Abstinence and temptations in marriage

[oneofmany]

It seems your husband is already talking to a priest on this issue. Many men are not so he is ahead in that area.

You say he has used this to help him when he was growing up in a pressure situation. There are groups dealing with the aftermath of growing up in dysfunctional family. They have retreats called, “Healing your family of origin.” It will explain why we feel the way we do and how to heal. Ask your priest about those in your area. A Catholic family therapist may be able to help him more that talking to a priest.

 

[Pomme]

Yes ,reading some threads has opened my eyes about men and also about the fact that we are in a bad spot,but we already have a lot of the tools to recover .Also,I am hoping to find some married people who have a “success story” to share “tips” in private messages.
Thanks for your help.

 

[1inICXC]

You touch on something really interesting here. My understanding is that abstinance to avoid / delay pregnancy is only permissible if the couple mutually decide to do so. It’s not something either can do without the agreement of the other.

Obviously it should be a matter for a couple to decide together - respecting each others needs etc but what if a husband simply disagrees ? **Unless it’s a genuine health issue I don’t see that a wife can do anything but “be available” to her husband. **

It’s even more difficult if she knows that unless she does he is likely to use porn, masturbate or resort to adultery. It’s obviously not her fault but if she is not allowing him to exercise his needs in the ‘proper’ way you can understand that it is difficult.

When it comes to birth and conception the ultimate decision, following the concept of free will, is up to the woman, not the man. A husband may never, by any means, force his wife to accept a child that she feels she is unable to carry or nurture.

 

[Pomme]

Hi,so the priest told me this:if the husband is in danger of terrible temptations,even while breastfeeding,abstinence must not be longer than 2 weeks.However we have sufficient serious reasons to postpone pregnancy,so we must try postponing,while not making the abstinences longer than 2,3 weeks…I’d better become super smart with my fertility signs!!Husband thinks he is really going to stop bad behavior and we will postpone pregnancy with more than 2,3 weeks abstinence at a time,and I am afraid still he will have the temptations and give in sometimes anyway…Lack of faith from my part?

 

[Debora123]

Hi,so the priest told me this:if the husband is in danger of terrible temptations,even while breastfeeding,abstinence must not be longer than 2 weeks.However we have sufficient serious reasons to postpone pregnancy,so we must try postponing,while not making the abstinences longer than 2,3 weeks…I’d better become super smart with my fertility signs!!Husband thinks he is really going to stop bad behavior and we will postpone pregnancy with more than 2,3 weeks abstinence at a time,and I am afraid still he will have the temptations and give in sometimes anyway…Lack of faith from my part?

Good luck, I hope things work out.