A recount of my poor behavior, and the humbling lesson I learned from it

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Ophelia23

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This weekend at Mass, a beautiful young Catholic family came in. I couldn’t help but notice them as they sat down near to us. The mother, carrying an infant in an infant seat, was well put together with lovely clothes, modest coverings and a mantilla. The father was equally well dressed in a suit. The two young boys, maybe 3 and 2, were also dressed in little suits. This beautiful mother knelt down and prayed silently while her children sat, equally silent. The father held the hands of each of his sons.

I looked down at myself and felt ashamed. I saw my maternity pants, my big comfy shoes, I felt my uncovered head and thought how I should have spent more time on my hair. My little 3 year old girl was not sitting still; no, she was dancing to herself. Wiggling. She was quiet, she wasn’t throwing her arms about or being too noticeable, but definitely moving. I tried to calm her to be still, but I simply could not get her to sit. Mass began, and she was singing along with the music with her own words, dancing to herself when the Alleluia was sung, whispering questions in my ear about “Why is Father Mark doing…” or “What’s that…?” These other children sat silent. I was not upset; I am happy to quietly answer her questions. I have always felt that telling her what was happening has helped her to focus on it. But there I was, a mother who loves her husband and her child with all of her heart, a mother who has brought my child to Mass every week since she was 4 days old and never missed a single one, a mother who loves and worships our God, and suddenly I was a mother who was comparing her family to another. Comparing myself to that lovely woman who was so silent and pretty. Comparing my child to her children, who sat so calm and still. How unfair of me! How utterly unfair of me.

I knelt after Mass in prayer for a few minutes trying to reconcile my conflicted thoughts. Judgement. Guilt. Sorrow for being occasionally distracted at the Mass. My husband turned to me and whispered, “That is how she should behave at Mass. We need to figure out what we are doing wrong.” …I felt even worse after hearing that.

We left the Church after exchanging pleasantries with Father. As I was loading my sweet girl into the car, she began giggling uncontrollably. I smiled and giggled back and asked her what was so funny. She looked at me, this 3 year old girl, and said, “I love God, mama! I’m so happy we come to Church. God makes me happy. And he made you, and he made me, and he made papa, and he made the cat, and he made my baby sister who’s coming…”

I was instantly humbled as it was all put into perspective. Should I continue to teach my daughter how to behave at Mass? Absolutely. Should I continue to encourage her to pray, to learn, to love and to grow? Without a doubt. But should I ever doubt God’s presence within us? No! Yes, she is wiggly. She is a dancing, giggling, talking little girl. A little girl who is so full of light and joy and grace that I am often left astounded. God has a different path for each of us, and gave us all our personality traits with great intention and purpose. Who am I to ever question her joy? What a silly woman I was being at Mass!

Jesus, thank you for our families. For all of our characters, for all of our personalities; you use each of our personality types for your Glory if we simply allow You to. Help us all to grow to be the best we are able to be, that we might bring others to your Light!
 
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GREAT post, and I wish I had realized this when I was in your shoes!

One day, that wiggling three year old will be a model for her younger sibling(s) to follow during Mass. Our first child was crazy during Mass! He constantly tried to escape from the pew, play with the books (and his version of “play” usually involved something ripping or breaking), asked questions or talked…we left Mass feeling exhausted every week. He was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome at age five. Now he is ten and says he wants to be a priest and a monk. He started serving at the altar a couple months ago. When he first started I sent a message to the priest about his Asperger’s and warned that he becomes very anxious in new situations and might need to be introduced to new duties slowly. After the last Mass he served, the priest said he’s never seen any sign of anxiety, and instead sees that my son is incredibly reverent during Mass. When he’s not serving and sits with us, I can point him out to the younger ones and say “Look at _____ and follow what he does so you always know what to do.”

…yet, even as our family grows and we get better at teaching good behavior, whoever is three years old at the time is always the one who acts crazy at Mass. 😛 But it does get easier to bear!

God bless you, and thank you for posting this!!!
 
For all you know, that family might be so quiet because they are afraid of the husband’s abuse after Mass. Not to cast aspersions, but comparing our insides with others’ outsides is never a good idea. Also, there are many different temperaments in the world and not everyone is suited to sitting so quietly for long periods of time while very young. Given a little more maturity and ability to truly participate, you might notice your daughter is able to behave better. Heck, my younger son used to fall asleep in Mass when he was a young teen! 😊 Terribly embarrassing to me. Then I just detached from it and let him sleep. 🤷 Now he’s reverent and clucks under his breath when people’s cell phones go off or the cantor misses a note or two! 😃
 
1love, I hope that you shared with your son what Father said about him being such a reverent server. So many children never hear compliments about their good behavior. Since this compliment was from Father, it will mean even more. I am sure that you and your husband have worked hard to instill reverence in your children, and now you are beginning to see the results of your efforts. Congratulations!
 
What a beautiful story.

And how blessed you are to have such a wonderful child. Such a gift!
 
:thumbsup:What a beautiful reflection for all of us! I know that in my efforts to unite my will more closely with God’s will, judgement and comparison are two of my toughest hurdles. And yet we are not all meant to be alike, not all are eyes, all hands, etc. and different gifts given to different people by the same spirit. It seems especially unfair that those judgemental thoughts creep up during Mass, when we are trying to unite ourselves to the sacrament on the altar.

One on my Carmelite sisters recently said “Comparison is the thief of joy.” How true. God used your beautiful daughter and her abundant overflowing joy to show you the truth, and He is always much more gentle and merciful in His dealings with us than we are ourselves.

I pray tonight for your perfect Catholic family (perfect in your desire to be where God wants you), the other “perfect” family at Mass, and whatever struggles they have that you did not witness, and all “perfect” Catholic families as we strive to be the unique members of the body of Christ that we are called to be.
 
A church filled with noisy little children is a church with a good future.

I have four children and find it very hard to manage their behaviour at mass. It’s always a balancing act. We need children to be respectful and act appropriately, but we don’t want mass to be a negative experience for children. There’s lots of families at our church so noisy children do not tend to stand out too much, thankfully.
 
Wow … I am so glad I found this thread :-). It is full of encouragement. Temptations are subtle and can be mistaken as humility…when in fact it is discouragement. Reverence is good …especially before the Holy Eucharist. But sometimes one can focus too much on ‘externals’ I feel …and that’s not so good.

Jo. 🙂
 
Your child is 3 years old, a Beautiful child… let her remain a child… she will grow up fast enough… only when they has a meltdown should you take her outside.
the priest of the day will not mind a child enjoying themselves.
if she cant sit still… feel blessed you have a normal child… God Bless
 
Thank you for that. You are blessed ~ by your family, and by your insight. God is awesome.
 
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