A spirital war

[TOP]

I’m in a spirital fight. I have been blasted with experiences that are testing everything I have ever known. It has manifisted itself in my waking life to the point that sometimes I don’t even know if I am alive. Im scared of deception and feel that the veil between this world and the spirital is becoming transparant. Because of these things I am losing trust in people, also in the things manmade. This is causing me to question the worship in the church, crosses and sacraments, but not in spirit, works and prayer. I feel God has been revealing himself to me, but in doing so is not allowing room for error. When I stumble, I have had terrible experiences. I have had panic attacks, timestop, waking dreams, twilight dreams, Ive heard the devils voice tormenting and Christ voice comforting. 3 weeks ago I found my mom dead from a stroke and received mercy in grace. I had peace with what had happened. When I was at the funeral, I reconised it from a waking dream I had months earlier and felt the Spirit. I know God is helping me, but the fear I have at times is paralyzing when I don’t feel His presence. This started when I was going through chemotherapy 2 years ago and was close to death. I fell asleep after taking a bunch of painkillers to stop bone pain I had. I had a terrible nightmare I was dieing, spining and being crushed, then I heard a voice say " get up". It took everything I had to get up, but when I woke up I was still reeling and had tunnelvision, and the worst fear I have ever felt. I think God saved me from death and has been keeping me safe, but I think he also has shown me a dark cloud that is over the earth. I don’t want to have anything to do with the devil, but how do I avoid him when he has so polluted this world and even my thoughts. This is effecting my sleep, my job, my home. I want to drop out of society and grow produce or something. But as my faith in God increases, I dont want to be here as much as when I was first diagnosed with cancer. Im having a hard time relating with others and the descriptions I use bearly scratch the surface of how I feel. Anyone having communion like this. I started to fall asleep the other night, “twilight dream”?, and I heard myself say" Jesus, can I be at your right hand?"before I realised this came from me, I heard “No, David is at my right hand” it wasn’t a rebuke, just true and a matter of fact. I woke up instantly, like “what was that”, like I overheard a conversation, but felt comfort that he answered me so quickly, But Im freaked out by what has been going on. Any one?

 

[JCPhoenix]

Are you sure you aren’t just having anxiety attacks? There is very effective treatment for this.

I would also encourage you to make an appointment with your parish priest both for a very good Confesion and to discuss yoru concerns with sacramentals, etc.

Thirdly, read up on discerning the spirits.

What you are describing, if I am understanding correctly, is repelling you from the sacraments and sacramentals…now, who would cause that? Would the Lord ever do anything to cause you to be seperated from the Church, or drive you closer to your faith?

It’s true that when we are suffering, Jesus is very close to us. This last spring/early summer I was under a great deal of oppression I only recently realized was spirituallly-related, and I also realized that I recieved a great number of consolations from the Lord during that period of time. Yet, I was driven closer to him through those trials, not further away.

Cling to the sacraments, to prayer, and definitely visit with a good priest. Also seek counseling as some of what you describe actually mimics symptoms my mother experienced when she was diagnosed with bipolar, and symptoms of friends and patients of mine (when I worked in healthcare), when they suffered anxiety attacks.

Be careful to not ascribe every occurrance of discomfort or confusion to Satan…he just doesn’t have that much power. Sometimes what we think is spiritual is really just physical ailment…and we need to go to the correct person to correct whatever is wrong.

 

[TOP]

Thank You JCPhoenix for your response,
I have been in contact with our local parish priest and have discussed at length most of these things, also have agreed on some of these issues. He has offered an annointing of the sick. But he also raises the question of mental illness, which If I didn’t believe in the good things that have happened, would be able to except. I do go once a month to a psychiatrist to discuss some of the issues concerning me, but this is a delicate balance to relate feelings, that are undescribable, to his perception. No medication has been recommended at this point. But it is a struggle, not to denie my belief, and be an exceptable member of society. I don’t accept the partiality of my conduct in partaking of the sin ,that I think, has permeated all areas of this world, including the church and my home. Basically, Im scared, I have felt chastisment, and I can’t handle the thorns, snares and traps, which become more visible after a good confession. When these things first happened, I ran to the church, confessed my life, also to whom I have wronged when possible, I felt like yelling, look I can see and Im one of you now, but was met with gossip, and discusions of the local politics and crime, grounding of the spiritual. I wanted to discuss, how as a believer, we can get thru this world and prepare for the Lords coming. I met a few, with humility, practiced, Im not seeing the servitude that I think The Lord requires in obediance. This has made me wonder if there is only santuary in Faith and bringing His Word and Spirit to my home thru the Gospel and practice, Then monday comes, back to work, involved again in the sin that is running rampent like lion. Yes this is a war, and I believe the Lord is gathering and seperating, and Im afraid to run to anyone but Him, including the church, which I fear, satan has breached, but I Can’t judge, for good souls are there also. I would hope to bring more strength to the church , but am weak. A big part of me wants out of here, but I don’t want to see others blindly serving this world, and ignoring Gods constant call out thru Christ. Tim

 

[JCPhoenix]

Tim,

I’m glad to hear you are unde the care of both a psychiatrist and your parish priest, and I am glad that you are continuing to go to the Lord for assistance in carrying this cross.

My own parish priest has talked about this seperation going on, that sides are being chosen.

Satan has indeed infiltrated the Church…but that has been true through history through various heresies. The most recent is feminism and New Age.

So take a deep breath, spend time praying before the Blessed Sacrament, or even the tabernacle, and get a grip. Do not give the evil one so much power that you’re refraining from trust in the Chruch.

We have a solid Shepherd, (Benedict XVI) we have solid priests, and we the faithful have nothing to fear. Fear and confusion do not come from the Lord and by giving in, you are giving power to the one who will be losing in the end.

We KNOW how the story ends…so pick up your cross, embrace it, and go forward with joy and confidance in your Savior who leads you. The Church is filled with good people. How do you discern? Know your faith. Know what the Chruch teaches…read the Bible along with the Catechism and faithfully attend Mass.

The Lord is forever Faithful. It is we who lack faith.