Accountability Partners

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CRATUS

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My best friend and I are accountability partners. Part of me is thinking it would be better if my accountability partner was not someone particularly close with me. It feels awkward when I elect to not follow God or there are aspects of the gospel I outright reject or struggle to understand. I do not know why I am so scared to fully follow God. I have been considering going on a retreat or something so I can focus solely on God. Sometimes I feel my religious decisions are based on the fact I do not want her disapproval. I have grow up and get used to people not acting the way I think they should or how I want them too. I do not want to love her less because she veers off to not follow God for a period of time or ever. Sometimes our conversation crosses boundaries and feels way too personal. I feel bad for burdening her with my issues. Maybe that is how it is supposed to feel. Ultimately our decision to follow God or not, should be based on us. Is this how accountability partners supposed to feel?
 
Personally, I have never understood the concept of accountability partners. It is like handing over all your rights to someone who is no wiser than yourself. Also, I can help but think accountability partners attract a lot of controlling people who want to tell others what to do.

Just my 2 cents

Angie
 
Anglewannabe said:
Personally, I have never understood the concept of accountability partners. It is like handing over all your rights to someone who is no wiser than yourself. Also, I can help but think accountability partners attract a lot of controlling people who want to tell others what to do.

Just my 2 cents

Angie
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They are great for people working to overcome addictions or establish healthy habits like exercise. Knowing you’ll be accountable to someone is a very big motivator (in a way, that, frankly, knowing you are accountable to God is not, because it can feel distant and is easily dismissed in the moment.)

Usually, my “accountability” people have been people with more expertise or skill in a certain area that I am working on, or a therapist. I agree that having someone on an equal level to you can present certain dangers. But in 12-step groups, counseling, or other endeavors, it can be like having a mentor or teacher. But then the accountability is one-sided. Those people don’t rely on me to keep them accountable - they have other people.
 
pensmama87 said:
They are great for people working to overcome addictions or establish healthy habits like exercise. Knowing you’ll be accountable to someone is a very big motivator (in a way, that, frankly, knowing you are accountable to God is not, because it can feel distant and is easily dismissed in the moment.)
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Perhaps it depends on the personality of the person. If it helps some people, great ! However, I can’t help but think I would want to rebel under the authority
 
CRATUS said:
My best friend and I are accountability partners. Part of me is thinking it would be better if my accountability partner was not someone particularly close with me. It feels awkward when I elect to not follow God or there are aspects of the gospel I outright reject or struggle to understand. I do not know why I am so scared to fully follow God. I have been considering going on a retreat or something so I can focus solely on God. Sometimes I feel my religious decisions are based on the fact I do not want her disapproval. I have grow up and get used to people not acting the way I think they should or how I want them too. I do not want to love her less because she veers off to not follow God for a period of time or ever. Sometimes our conversation crosses boundaries and feels way too personal. I feel bad for burdening her with my issues. Maybe that is how it is supposed to feel. Ultimately our decision to follow God or not, should be based on us. Is this how accountability partners supposed to feel?
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Is this a spiritual accountability partner? If so, I have one too. I call him “spiritual director.”

He is not my best friend. In fact, on the platonic relationship scale I’d put him just above “passing acquaintance.” As such, I have absolutely zero to lose by being completely honest with him and he has zero to lose by being completely honest with me. He pulls me back from the cliff’s edge when I get too close, and he knows when I get too close because we have no-holds-barred, 100% open, full-disclosure interaction. In speaking to him, there is no such thing as crossing boundaries or getting too personal. It is impossible for me to burden him with my issues, as he is there precisely to help me sort those issues out.

Ultimately, the decision to follow God or not rests with each individual but we’re not going to get it right all the time. That’s where spiritual direction comes in. For matters concerning your relationship with the Lord, I suggest you seek this rather than rely on an “accountability” relationship with a friend, which runs the risk of being rather like the blind leading the blind, especially if neither of you have any formal training in SD.

God bless 🙂
 
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