selene - Thursday, Apr 5th
hi everybody, i am very much in need of support right now. about two months ago, i had an abortion. i am in a loving, committed relationship, we even live together. but i am only 20. when i got pregnant (it was an accident, i am now on reliable bc) i was scared, but i was also really happy. when i told my boyfriend, he had the same reaction. the first 2 weeks after we found out, we were really excited. i bought pregnancy yoga dvds, took prenatals, ate really healthy. we talked about names. i was so in love with him and so in love with the idea of having his child. but then we told our parents. my mother was supportive, she was excited too. but when we told his parents, they freaked out, they lectured us, told us we were being selfish and stupid etc. my boyfriend is very close with his parents. he changed his mind. he told me to get an abortion. he told me that he didnt think he would be man enough to stick around. it broke my heart. i didnt think i oculd do it alone, and i didnt want to lose him. i didnt want his family to hate me. i got the abortion. the whole time i was at the doctor, i wanted her to ask me if i really wanted to do this, so that i could say no, and then she wouldnt do it. but she never asked. i pretended i wasnt pregnant. but now, even months later, i feel so guilty. i was so attatched to my baby. i wanted it so badly (to be honest, i wasnt that careful to begin with because i wanted a baby). i had no excuse to make the decision i did. both of our parents are wealthy and wopuld have helped us financially. we have a very stable relationship. we are healthy, positive people. we are young, but definately better off than a lot of people who have children. i am in so much pain. i want to change my mind, i want to take it back. i resent my boyfriend and his family. i feel so violated. i have bouts of uncontrollable crying. i feel like i cant talk to anybody about it, because its what everybody but me wanted, and because its been so long now, i feel like i am supposed to be over it by now. please, help me. i let myself get so invested in the pregnancy, only to end it. i feel too guilty to let myself move on. i want to get pregnant again (although i am not stupid and i am not going to do that). if anybody can relate to this grief i am experiencing, please let me know. what should i do?