C
chevalier
Guest
I feel bad even posting this compared to the legitimate grave problems people have. Still, I feel things may have crossed my limit. Pardon me if I spend a bit too much time describing the background, though there’s also a lot of information I’ll be withholding, so sorry for that as well.
Long story short, I’m a bachelor in my mid thirties, with little romantic drama in recent years, trying to get some of the necessary continued education while my brain will still take in, while salvaging what’s left of my professional practice after a bad downturn, while trying to help out various family members in various sorts of trouble, usually financial. So as any reasonable person would’ve done, I’ve put most social life and anything involving the fair sex decidedly on hold, as not only are those things occupying my attention, I also have so little to offer right now. For all fleeting joy my company might perhaps bring, it would just be unfair and uncharitable.
A short time ago, however, and very unexpectedly, the courtesies with a new lady friend (connected through childhood memories of all things, as well as professional path) took a romantic colour rather than mere good old chivalry etiquette, which I’m sure took the both of us by surprise, and, because guards were let down, was not opposed till it crossed the line just barely but already enough to be noticed.
Immediately thereafter, I was hit — not unlike previous romantic situations that’ve left me in scars and occasionally sent me reeling for a while — with information of the kind that you wonder if it should be heartbreaking to you or actually making you happy for knowing. Even without that, things would already have been difficult beyond limit.
I’m definitley not getting anything I didn’t deserve — I normally take care to delay things until much more information is available to both parties and slow the pacing (probably explains why I’m single), but this time I didn’t. I didn’t decide to diffuse the situation (which was doable) but seize the moment, go with the flow, flow that was largely of my own doing anyway, and which I’m not saying was good or bad, just unexpected.
I’ve prayed for things to be resolved between the friend and me according to God’s will, as I didn’t even have the strength to muster my own. Obviously, one can never have certainty in such things, but I suspect the distressing information I’ve just mentioned and the most recent difficulty getting in touch may be connected with my prayers. I’ve resolved to weather it, whatever happens, but it’s very painful, also physically, due to some neurological complications and facial nerve damage from years ago that comes back in times of distress, not to mention I’m actually ill at the moment anyway. Still not half as bad as worrying on account of another. In any case, I need the prayers. Though not before someone who needs them more. Thank you for reading this.
Long story short, I’m a bachelor in my mid thirties, with little romantic drama in recent years, trying to get some of the necessary continued education while my brain will still take in, while salvaging what’s left of my professional practice after a bad downturn, while trying to help out various family members in various sorts of trouble, usually financial. So as any reasonable person would’ve done, I’ve put most social life and anything involving the fair sex decidedly on hold, as not only are those things occupying my attention, I also have so little to offer right now. For all fleeting joy my company might perhaps bring, it would just be unfair and uncharitable.
A short time ago, however, and very unexpectedly, the courtesies with a new lady friend (connected through childhood memories of all things, as well as professional path) took a romantic colour rather than mere good old chivalry etiquette, which I’m sure took the both of us by surprise, and, because guards were let down, was not opposed till it crossed the line just barely but already enough to be noticed.
Immediately thereafter, I was hit — not unlike previous romantic situations that’ve left me in scars and occasionally sent me reeling for a while — with information of the kind that you wonder if it should be heartbreaking to you or actually making you happy for knowing. Even without that, things would already have been difficult beyond limit.
I’m definitley not getting anything I didn’t deserve — I normally take care to delay things until much more information is available to both parties and slow the pacing (probably explains why I’m single), but this time I didn’t. I didn’t decide to diffuse the situation (which was doable) but seize the moment, go with the flow, flow that was largely of my own doing anyway, and which I’m not saying was good or bad, just unexpected.
I’ve prayed for things to be resolved between the friend and me according to God’s will, as I didn’t even have the strength to muster my own. Obviously, one can never have certainty in such things, but I suspect the distressing information I’ve just mentioned and the most recent difficulty getting in touch may be connected with my prayers. I’ve resolved to weather it, whatever happens, but it’s very painful, also physically, due to some neurological complications and facial nerve damage from years ago that comes back in times of distress, not to mention I’m actually ill at the moment anyway. Still not half as bad as worrying on account of another. In any case, I need the prayers. Though not before someone who needs them more. Thank you for reading this.
