A very delicate subject

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mamabear3

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When i was 14 i was raped by my brothers friends who was 20. he didn’t hold me down against my will it’s just that now that i am older i realize i wasn’t even old enough to make those decisions. i never dealt with this until recently and i am realizing all the horrible things it has caused me to think about sex. when i have sex with my husband i feel like a kid again. i have intrusive thoughts of being objectified by other people and they are so hard to control sometimes i just give into them. i feel like a horrible disgusting person i feel like i could never even say these things out loud in confession to get some insight. so i guess that is why i am posting it here. and also, is it a sin if i never forgive this person? I feel like i have sinned because i was willing to have sex with this man.
 
I am terribly sorry for your incident. I see a lot of guys trying to take advantage of younger girls, and it’s repulsive.

But never, never, and I mean never think that something cannot be confessed in the confessional. We are all human, we all have sinned, and it’s the priest’s job to administer absolution for our sins. I understand that some things we might find unmentionable, thing we are too ashamed of to think speakable. But this is about reconciling yourself to God, whose mercy and love are infinite.

I don’t see how withholding forgiveness could be a good thing. Especially since you said it was not entirely against your will.

You’re in my prayers.
 
Equites_Christi said:
I am terribly sorry for your incident. I see a lot of guys trying to take advantage of younger girls, and it’s repulsive.

But never, never, and I mean never think that something cannot be confessed in the confessional. We are all human, we all have sinned, and it’s the priest’s job to administer absolution for our sins. I understand that some things we might find unmentionable, thing we are too ashamed of to think speakable. But this is about reconciling yourself to God, whose mercy and love are infinite.

I don’t see how withholding forgiveness could be a good thing. Especially since you said it was not entirely against your will.

You’re in my prayers.
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:eek:

I’m not qualifed to post on this maybe, and maybe you are, and maybe confession can be part of the healing process but it is NOT as if it should be priority. Her priority should be to get counselling or by some other means, possibly but NOT NECESSARILLY including confession, to find a healthy happy relationship, or view of relationships and sex.

Im sorry, but I find your confession/seek forgiveness line a tad misdirected.

But then again, I’m neither a theology or a psychology expert.

God Bless you Mamabear and EC both…
 
mamabear3 said:
When i was 14 i was raped by my brothers friends who was 20. he didn’t hold me down against my will it’s just that now that i am older i realize i wasn’t even old enough to make those decisions. i never dealt with this until recently and i am realizing all the horrible things it has caused me to think about sex. when i have sex with my husband i feel like a kid again. i have intrusive thoughts of being objectified by other people and they are so hard to control sometimes i just give into them. i feel like a horrible disgusting person i feel like i could never even say these things out loud in confession to get some insight. so i guess that is why i am posting it here. and also, is it a sin if i never forgive this person? I feel like i have sinned because i was willing to have sex with this man.
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At 14 people have no way of understanding what they are doing for the most part. You are not a horrible disgusting person because of this. It sounds more to me like you were an innocent victim more than anything else. Intrusive thoughts are part of a LOT of people’s lives. You cannot begin to imagine how many people have the most incredible thoughts run through their minds. It’s part of being human. The best thing to do it let them go. Give them to Jesus.
Be at peace sweety and God Bless you.
😉
 
mamabear3 said:
snip>, is it a sin if i never forgive this person? I feel like i have sinned because i was willing to have sex with this man.
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Remember the Lord’s prayer…Our Father…forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us… so yes it is a sin not to forgive for if you do not forgive how is your Father in heaven to forgive you?If you truely beleive that you were totally willing then yes it was a sin for you to have sex. However your words seem to indicate that you weren’t entirely willing, and that you did not know exactly what was going on at the time in regards as to what you were doing was sinful.in my opinion only thus it was not a sin on your part for the activity,but it still is a sin on your part not to forgive the other party.
 
You may be suffering from PTSD, get to a counciler who you feel comfortable with and work on desensitation, I went through EMDR treatment and it worked well for me, although very stressfull. Get help soon though, this can lead to more serios issues. I will keep you in my thoughts and offerings.
 
www.conradbaars.com/ -
Dear mamabear3,
The above web site takes you some wonderful people,you may find that reading Dr.Conrad Baars’books(R.I.P.) or Dr. Anne Terruwe such as Feeling and Healing ones Emotions.Affirmation Therapy and others by the same authors ,may be all that you need,especially if you are intelligent.If that is not enought, then I would agree that you should seek help as suggested in other posts.I personally found them very helpful in my life along with good,healthy advise of holy and learned Priests.I am truelly sorry that you suffer,that is all to do with our weaknesses and our human condition:we have a compassionate friend Jesus,who understands our weaknesses and is like us in all things,expect sin.
 
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