Abstaining During Anullment Process

[TheDarrenator]

After several years of searching for a new employment while working for an anti-Catholic church, I found a good job last year. I’ve been anxious to be confirmed.

My wife, who has no interest in Catholicism, was previously married. It will be no problem for her to get an annulment, but it will still take a while.

Before Easter this year, she and I agreed to remain celibate until the situation was rectified. That way I could receive the sacraments. We have not failed once in this promise to each other.

The problem is that my priest refuses to confirm me, saying that it wouldn’t be fair to my wife (which doesn’t make sense since she has agreed to this as a favor to me), and that if he let me do it he’d have to let everyone do it. I told him that in any case, we’d abstain for as long as it took.

Would the Church rather have me commit mortal sin than to temporarily forsake physical passions? I thought the Church would want me to make sacrifices in order to do what is right. I’m under the impression that my priest thinks it’s okay to imbibe of marital relations now as long as I’m not also imbibing of the Lord’s Table.
Can anyone make sense of this for me?

 

[chimakuni]

I think you might want your wife to talk to the priest. There are many couples who live as brother and sister because they have been unable, for various reasons, to obtain an annulment.

One thing that worries me is that you say that her annulment will be no problem. Please do not think that an annulment is granted just because it is filed. It can take years to be granted - due to many reasons - and sometimes is not granted.

God Bless

 

[TheDarrenator]

chimakuni:

Please do not think that an annulment is granted just because it is filed. It can take years to be granted - due to many reasons - and sometimes is not granted.

I understand this. But even in the unlikely case it is not granted, what would the Church expect me to do? Desert my family and leave them destitute? Wouldn’t they rather we abstain from relations and let me become Catholic?

 

[chimakuni]

Oh Darrenator…you are called to follow Christ. Yes, you are even called, with your wife’s approval to live with her as a brother if her annulment does not come through. This is a difficult situation. I would go to another priest if this priest refuses to confirm you and get a ‘second’ opinion. You may need to go to the Bishop, although this seems so sad - you wanting to become Catholic and you being denied this because the priest says it is unfair for your wife. We are told that we are to put Christ first…

I will pray for you and your situation. God Bless

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

The problem may be this. How many people know of your Marriage situation (the prior Marriage)? Since many might know that your wife was in a prior Marriage. They see you receiving Holy Communion but do not see the two of you “living apart”. It becomes a public issue for for the Church.

 

[Katholish]

Firstly, if your “wife” was married and has not received an anullment, assuming one is necessary, than she is not free to marry another, being married to her original spouse in the eyes of the Church. This being said, there is no question in the matter that abstinence is required.

I also wouldn’t be surprised if a priest would refuse the sacraments unless the civil marriage is ended at least until an anullment came through.

However, to refuse the sacraments for a reason that you are abstaining from mortal sin seems an illegitimate reason to say the very least.

I could also see a refusal for the reason that Br. Rich mentioned, that it could be scandalous to the rest of the flock if you appear to still be living together as man and wife.

If a anullment did not come through, I don’t know what the Church might suggest, but I would think that separate rooms and an end of the civil marriage would be the minimum reason could allow.