A Test to Recognize True Forgiveness

[Sirach2]

Haven’t we all asked many times, how do I know if I have truly forgiven an offense? In reading St. Faustina’s Diary, I recognized that I, too, have sometimes relied upon my feelings to indicate whether or not I have forgiven a person.

1628

During Holy Mass, I saw Jesus stretched out on the Cross, and He said to me, **My Pupil, have great love for those who cause you suffering. Do good to those who hate you. **

I answered, “O my Master, You see very well that I feel no love for them, and that troubles me.” Jesus answered.** It is not always within your power to control your feelings. You will recognize that you have love if, after having experienced annoyance and contradiction, you do not lose your peace, but pray for those who have made you suffer and wish them well.**

If we are unable to enter again into close friendship due to betrayed trust or because of abuse, etc., we can misunderstand Our Lord’s meaning and believe we are not forgiving. I really found comfort in this verse.

 

[gh4]

Thank you for this, I sure needed to read it.

 

[Maristella]

Thank you for posting this. My first encounter with this verse came shortly before an event in which someone did something devastating to me and my family. This verse helped me get through that time without giving in to a temptation to hate the offender, and it helped others in the family who were hurt to forgive as well. It was a huge help to really understand that you don’t have to have good feelings, just the will to pray for their salvation.

 

[TiggerS]

The Diary of St Faustina is an important read to my mind. Well is she termed an apostle of God’s Loving Mercy. The Diary is absolutely full of astounding statements about God’s Loving Mercy.

It is important to recognize that we don’t always have control of our feelings - many don’t recognize this. It can cause interior suffering when for example, a very real desire to forgive is in conflict with what one is feeling, even though one may indeed recognize that one does not always have control of feelings. This conflict and interior suffering united to the Sufferings of Jesus is redemptive, as is all suffering united to those of Jesus, to His Cross.

We do have control of our actions, however, and in desiring to forgive, one has forgiven and ideally will pray about the situation and wish the other well in all things. In other words, if one actually did have full control of one’s feelings, one would desire and effect both forgiveness on the feeling level, and forget any offence. This reflects that Absolute Forgiveness of God.

There can be many interior conflicts in the journey of life and this can be one of them.

The inability to control our feelings may not only apply in the case of forgiveness.

 

[Sirach2]

I have been looking almost for an hour for a homily I heard on EWTN by Fr. Alex Valladares that was very poignant with regard to this issue. Ah, it paid to be persistent, for here it is. Scroll to 17:10 minutes to hear St. John the Baptist’s words, “Produce good fruit as evidence of your repentence.”
Father goes on to say that if we have ever had our heart broken, been deeply hurt or betrayed, yes, Our Lord tells us to forgive. But it takes time to heal from those wounds, and they don’t go away simply because the person comes in with a bouquet of flowers, a box of candy, a nice note. There must be evidence of repentence!

I hope it speaks to you, as it did to me.

 

[Sirach2]

Tigger S:

The Diary is absolutely full of astounding statements about God’s Loving Mercy.

I’ll second that!! :dancing: I find that I am spending more and more time absorbing the profound truths written by Our Lord’s "Secretary" of Divine Mercy.

Maristella:

It was a huge help to really understand that you don’t have to have good feelings, just the will to pray for their salvation.

If you only knew how hard I looked for that entry of hers. I wrote a small index at the back of my book where I keep these references, but I forgot to insert this one. It is encouraging that others, like yourself, also found comfort in reading that verse. The Holy Spirit guides us into all Truth. Amen!

 

[Sirach2]

Many of our readings during lent will focus on forgiveness and our relationship with others. It seemed a good idea to bump this thread for our prayerful reflection to begin this Ash Wednesday.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Many of our readings during lent will focus on forgiveness and our relationship with others. It seemed a good idea to bump this thread for our prayerful reflection to begin this Ash Wednesday.

I missed this thread and that lovely quote from St. Faustina’s diary the first time around. It worth reading and reflecting on d using Lent.

 

[OneSheep]

Haven’t we all asked many times, how do I know if I have truly forgiven an offense? In reading St. Faustina’s Diary, I recognized that I, too, have sometimes relied upon my feelings to indicate whether or not I have forgiven a person.

If we are unable to enter again into close friendship due to betrayed trust or because of abuse, etc., we can misunderstand Our Lord’s meaning and believe we are not forgiving. I really found comfort in this verse.

I agree with St. Faustina. Feelings are a pretty good indicator, but it depends on what we mean by “feeling”. I agree with all the posters so far who have hesitation about renewing friendships, for example. If our trust of someone has been broken, we can certainly forgive them, but for me trust has to be reestablished from ground zero (or negative!).

To me, I know when I have forgiven when I can truthfully say “I could have done exactly as they did if I had the same awareness (or blindness)”. I no longer feel compelled to punish the person, even though some type of punishment may be called for the purpose of deterrence. My desire for some kind of vindication is gone. When I forgive, I no longer think of a person “deserving” anything more, or less, than the Love of God.

Thanks for posting this thread.

 

[Sirach2]

When we consider the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke’s gospel, it is good to note that the father did not run after the incorrigible son. He allowed him to fully experience the consequences of his wrongful decision. Only when dire circumstances forced this son to come to his senses was he able to return home to his father.

This is wisdom, par excellance! Some call it “hitting bottom.” We should never enable a person to continue their wrong behavior by our prematurely extending forgiveness through a sense of guilt or a need to prove to ourselves that we have really forgiven others by entering into the relationship again.

I believe Jesus said in the gospel, “If he repents, forgive him.” Here’s a good article on this.

Secondly, “…IF he repents…” Notice Jesus DOES NOT say, “…it doesn’t matter if he repents or not, you HAVE to forgive him.” No, Jesus puts the requirement of “…if he REPENTS…” as a CONDITION of forgiveness. Now don’t get the wrong idea (“Really? Then I can hold a grudge and bitterness towards them until they do repent?”) This is NOT a license to that kind of attitude or behavior! The point is that, just as **repentance is the first condition we must meet to be forgiven of God **so, too, they should not expect forgiveness in its fullest sense from you just because you are a Christian “and Jesus says you’ve got to love me and forgive me!”

 

[Eric_Hyom]

TiggerS;

The inability to control our feelings may not only apply in the case of forgiveness

Anger and hate can leave you thinking all night about injustice, and the need to put it right, it often highlights people’s impotence about obtaining justice, the feeling of anger just burns away inside. The person who angers you, controls your mind, the longer this injustice goes on for, the hotter your anger becomes, along with impotence.

Prayer and forgiveness is the only way to overcome this intense feeling.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Anger and hate can leave you thinking all night about injustice, and the need to put it right, it often highlights people’s impotence about obtaining justice, the feeling of anger just burns away inside. The person who angers you, controls your mind, the longer this injustice goes on for, the hotter your anger becomes, along with impotence.

Prayer and forgiveness is the only way to overcome this intense feeling.

So true. I used to burn with anger thinking about a terrible injustice done to me by someone very close. But I forced myself to pray for that person. I wanted to heal and move on. It got easier with time. Now I really mean it and wish them all the best, although I don’t see us reconciling since the person in question is unrepentant and unfortunately quite nasty. But I have let go of my desire for revenge and justice. I really don’t care for it. It is all in God’s hands and I know He’ll take care of it. I pray for the person’s salvation. I guess that means I have forgiven them. I don’t have warm, fluffy feelings for this person, and I doubt I ever will after what they have done. I’m glad that these feelings are not required from us.