Abortion or death - what's the answer?

[Rollypollyjelly]

Hello all,

So I’m going to tell you a little bit about my story first. I was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 22. I had to have surgery very quick because it was already at an advanced stage. During the routine pre-surgical tests, they noticed that I was pregnant. I didn’t even know I was, it was very early on in the pregnancy (only a couple of weeks). The surgeon, the doctor and the gynecologist set up a meeting and all three concluded that it would not be possible for me to pursue my pregnancy for another 6-7 months minimum, for the baby to be viable, before I could have surgery. My cancer would have us both me and the baby killed or in a terminal state before that could happen. It was also concluded that it was impossible to operate on me while pregnant, because of the nature of the surgery (a total colon removal). So the only option left in order for one of us to survive, they said, was to have an abortion. Now I’m a catholic, and I believe that abortion is a sin. But I was very weak and my family and life partner took the decision for me.

A little later I found out that my cancer had spread anyway, and that I could no longer have children. I’m now 25 and cancer-free, but I know I’ll never bear any children and that makes me sick (but that’ll be the topic of another thread). My question is: was it the right choice? Was there another option? I was too fragile to reflect on this, as it had to be done quickly, but with the years gone by I’m wondering. Is this a mortal sin? Have I done wrong, or have I just saved my own life? I guess I’ll never know if I would have really been dead by now if I had kept the baby… My mother once told me that my infertility was my punishment for having killed my only child given to me by God…

Thank you for your verses, your advices, books or articles you could refer… That would be a great help. Thank you all!

 

[Della]

I’m so sorry for your losses–your child and your ability to have children. :console:

Since you ask the your question here, I assume you never discussed this with you confessor. Please do so.

While abortion is a moral evil, how culpable you are for having an abortion is another issue. This is something you need to talk to your confessor about, my dear. It sounds like there were mitigating circumstances, but again, please talk to your confessor, ASAP to resolve this issue for you.

 

[pianistclare]

I’m so sorry for your losses–your child and your ability to have children. :console:

Since you ask the your question here, I assume you never discussed this with you confessor. Please do so.

While abortion is a moral evil, how culpable you are for having an abortion is another issue. This is something you need to talk to your confessor about, my dear. It sounds like there were mitigating circumstances, but again, please talk to your confessor, ASAP to resolve this issue for you.

THIS^^. See your priest. Internet strangers can offer little help in this regard.
God bless you and your path to healing. Also, your Diocese may have support ministries for people like yourself. Inquire. Be assured of our prayers.

 

[porthos11]

We can only speak in generalities and principles. For the peace of your conscience, see your confessor, be absolved of any sin you may have committed (if indeed there is) and move on.

Morally speaking, it is never permissible to abort a child, ever. This means directly attacking the child to end its life.

However, it can be morally permissible to undergo surgery, even if it’s foreseen that the child will die as a result. For example (I am not a medical doctor, and even if anyone here is, this is not the place to be dispensing medical advice, so this is the standard disclaimer), if the cancer has spread to the uterus, and the only option is for the uterus to be removed with a baby in it. This will certainly kill the baby, but since the intent is not to attack the baby but to remove a diseased organ, this can be morally licit. The child would only be able to live out its natural life, even if it’s for only a few more minutes. Same thing about a colon removal. Perhaps it might have been possible to remove the colon without directly attacking the baby, even if the baby can be foreseen to die as a result.

You did not describe the exact circumstances of the surgery (and I don’t think you should, except to your confessor) so none of us can say that you have any kind of guilt or culpability or not.

And regardless, no one, not even your mother, has the right or knowledge to tell you that God is punishing you for anything.

Confess and believe and follow your confessor’s advice. That’s really all any of us should be saying.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

The Church teaches that direct abortion is always gravely immoral. Indirect abortion, such as the removal of a cancerous uterus carrying a child, may be permissible. You should have attempted to consult with prolife doctors for options other than abortion. But that is past now. God certainly understands the very grave stress you were under at the time. Someone telling you that God is now punishing you is not at all helpful. You should confess your involvement in this abortion, if you have not already done so.

You are still young. God saved you from cancer. He must have plans for you, which may or may not involve having children. Look forward, not back.

Good reading at:

National Catholic Bioethics Center
ncbcenter.org/

 

[PRmerger]

My mother once told me that my infertility was my punishment for having killed my only child given to me by God…

I echo what everyone else has said and please include my prayers for your peace.

I will add that Scripture quite clearly contradicts what your mother told you.
God did not punish you for having an abortion.

What would that say about the millions of infertile couples who also struggle with their loss? God punishes them for their sins?

No.

No one is blind because God punished him for looking at porn.
No one is mute because God punished her for saying unkind things.

Sometimes there are just natural consequences to our actions.
Sometimes there are just natural consequences to the world being in an imperfect state.

 

[PRmerger]

I echo what everyone else has said and please include my prayers for your peace.

I will add that Scripture quite clearly contradicts what your mother told you.
God did not punish you for having an abortion.

What would that say about the millions of infertile couples who also struggle with their loss? God punishes them for their sins?

No.

No one is blind because God punished him for looking at porn.
No one is mute because God punished her for saying unkind things.

Sometimes there are just natural consequences to our actions.
Sometimes there are just natural consequences to the world being in an imperfect state.

Incidentally, a corollary of your mom’s paradigm that God punishes us for our sins would be that God rewards us for our virtues.

And that would mean that a very wealthy man, (say, Donald Trump?) has been blessed by God for being saintly.

Is there anyone here who believes that???

 

[petra22]

I know you feel terrible about what happened to you and your baby. I agree that you need to talk to a priest. Don’t be afraid. God loves you. I’m sorry about what your mother said… that didn’t help at all. Tell your priest and he will help you sort it all out. I can already tell you are sorry and so can God. (And I’m not even a priest!)

Lots of us have made mistakes–mistakes we didn’t realize about fertility. We took birth control pills. The manufacturers told us the sperm would be blocked from fertilizing the egg so no pregnancy would occur. they didn’t tell us that occasionally a sperm would get through and fertilize an egg but don’t worry because the pill causes a pregnancy to abort by causing a chemical change in the womb. So, in effect we flushed our children down the toilet. How many? And we didn’t even know. They still won’t say it out loud but you can find out if you go and search the fine print… Once we DO find out and it breaks our hearts and we are so sorry, God will forgive us. Go tell your priest. I’m praying for you and all of us…

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit,
As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be world without end. Amen.

 

[Young_Ludovicus]

These are the cases most catholics can and should have empathy for. You were open for life, the both of you. But the circumstances were such that it was a lose lose situation. If you are troubled by it, Please talk with a confessor, your fiancee and friends about it. It’s good to confess it, to get it off your chest. The abortion was a sin, as it’s always a sin. But don’t let it hold you down. Confess your sins to the church. The church is there for the wounded, to support the flock through tough times.

There’s a vast difference for people that have an abortion because the child has an illness that wouldn’t let it live or because it could kill the mother and people that chose to have an abortion because it was inconvenient, something which can never be condoned. You both were open for life, remember that! I applaud the both of you!

 

[1ke]

Talk to your pastor about this. And there is healing after abortion, contact Rachel’s Vineyard or Project Rachel for help. You need healing, spiritual and emotional.

What an awful thing your mother said to you. Abortion affects families too, perhaps she need to reach out for healing too.

 

[tawny]

Please speak with your Priest regarding this situation not people on the Internet. I’ll be praying for your physical, mental, emotional & spiritual healing.

 

[Isca]

I can only say I’m so sorry your mother said such an awful and untrue thing to you. I’ve read your other thread, and I hope and pray that all will work out for you. God bless you.

 

[ShrodingersCat]

Is this a mortal sin? Have I done wrong, or have I just saved my own life? I guess I’ll never know if I would have really been dead by now if I had kept the baby… My mother once told me that my infertility was my punishment for having killed my only child given to me by God…

I completely agree that you should talk to a priest. Abortion is always wrong, but depending on the circumstances you may bear little responsibility for it. Certainly the situation you were in is a massive mitigating factor. Go and put your mind at rest. What your mother said is completely untrue.

The real reason I wanted to comment was to address something that I didn’t notice being directly addressed, which was your question on whether there was another option. I saw people referenced cases where a hysterectomy due to advanced cancer is not considered an abortion since the direct intent is not to harm the baby. But I know this was not your case as on the other thread you mentioned that you still have a womb.

In situations like this, the church would argue that the surgery can be attempted despite the pregnancy, even if the chances of miscarriage are huge. That way, if the baby dies as an unintended consequence, it is not intentional killing and thus the baby’s life is being valued to the same extent as its mother’s.

However, don’t start worrying that you didn’t know of that option at the time. For some reason the doctors didn’t inform you that it was possible. I just don’t want you to think that a baby’s life is worth MORE than the mother and the mother should just die. Sure, the surgery might be riskier during pregnancy, but both lives are valued equally: one does not trump the other.

EDIT: actually someone did address this specific question - missed that.

 

[goout]

Hello all,

So I’m going to tell you a little bit about my story first. I was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 22. I had to have surgery very quick because it was already at an advanced stage. During the routine pre-surgical tests, they noticed that I was pregnant. I didn’t even know I was, it was very early on in the pregnancy (only a couple of weeks). The surgeon, the doctor and the gynecologist set up a meeting and all three concluded that it would not be possible for me to pursue my pregnancy for another 6-7 months minimum, for the baby to be viable, before I could have surgery. My cancer would have us both me and the baby killed or in a terminal state before that could happen. It was also concluded that it was impossible to operate on me while pregnant, because of the nature of the surgery (a total colon removal). So the only option left in order for one of us to survive, they said, was to have an abortion. Now I’m a catholic, and I believe that abortion is a sin. But I was very weak and my family and life partner took the decision for me.

A little later I found out that my cancer had spread anyway, and that I could no longer have children. I’m now 25 and cancer-free, but I know I’ll never bear any children and that makes me sick (but that’ll be the topic of another thread). My question is: was it the right choice? Was there another option? I was too fragile to reflect on this, as it had to be done quickly, but with the years gone by I’m wondering. Is this a mortal sin? Have I done wrong, or have I just saved my own life? I guess I’ll never know if I would have really been dead by now if I had kept the baby… My mother once told me that my infertility was my punishment for having killed my only child given to me by God…

Thank you for your verses, your advices, books or articles you could refer… That would be a great help. Thank you all!

I believe you are dealing with what is called the principle of double effect. A search will turn up information.

I pray for your healing.