abusive marriage

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MainBrain

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I have come to the conclusion that I am in an abusive marriage.
I believe I should seek a way to either get a separation (although, out of spite she probably would insist on a divorce), or just get a divorce.

I will try to talk to my Priest. I can no longer stay in this relationship and hold on to any self respect I have left.
 
MainBrain said:
I have come to the conclusion that I am in an abusive marriage.
I believe I should seek a way to either get a separation (although, out of spite she probably would insist on a divorce), or just get a divorce.

I will try to talk to my Priest. I can no longer stay in this relationship and hold on to any self respect I have left.
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My advice is to search the 119 threads you have started, many of them the exact same thing since 2013, and re read the advice. It all still applies. My other piece of advice is to stay with and dialogue with posters about the advice. Otherwise, in s few months you will have to start a new thread on, sexless marriage, divorce, feeling inadequate etc.

Break the cycle man!!!

What did the counseling and spiritual direction help with?
Have you sought that out?
 
I am so sorry. What a terrible burden that a lonely and painful marriage can be. If you feel like you are in danger, please find a safe place to stay asap. Otherwise (or additionally), I think talking to a priest would be a wise and solid move. God bless.
 
I also have followed your post and like Hoosier Daddy, I think you need to re-evaluate the root of your problems-and I think it is mostly with you. I am sorry that you feel as you do, but it is almost impossible to make a blind person “see” if they don’t want to. I will keep you in my prayers. Peace.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
My advice is to search the 119 threads you have started, many of them the exact same thing since 2013, and re read the advice. It all still applies. My other piece of advice is to stay with and dialogue with posters about the advice. Otherwise, in s few months you will have to start a new thread on, sexless marriage, divorce, feeling inadequate etc.

Break the cycle man!!!

What did the counseling and spiritual direction help with?
Have you sought that out?
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The beginning of this reply was not necessary.
 
Mary_Estelle said:
I also have followed your post and like Hoosier Daddy, I think you need to re-evaluate the root of your problems-and I think it is mostly with you. I am sorry that you feel as you do, but it is almost impossible to make a blind person “see” if they don’t want to. I will keep you in my prayers. Peace.
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If you only knew the humble charitable acts that were rejected… if only you knew…
 
MainBrain said:
The beginning of this reply was not necessary.
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Based on your posting history it was necessary. I can link to your other posts about this if you are having trouble finding them. Hundreds of posters have prayed for you and given you advice. For several years. Now, finding out what you did with that advice would be benificial.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
Based on your posting history it was necessary. I can link to your other posts about this if you are having trouble finding them. Hundreds of posters have prayed for you and given you advice. For several years. Now, finding out what you did with that advice would be benificial.
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What exactly do you want to know? I’ve been loving, patient, kind, ect…
 
I suggest marriage counseling with a Priest. If I had done that my life might not be in shambles today. All that I worked for, my loved ones, who were so much of a portion of a reason to live, taken with the support of the leftist/feminist agenda. Good luck!
 
CatholicSpirit said:
I suggest marriage counseling with a Priest. If I had done that my life might not be in shambles today. All that I worked for, my loved ones, who were so much of a portion of a reason to live, taken with the support of the leftist/feminist agenda. Good luck!
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She refuses to go to a marriage counselor.
 
Have you ever tried writing a list of your problems, asking her to agree or disagree with your assertions, put a checkmark near the ones she agrees are a problem, create from it a new list, then work on making a reasonable solution for each? You can each have a sheet of paper and for each problem you agree is a problem, make a suggestion on how to improve on it. Then, discuss your answers.

That’s $3,000 in therapy savings and 6 months completed (if you do it).

Let me know how it goes…
 
CatholicSpirit said:
Have you ever tried writing a list of your problems, asking her to agree or disagree with your assertions, put a checkmark near the ones she agrees are a problem, create from it a new list, then work on making a reasonable solution for each? You can each have a sheet of paper and for each problem you agree is a problem, make a suggestion on how to improve on it. Then, discuss your answers.

That’s $3,000 in therapy savings and 6 months completed (if you do it).

Let me know how it goes…
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That’s an excellent suggestion! I just might try to do that. I would be willing. I’m not sure about her. I can at least try.
 
I was just thinking… perhaps I should write my W about my feelings and what I really hope we can achieve together… what true love is about… perhaps I can do that.
 
MainBrain said:
I was just thinking… perhaps I should write my W about my feelings and what I really hope we can achieve together… what true love is about… perhaps I can do that.
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Brother, I would take the first approach and leave the letter for last. I got ruined by my ex in court and the more unreasonable or “making me look like a weirdo” content she could produce the better. Now, don’t go thinking law stuff, it’s the #1 breaker-upper of good s#tuff if you get me. Option A bro. Throw it all out there like your playing a board game, nice and easy. The mathematical way with process of elimination and all that is your best bet. Hit me up on messages on here when it’s said and done, I wanna hear the good news!

THEN hit her up with a letter about how great that was and all that mushy stuff. Use a little bit of progress and loving writings to keep it going. Before you know it, you will be making a special checking account to slip money into for a vacation in the Bahamas swimming with dolphins and enjoying each other. Amen to that if it works!
 
I have some more advice for a man that’s in “I might lose my marriage mode” :
  1. If you are a homeowner, make sure the things you “fix together” include (and don’t tell her this AT ALL)! : Fixing up the house in case things go real bad, we all know what goes first. Men get kicked out of the home, the woman occupies it until it sells, you will lose a ton of $ like man other men have because of the damn law.
  2. Go on an organizing frenzy. You heard right, frenzy. If it all comes down you will have stockpiles of stuff to go through and in starting your new life hating life itself, it will be a mound of aggravation. Ebay or donate junk, keep the best clothes of what you got like you are dating again (she will like you more too if the worst doesn’t happen) and look sharp making your best outfits out of your rubble. Do it to impress her, but do it also because loneliness stinks. When I say organize, make backups for you and her of family pictures on DVD so she can’t keep them from you if something “goes down”. Get a nice filing system going with all your critical stuff, birth certificate, all that too, for easy access.
  3. Reconfigure house chores to be at their pentium. If you blame her and she blames you, all gets ugly, blame the laundry and think of a place to put one more laundry basket. For an unnecessary $10 it’s better than anyone’s mouth. Be more of a recycler, come up with bulk purchases of stuff you like to keep shopping trips smaller. Get new tires on your car if they’re bald because if it all goes down, she paid 50% for those tires is better than being broken hearted, losing your home, then blowing a tire your paying 100% for.
Strategize for what fixes both futures, with and without her, hope she’s loving the new “us”.
 
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