I
identifyasCatholic
Guest
Hello, so, as one can tell from past posts, i’m scrupulous. I can’t talk to a priest right now, and Sunday is around the corner (Mass).
Here’s the dilemma. I was reading a prayer book, and then after I had defeated a few temptations of thought (I hope).
, i thought in my mind (trigger warning) “I wish Jesus had never existed.” As soon as i said it, i continued reading but agreed i would apologize after the page.
I hate to admit it, but i felt a relief because i had been keeping it in. To explain prior more, ive had blasphemous thoughts before similar to that one.
I know how unreasonable and ungrateful that is, but, I knew I meant it.
Because my faith has brought me so much suffering and little to no joy. I know being a person of faith is not supoosed to always be sweet and pleasant, but it seems others seem much happier and grateful while I am always suffering and feeling guilt. Tothe point where I feel too guilty to embrace God’s love. I just dont feel happy. So, in this thought I put all the blame on Christ for making me suffer this much because I have to follow Him. I know that its my scrupulousity is to blame though- not Christ.
I had also been tempted with embracing ny anger at Him for not helping me while i was praying the rosary but I would push it away.
I feel guilty even asking the possibility of it, but is there anyway this wasnt a mortal sin? I went to confession that same day before comtting it. And I know im making an excuse with the scruples thing. But ive asked for forgiveness a few times once i was in bed. And then once i was in bed i felt joy at thinking that thought- it came back to me like a temptation and then i refuted it with reasoning. but afraid i didnt refute it quick enough.
This was long. But thanks for your charity.
Here’s the dilemma. I was reading a prayer book, and then after I had defeated a few temptations of thought (I hope).
, i thought in my mind (trigger warning) “I wish Jesus had never existed.” As soon as i said it, i continued reading but agreed i would apologize after the page.
I hate to admit it, but i felt a relief because i had been keeping it in. To explain prior more, ive had blasphemous thoughts before similar to that one.
I know how unreasonable and ungrateful that is, but, I knew I meant it.
Because my faith has brought me so much suffering and little to no joy. I know being a person of faith is not supoosed to always be sweet and pleasant, but it seems others seem much happier and grateful while I am always suffering and feeling guilt. Tothe point where I feel too guilty to embrace God’s love. I just dont feel happy. So, in this thought I put all the blame on Christ for making me suffer this much because I have to follow Him. I know that its my scrupulousity is to blame though- not Christ.
I had also been tempted with embracing ny anger at Him for not helping me while i was praying the rosary but I would push it away.
I feel guilty even asking the possibility of it, but is there anyway this wasnt a mortal sin? I went to confession that same day before comtting it. And I know im making an excuse with the scruples thing. But ive asked for forgiveness a few times once i was in bed. And then once i was in bed i felt joy at thinking that thought- it came back to me like a temptation and then i refuted it with reasoning. but afraid i didnt refute it quick enough.
This was long. But thanks for your charity.