12 years. When I first began meeting with him it was appointments for confession and the SD relationship did grow from confession. I met him in his office for confession and we had a scheduled time so I was not taking extra time in a confessional with a line of people behind me.

At first we met once a month then as time passed we began meeting less frequently. At this point I meet with him once every three months and I have a different priest who is my regular confessor.
 
To find my last spiritual director, I spoke to my pastor and told him that I wanted a spiritual director. My pastor prayed on it, and then gave me the name of a priest to call.

I met with my spiritual director approx once every 2 weeks.

However, one of my spiritual director’s rules was that he did not want to be my confessor because he felt it could complicate things because of the Seal of Confession. His view was that a good spiritual director should not be your confessor.
 
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In a perfect world every Catholic has a spiritual director, makes a retreat every year and explores the many spiritualities of the Church until they find what fits them.

I’ve simply asked those who I’d like to be my spiritual directors. Sometimes priests, other religious, each has helped me to grow in faith
 
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