Abortion response quick!

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ltehs63

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I need a good response

I have a friend whose baby was diagnosed with a brain and heart defect incompatible with life outside the womb when she was 20 weeks pregnant. She had to choose between carrying the pregnancy to term and risking premature fetal death and those complications, the dangers of birth and those complications, the risk of aborting the baby and those complications; the entire time knowing that the baby would die within hours or days after birth if it survived birth at all. She and her partner had 3 other young children of whom she was the primary caregiver. They chose to end the pregnancy knowing that whether they carried the pregnancy to term (if they even managed that) or aborted it, there were immense physical, emotional, mental, and financials risks that could tear their family apart. Because this state does not allow post 20 week abortions (yeah, all those horrible pics that pro-lifers have been posting) she had to travel across 2 states to a provider that she had never met; not theOB who delivered all her other children. She had to stay in hotel far away from her family and friends and their love and support during an incredibly painful time in her life. And she still had to come home without her child. You don’t get to make the medical decisions for these women and their families!!! How dare you even try to take the moral high ground on such a personal and private decision where the person bearing all the risk is the pregnant woman herself. And to combat the propaganda of the pro-life movement women would have to share all these painful private decisions that they made for their survival and that of their already born children. God did not give Christians the moral authority to decide the viability of a pregnancy and He sure as heck didn’t give you the legal authority to control their medical decisions.
 
ltehs63 said:
I need a good response

I have a friend whose baby was diagnosed with a brain and heart defect incompatible with life outside the womb when she was 20 weeks pregnant. She had to choose between carrying the pregnancy to term and risking premature fetal death and those complications, the dangers of birth and those complications, the risk of aborting the baby and those complications; the entire time knowing that the baby would die within hours or days after birth if it survived birth at all. She and her partner had 3 other young children of whom she was the primary caregiver. They chose to end the pregnancy knowing that whether they carried the pregnancy to term (if they even managed that) or aborted it, there were immense physical, emotional, mental, and financials risks that could tear their family apart. Because this state does not allow post 20 week abortions (yeah, all those horrible pics that pro-lifers have been posting) she had to travel across 2 states to a provider that she had never met; not theOB who delivered all her other children. She had to stay in hotel far away from her family and friends and their love and support during an incredibly painful time in her life. And she still had to come home without her child. You don’t get to make the medical decisions for these women and their families!!! How dare you even try to take the moral high ground on such a personal and private decision where the person bearing all the risk is the pregnant woman herself. And to combat the propaganda of the pro-life movement women would have to share all these painful private decisions that they made for their survival and that of their already born children. God did not give Christians the moral authority to decide the viability of a pregnancy and He sure as heck didn’t give you the legal authority to control their medical decisions.
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Your post went from heartfelt compassion to condemnation fairly quickly.
I am sorry for you, this woman, and the child.
 
Except the numbers specifically show that regions with access to abortion, birth control, and sex education have lower abortion rates. Preaching a chaste life doesn’t do it, it just doesn’t. So like I said earlier if you really care about unborn babies then you do what actually results in reduced abortions. If you want to continue to teach abstinence and let employers opt out of contraception coverage then you increase abortion rates. If you are doing anything other what is statistically shown to reduce abortion rates then you don’t actually care about unborn babies you just want to restrict women’s health rights.
 
I had a cousin who was diagnosed with a major disorder in utero. His mother ignored the pressure to abort. He was born perfectly normal. Sometimes doctors get it wrong.

I have a cousin who has spina bifida. She lives a happy, productive life, and isn’t defined by her disability.

I was in a nearby city running errands when I popped in for Mass. I saw it was a funeral, and I’m like, “Hm, I’m wearing my grungy work clothes. Maybe I shouldn’t intrude— I’ll just sit in the back where I won’t bother anyone.” And I get inside, and there’s a few dozen people from my town saying, “Hey! I’m so glad you could make it!” It turns out, it was an acquaintance’s twin babies, who died at 6 months’ gestation. At the very end, the father came up, and talked about how much the babies had accomplished in their lives, and what they had done for their marriage, without ever having been born. It made me feel like a slacker— I hadn’t done a fraction of what those babies had done, even with all the resources at my hand. But they had as much time as possible with those babies, rather than cutting their lives short.

I’m sorry for the child. And I’m sorry for your friend. There were no winners there. I hope they each find what they need to grow from the situation.
 
I am sorry for the loss of the child’s friend…

Facing this situation, some people choose to let the things go, and do not abort. The child will die naturally, if he died, and the parents will avoid the guilt to have take this decision.

I see a lot of anger in your post… First you speak of the story of your friend and her non-viable child… After you go to another subject with sex ed and abortion rates. They are two separate topics.

I am lost, you need a good response, as you said, but a response to what?
 
I’m confused. Is the first post someone else’s question that you’re trying to get a good response to, or is it your own feelings and you want us to respond to it?

If it’s the latter, then I’m not sure what your question is since it seems like you’re just kind of ranting.
 
The first post is one post by the other (she). My second post here on CA, is her reply to another one of my comments.
 
Ok that seems a little complicated.

To be sure: what is your position on abortion? Is that the same as explained in your two posts?
 
I don’t think anyone should be arguing about this situation. The correct response is, “I am so sorry your friend and her family went through this. What do they need, and how can I help?”
 
ltehs63 said:
I need a good response
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Do you have a question? I am seeing your grief and empathy, which I share. I am seeing a bit of a rant, starting with “How dare you” until the end of your first post. Do you expect us to accuse and condemn your friend… or is that her expectation?

At this point, I would focus on your friend’s well being. What can you do to help your friend to heal and be at peace? If she is Catholic, the Sacrament of Reconciliation would surely help.
 
I’d say it’s probably better to not respond at all to an emotional and angry person. The person to whom you want to respond isn’t even talking about her own experience, she’s going on about a friend, so it’s not something where you can express empathy and offer to help.

In my experience, when people are just ranting based on emotions, it’s kind of pointless to try to engage them in a discussion or anything logical. If it’s not a situation where you can do something practical to help them right now - as in this situation, where the person ranting doesn’t even need the help as this didn’t happen to her and it also seems to be way in the past - then best to just leave it alone. That’s what I would do anyway. Save the discussion for people whose minds are open to discuss.
 
I’m so sorry for the pain your friend went through, obviously she’s been through hell with the diagnosis and the decision making and arguably the abortion itself.

Look, none of us here can give the go-ahead for an abortion, no matter how crappy the circumstances.
And we also can’t approve the decision after the fact.
And obviously her emotions are running high.

I don’t know what conversation you two had about this. You weren’t wrong if you tried to dissuade her.
You can try to reach out to her, find out how she is doing. She may not want you around at this point and you have to respect that.

There’s another thread like this one here, only the abortion was way in the past.
I suggested there and I’ll suggest here to contact your local pro life group for tips on how to reach out to her.

:pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2: For the situation
 
I’m confused again. Is this person who had the abortion an actual friend of the OP, or a friend of the person who the OP is trying to respond to?

I read this thread as the OP seeking a response to a second person X who is going on about the experience that X had with her friend Y’s abortion. I’m not seeing how Y is a friend of the OP or how OP could do anything about what happened to Y.

If Y is actually a friend of X and not OP then I don’t see how OP could be doing anything to help or refer Y to anybody. OP probably doesn’t even know Y. Y is just an example X is using to base X’s long speech upon.
 
Is this something that actually happened to someone you know, or is it a hypothetical situation meant to prove that restriction on abortion is wrong and you want to know how to respond to it?
 
ltehs63 said:
How do I respond to this
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I would listen. If necessary, I would acknowledge that there is a lot that is messed up in the world, and life is not fair.

That’s it. What more can you say right now? Your friend is grieving.

There is no use arguing with her about sex education policy, health plan benefits, or women’s rights because that is not why she is hurting. You can listen. Look for ways that you can help her at the personal level, not the political or cultural or religious or societal level, but just what you can do for her as a friend.

When you have time to yourself, read about grieving. Don’t read it to her, nor ask her to read it, because it would not make sense at this time. Just use it for your own background, so that you understand the stages of grief and have a rough idea what to expect, so that you can better attend to her needs.
 
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ltehs63 said:
The first post is one post by the other (she). My second post here on CA, is her reply to another one of my comments.
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My previous response was based on the assumption that you, ltehs63, have a friend in real life who had an abortion in real life, that the one who had the abortion wrote the rant, and that you want to know how to respond.

Have I got that right so far, or is there another person in the middle who wrote the rant and knows someone who had an abortion, and if so, are you asking for a response to the middle person, or is the middle person asking for a response to the one who had the abortion?
 
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Sorry for the ambiguity. I am doing this from a phone that I don’t know how to operate properly. This is a friend in Facebook arguing for pro choice. She brought up an example of a friend of hers.
 
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