About a family issue

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Hi,

I need some advice. A sibling of mine lives far away from me. I’m abroad and she/he lives in my home country. I stay in touch with this sibling by e-mail. I do talk more with my parents though. I realized that my sibling doesn’t reply to my messages as often as she/he ought to be doing. I haven’t the money to call long distance to get my questions answered, so writing online is the best. My sibling has a computer, but doesn’t have the time or the interest (not sure what it is) to reply to my questions. I’m Catholic (even though I don’t know everything about the Catholic faith) and have family values. When a family member needs an answer of some kind, I do my best to answer that person. My sibling has her/his own family, but got separated from her/his spouse about a year ago. She/he has the pressure of managing her/his career and new family situation. I respect that. However, what about her other family, the one whom she/he grew up with? What can I, as a godly sister do in this situation? My sibling doesn’t worship. She/he grew up in a Catholic family, but doesn’t practice the faith. As a result, keeping in touch online with her/his sibling, unless pressured to do so, is not her/his priority. It frustrates me. However, I pray on this and I ask God to help me do things the right way.

Can you help me? What can I do as a godly sister? Wait for her/his responses for months, responses, that for common sense people would give quickly? I’m trying to have a good bond with my non practicing sibling, but he/she doesn’t seem to care about my concerns. I ask common questions about shopping, e-mails etc. My messages haven’t been answered for a month now and I’m wondering how to deal with this. I’m starting to take this personally. Should I have my parents answer my questions instead? They’re more available. However, they might not know all the answers. They’re questions related to my sibling’s kids etc.

It’s hard to relate to family members like my sibling when their values don’t jibe with mine. We don’t have the same family values I feel, even if our parents are the same. I don’t feel much heart and when my sibling does contact me, there’s no apology for being late and so on. By the way, she/he has a girlfriend/boyfriend. Would that be affecting our relationship somehow?

Any ideas from you experienced siblings?

Templum
 
Templum said:
Hi,

I need some advice. A sibling of mine lives far away from me. I’m abroad and she/he lives in my home country. I stay in touch with this sibling by e-mail. I do talk more with my parents though. I realized that my sibling doesn’t reply to my messages as often as she/he ought to be doing. I haven’t the money to call long distance to get my questions answered, so writing online is the best. My sibling has a computer, but doesn’t have the time or the interest (not sure what it is) to reply to my questions. I’m Catholic (even though I don’t know everything about the Catholic faith) and have family values. When a family member needs an answer of some kind, I do my best to answer that person. My sibling has her/his own family, but got separated from her/his spouse about a year ago. She/he has the pressure of managing her/his career and new family situation. I respect that. However, what about her other family, the one whom she/he grew up with? What can I, as a godly sister do in this situation? My sibling doesn’t worship. She/he grew up in a Catholic family, but doesn’t practice the faith. As a result, keeping in touch online with her/his sibling, unless pressured to do so, is not her/his priority. It frustrates me. However, I pray on this and I ask God to help me do things the right way.

Can you help me? What can I do as a godly sister? Wait for her/his responses for months, responses, that for common sense people would give quickly? I’m trying to have a good bond with my non practicing sibling, but he/she doesn’t seem to care about my concerns. I ask common questions about shopping, e-mails etc. My messages haven’t been answered for a month now and I’m wondering how to deal with this. I’m starting to take this personally. Should I have my parents answer my questions instead? They’re more available. However, they might not know all the answers. They’re questions related to my sibling’s kids etc.

It’s hard to relate to family members like my sibling when their values don’t jibe with mine. We don’t have the same family values I feel, even if our parents are the same. I don’t feel much heart and when my sibling does contact me, there’s no apology for being late and so on. By the way, she/he has a girlfriend/boyfriend. Would that be affecting our relationship somehow?

Any ideas from you experienced siblings?

Templum
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You can’t force the issue. If your sibling wishes to communicate with you she will. If it’s not as often as you’d like, you’ll have to accept that. If you try to force it, you may cause a lot of resentment and things will be even worse.
 
Were you ever close to this sibling? Is this your only sibling? If you were not close as children to begin with, there can be a distance as people grow up and marry. However one issue between the two of you may be that your sibling is not practicing the Catholic faith, and feels guilty or strange having close communication with you.

If this is your only sibling, that makes things more difficult. If not your only sibling, you could perhaps ask one of the others if there is a problem that could be addressed. Some siblings would resent that, but perhaps less than talking to he parents.

Try to be patient and reach out in love for your sibling. And of course, pray.
 
why do you keep referring to your sibling as she/he ,her/his:confused: :eek:
 
HI,

There’s a difference of 5 years between us. I keep the gender unknown just to protect my sibling in case there’s someone here discovers who I am. Again, I’m trying to keep a good bond with my sibling and my efforts go no where. It’s discouraging. However, I’m understanding that the difference in beliefs may be one big factor in this. She/he is my only sibling. I’m away from my family right now. I will be there for Christmas. I was never close close to my sibling, but I was close enough to talk about her/his kids’ interests etc…not more than that.

Thanks,
Templum
 
I think it would be reasonable in your next corrosponance to your parents, to say, “By the way, I’m trying to get ahold of sister/brother by email. I’m trying to figure out if there is anything in particular the kids want for Christmas. Could you let him/her know that I’m trying to contact him/her?” If your sibling is just busy, that might solve the problem. If he or she is playing the “guess why I’m angry” game, then it’s probably best that you deal with it when you see him or her in person.
 
Templum said:
HI,

There’s a difference of 5 years between us. I keep the gender unknown just to protect my sibling in case there’s someone here discovers who I am. Again, I’m trying to keep a good bond with my sibling and my efforts go no where. It’s discouraging. However, I’m understanding that the difference in beliefs may be one big factor in this. She/he is my only sibling. I’m away from my family right now. I will be there for Christmas. I was never close close to my sibling, but I was close enough to talk about her/his kids’ interests etc…not more than that.

Thanks,
Templum
Click to expand...
If you were never close to your sibling, and by your own admission you don’t share the same values, why are you surprise that you are not close now?

As others have said, if your sibling wants to communicate with you more often, the sibling will. If not, the sibling will not. Perhaps your sibling is satisfied with the relationship wth you just the way it is and sees no reason to change it. How are you going to respond to this if this is the fact?

Some things to think about, to pray about: Why are you pursuing the idea of a closer relations with your sibling? Is it because you assume that is what families/siblings are suppose to be like? What do you want the outcome to be? Are you lonely? Are you willing to accept your sibling as they are, or do they have to change in order for you two to grow closer? What has to change within you to make that change happen? Are you willing to accept your sibling’s free will in choosing to move closer to you in a relationship or not?

These are questions that only you can answer, I don’t need to see your answers. The important thing is that you determine your answers for yourself.

God bless
 
I have a brother in law who corresponds in same way. After many frustrating years of trying to estabilish some kind of relationship with him, my husband just decided that he does want a relationship with us, but only on his terms. When we do hear from him we politely respond and then forget about it. It took about 3 weeks for him to reply to our questions about my sister in law’s health, after her surgery. You can try a regular correspondance of maybe once a month, just a friendly, non-commital note to hello and work up from there.
 
HI,

Thanks for your responses. I got some great ideas from some of you.

Take care,
Templum
 
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