Abstinence God granted?

[mr.me]

I read in Matthew 19,11 that Jesus says celibacy is not for all but only for those to whom that is granted by God. With trying to stay abstinent, with no success, until I meet someone for marriage, even though I’m already 49, I can’t find information if God also has to grant abstinence to the single person because I’m not successful in this matter? Celibacy is taking a vow of it for the reason of priesthood. I am wanting marriage but it hadn’t been granted for me, don’t know why?

 

[1ke]

With trying to stay abstinent, with no success, until I meet someone for marriage, even though I’m already 49, I can’t find information if God also has to grant abstinence to the single person because I’m not successful in this matter?

No.

We are all called to chastity in our state in life.

 

[mr.me]

Please could you elaborate further, your answer is not that simple. If God has to grant celibacy, In order for a priest to abstain from sexual activity, then why isn’t reasonable to think that God would need to grant the unmarried individual from abstaining as well?

 

[Lara]

Just abstain. End of story.

 

[mr.me]

Do you really think comments like that are helpful? I’m asking the question out of love for Christ, You could at least answer peoples question with the same kind of love. please remove my personal information I just gave this heartless website.
Thank you

 

[MT1926]

This is a difficult topic and sometimes hard to come across as being charitable. I will try to do my best.

Let’s break this down a bit.

I read in Matthew 19,11 that Jesus says celibacy is not for all but only for those to whom that is granted by God.

I believe this is speaking about the Priesthood and not really related to the “single person”.

With trying to stay abstinent, with no success, until I meet someone for marriage, even though I’m already 49,

I’m sorry you are having a difficult time with abstinence. And I apologize that other comments have offended you. As I already said this is a difficult topic and the other comments, in my opinion, are coming because if you back up to verse 5 Jesus already set the rule that…

5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one’?[a] 6 So they are no longer two but one. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”

The oneness is not suppose to occur until after you are joined in matrimony. I’m not here to judge you, hey it happens, it’s what you do after it happens that counts.

I can’t find information if God also has to grant abstinence to the single person because I’m not successful in this matter?

The answer to this question is yes, it is called Grace. God gives us the Grace we need to abstain until we are married and continues to give us the grace we need to remain chaste, which is needed even in marriage. However, that being said, as Catholics we don’t believe that Grace is something that is fully given once we come to faith. It’s not a one and done. We believe that some can have a little bit of grace and others can be full of grace. I like the way Tim Staples put it. We are only humans, we need God’s free gift of Grace, the problem is that as humans we leak. So we need to keep receiving God’s grace for it to be effective in our lives. How do we receive this grace? From the sacraments of course. God gave us the sacraments to fill us.

Now for the hard stuff, sorry but I have to do it, so please try to get through this part.

You’ve had no success with abstaining. Sorry to hear that, but have you been to confession? Are you truly sorry for the sin you committed? Why do I ask this, because confession fills you with the grace you need to help you abstain.

Instead of praying to God for a wife (something you want and think will make everything better) have you tried praying to God for the strength to abstain? This will give you grace.

Have you gone to talk to your priest about this difficult road you are on right now?

Maybe try spending some time in front of Jesus at adoration. This will give you more grace.

continued…

 

[MT1926]

…continued

I am wanting marriage but it hadn’t been granted for me, don’t know why?

I don’t have an answer for you here. However, the thing that came to mind when you said this was a Matthew Kelly retreat I attended. He told a story about a friend of his that was dating this one girl for like 2 years. He asked him if she was the one and the friend immediately said no. That’s when he pointed out to the friend and to us that if we are wasting our time in relationships that with a person we know aren’t the “ONE” how do we know we aren’t missing the opportunity we have now in finding the one.

I’m not here to judge you, but honestly ask yourself did you know before hand that any of the women you slept with were not the one?

I hope you can find something in here that might be of some help.

In the end God isn’t just going to grant us what we want just cause we want it, sometimes we have to be willing to follow His plan and not ours.

God Bless

 

[OraLabora]

Just abstain. End of story.

Not a very helpful answer.

Sexuality is one of the most powerful forces of nature, right up there with hunger. Some say even more powerful than hunger, but I can’t say myself. I just know it is very powerful.

To expect someone to overcome that force requires, besides grace, a lot training, a lot of forgiveness, and a lot of trust in God’s mercy when we do fail. Monks tell me it isn’t so easy and even they succumb to it sometimes. That secular priests also succumb to it is firmly established (otherwise the Church wouldn’t have a sexual scandal).

We are all fallen, all sinners. Some are weaker faced with certain temptations than others, but stronger with different temptations. It is why we have the sacrament of reconciliation, for when we do fall to a temptation.

God has given you the grace to easily overcome this temptation. Perhaps you should be a little more merciful, out of thanks to the Lord, for those who don’t have such an easy time of it, and perhaps also explain charitably how you manage it.

 

[Lara]

To me, it was a helpful answer. The OP hasn’t made a firm resolve to abstain, and in my opinion, was looking to find a reason he hasn’t been successful. His post sounded very passive to me. “I haven’t received the grace to abstain. When can I expect to be granted this grace? Plus marriage hasn’t happened either.”

Well, you have to go out there and find a wife.

It’s not easy staying out of trouble for me, but I’m not expecting it to be a grace that is conferred on me. Rather, it is a discipline.

Now, when you teach children not to smoke, you can enlist all the reasons they should not smoke. They do this at school. But guess what? It doesn’t have a very good success rate. It’s better if the parents don’t smoke and say simple slogans that will indicate that people shouldn’t smoke. “Don’t smoke kid. That’s for idiots.” Then there is a strong emotional need to please your parents and not be an idiot.

Likewise, you can think of all the reasons to be abstinent or you can choose to abstain with a finality in your resolve. You can make up your mind as firmly as you would decide not to drive the wrong way on a one-way street. You don’t ask, “Why can’t I drive on the wrong side of the street?” questioning the rules. Just do what’s right.

Do you think your future wife wants to hear about all the times you failed and had sex with other women or masturbated? Or do you think she wants to hear that you are pure? Make the decision to please her now already. Write a letter to her every day: Darling. I did not mess up today. I thought of you and my love for you even though I haven’t met you yet.