Abandonned by husband

[sharonvanecek]

My husband abandonned me and my 3 children 4 hrs ago when he retired. He is living in Europe and offers no support and comes home for 2 mos per year- at which time I do not say much . He knows I would like him to stay but says he is a hair away from divorce. I have been working 2 jobs and praying. Recently I heard the Popcek’s on relavant radio counsel a woman in similar situation to hold her husband accountable othewise she could be responsible in some way for him losing his soul by allowing him to continue on in his irresponsible life style. Above all else, I do not want to get divorced. Do you have any advice on what to do or say to my husband - who does not respond at all - by letter email etc. or should I continue to place the matter totally in God’s hands and pray?

 

[AlanFromWichita]

sharonvanecek:

My husband abandonned me and my 3 children 4 hrs ago when he retired. He is living in Europe and offers no support and comes home for 2 mos per year- at which time I do not say much . He knows I would like him to stay but says he is a hair away from divorce. I have been working 2 jobs and praying. Recently I heard the Popcek’s on relavant radio counsel a woman in similar situation to hold her husband accountable othewise she could be responsible in some way for him losing his soul by allowing him to continue on in his irresponsible life style. Above all else, I do not want to get divorced. Do you have any advice on what to do or say to my husband - who does not respond at all - by letter email etc. or should I continue to place the matter totally in God’s hands and pray?

It sounds like you’re his “vacation home” now. If part of his vacation is to get some “bedroom time” then I’d suggest you see a doctor in case he brought home some exotic treasures from abroad.

Some would say you are enabling him but I don’t; I think you are holding out for a change through faith. That said, what’s in it for him to change what he’s doing? All he has to do is toss out the word “divorce” and apparently that gets your attention. He ignores you because he knows you will be there when it’s convenient and pleasing for him.

Are you willing to live this way forever? If not, then what do you think God can change in you or him to get you out of this stalemate? Perhaps you should call his bluff about the divorce. What’s the worse that can happen at this point – that he will be required to pay support so you can work only one job and spend more time with your kids, maybe?

This guy’s treating you like I treated some women before I got married, including my wife. The only thing that got through to me was the loss I felt when she told me not to call her again. I came begging her to take me back and now we’re happily married. I certainly can’t predict the same results for you; there are too many variables.

I wonder if he’d respond if you sent him a registered letter telling him you’re having trouble making ends meet and plan to have an estate sale to liquidate his belongings that he no longer needs?

Alan

 

[sparkle]

sharonvanecek:

My husband abandonned me and my 3 children 4 hrs ago when he retired. He is living in Europe and offers no support and comes home for 2 mos per year- at which time I do not say much . He knows I would like him to stay but says he is a hair away from divorce. I have been working 2 jobs and praying. Recently I heard the Popcek’s on relavant radio counsel a woman in similar situation to hold her husband accountable othewise she could be responsible in some way for him losing his soul by allowing him to continue on in his irresponsible life style. Above all else, I do not want to get divorced. Do you have any advice on what to do or say to my husband - who does not respond at all - by letter email etc. or should I continue to place the matter totally in God’s hands and pray?

Dear Sharon:

I’m so sorry for your situation. A husband who abandons his family is a jerk, and no husband or father in my book. Sorry to say. Get some counseling–get some guidance on how you can support yourself friend, and pray for him. He’s totally off the mark. YOU need to get YOUR life together at this point. However, maybe ask him next time you talk–what does he want out of his marriage? Why? Is he willing to take a stand?

Actions speak so louder than words. You’re in my thoughts friend.

 

[sharonvanecek]

Dear Alan and Sparkle , Thanks for the advice. Alan, it is the first time in a long time I could laught about my situation. I really like the idea of the following:

" wonder if he’d respond if you sent him a registered letter telling him you’re having trouble making ends meet and plan to have an estate sale to liquidate his belongings that he no longer needs?".

That is just great! I agree- he is treating me like he treated past girlfriends, not with the commitment he showed during our marriage prior to his retirement - I guess he just decided when He retired, that he would retire from everything- life and marriage included, as well as work. For some reason ,I am just thinking all this is funny today, which I am glad about because other days I am on the verge of depression managing all by myself. You have given me some good ideas and for the first time I am thinking of sending him a registered letter with a statement such as you made.

I do not want the divorce and he knows it, that would be financially devastating to me, he is 68 and smokes and drinks and may not live much longer, we having savings, which I may get nothing of if I keep the house or maybe everything would be split, but that too would be a loss. I do not plan to remarry, acutally I would like to be an oblate when he dies and plan to be single and get more involved in those in religious life ( the sisters or nuns).

PS - I KNOW MY SITUATION IS NOT FUNNY, BUT I GUESS I AM JUST HAPPY AND TRUSTING IN GOD AND SO I CAN LAUGH A LITTLE. I am filled with joy !!

 

[AlanFromWichita]

sharonvanecek:

PS - I KNOW MY SITUATION IS NOT FUNNY, BUT I GUESS I AM JUST HAPPY AND TRUSTING IN GOD AND SO I CAN LAUGH A LITTLE. I am filled with joy !!

 

[La_Chiara]

I know this may seem outrageous to suggest, but maybe you should look into divorcing him. If you divorced him, he would be legally required to provide you or at least your children financial support from his retirement pension. Being divorced is not a sin, it is remarrying (without an annulment) which is a sin. Maybe just filing the paperwork would encourage a resolution. Just a thought.

 

[Apologia100]

La Chiara:

I know this may seem outrageous to suggest, but maybe you should look into divorcing him. If you divorced him, he would be legally required to provide you or at least your children financial support from his retirement pension. Being divorced is not a sin, it is remarrying (without an annulment) which is a sin. Maybe just filing the paperwork would encourage a resolution. Just a thought.

You can have this arranged through a legal permanent separation, without going the full length of divorce.

 

[sparkle]

sharonvanecek:

My husband abandonned me and my 3 children 4 hrs ago when he retired. He is living in Europe and offers no support and comes home for 2 mos per year- at which time I do not say much .

Hi Sharon:

Do you mean 4 months or years ago? Not 4 hours.

Clearly, he has abandoned you and your kids. I am so sorry friend. Yes, I would ask him to divorce you then so YOU and your precious kids can move on with your life if that is his choice, not your choice. If he does not respond, then you need to unfortunately go ahead with the proceedings. Abandonment the reason. I say of course pray, God will provide for you. But sounds like he is an idiot for doing this (sorry ) but you need to get on with things too. Sounds like you’re a great mom and trying very hard to make things O.K. for your kids. I’ll be praying for you!!

God Bless~~